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Now that she is back to her birthplace all she talks about is moving back to her apartment in New York. The family has asked all of us to stop writing and responding to her mail and social media, hoping it will ease the transition to forgetting New York and adjusting to Indonesia. Any opinions on this? She has a neighbor who says it's against her religion to abandon someone. Since we can't drive over and see her next door, what do you all think about stopping the letters. Her sister and family are doing a great job helping her eat and with activities. New York she would be living alone with a social worker 24-7 until she runs out of money or finds housing.

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Did they all live here or did they come here specifically to take her back to Indonesia? I don’t believe this could be considered as abandonment unless she was caring for you, you needed 24/7 care and she just suddenly left, it’s not considered legal abandonment. If you had a legal partnership, if you are married and they took her completely against her will, then there are legalities to be dealt with. If she is simply a friend who needs 24/7 care, you could not provide this care for her and she faced financial hardship if she stayed here, she needed her family to look out for her.

You don't say how old she is or what her issues are, but the family may have felt it was in her best interests to take her back to Indonesia where she would have caregivers 24/7. Social workers are not 24/7 caregivers and this may be what your partner needed. If she had a lot of friendships here, it will take some time for her to accustom herself to living in Indonesia. Hearing from people in New York may make her sad and lonely right now. Hold off on the communications until she is able to handle them. You can always communicate with her family to find out how she is doing. I think she is lucky to have such a kind and loving family.
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If she is your partner, how would she be living alone? Or, is she a business partner.

I think you need to abide by the family's wishes. They are now her Caregivers. So does the neighbor. She is not abandoning this woman, the woman's family is caring for her now in another country. I know, it doesn't seem right not to write when she initiates it. Or respond on FB. Tell the family this seems unfair and she will feel abandoned. (Maybe that is what the neighbor means). Maybe you can make the family understand that this could cause a depression.
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Please realize that her family can easily cut your access at any time by denying her internet/phone/computer access.

I'm assuming from your comments about what life would be like for her in New York that one topic of your partner's letters and/or Facebook posts includes returning to New York? Do your letters/posts also include language about how much you miss her? Have you expressed you're so happy her family is taking such good care of her? Does her sister really want her to forget New York or forget about moving back to New York?

Express your concern about dropping communications completely and maybe propose you delay responding (hours or days) instead of not responding at all. Maybe emphasizing in your responses how happy you are she is back home with her family?

Is your partner expressing a desire to return to New York or a desire to return "home"? Often dementia patients want to go a "home" that is not a physical location but rather a state of being where they felt "normal" and not so dependent on others. If your partner is asking to go "home" then she may never stop asking or she may stop asking so often as she adjusts to her new location and routine.
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