My parents will not budge on signing a POA or even fill out an advance directive. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My parents will not budge on signing a POA or even fill out an advance directive. Any advice?

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I take care of my two elderly parents. My father has heart, kidney, and other issues and as for my mother she is frail and only has one eye. They are just enough sound mind to make desicions....even though they are horrible. They have no life or health insurance, no place to be buried, no savings and they won't listen. They are in a reverse mortgage that I can not help or find out any information because I have no rights. Something bad is going to happen and I would hate for them to end up in a state ward because I could not figure out how to help them. Please advise.

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Sometimes an appeal to parents' interest in saving money can overcome reluctance to share control of financial and business matters.

You can honestly say: "If you decide not to create Power of Attorney and Health Care directive documents, the only authority to manage your money and health care will have to come from a Court, and that's expensive and takes much more time. It's much less expensive for you to designate who should manage your money and care now, by using these basic documents."

An elder law attorney in your town can help explain all the advantages to them.
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Reply to John L. Roberts
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Kr, a favorite quote comes to mind: Some people are their own worst enemy (thanks, Barb!). Unless they are deemed to be incompetent, your parents have the right to make really bad decisions. And it's sad that a "state ward" may be their fate. For most folks, unless they are quite wealthy, they will end up in a Medicaid (state paid) long term bed when they require a high level of care. Many posters have simply had to wait until a medical crisis occurs and make arrangements then with social workers at a hospital.
Remember, the same right to make really poor choices on your parents' part means that you have the right to decide what you are able to commit in terms of financial and personal assistance. I've had to make very strong boundaries with a variety of family members who would gladly have taken every spare moment or dime that I had to keep their lives exactly as they wanted. No, we all have rights in this. It's a sad truth that not all folks are planning ants, many are grasshoppers eager to eat not just what the ant saved but the ants themselves!!
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Reply to Guestshopadmin
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krjosephson, I had to use what are called "theraputic fibs" to get my parents to do things that needed to be done. Both my parents were in their 90's, still lived in their house, and still could make decisions. But they were stuck in their ways. They wouldn't listen to me, why should they, I was just a kid and what do I know :P

Don't your parents have Medicare for health insurance? Or are they not old enough to receive it?

I told my Dad a "theraputic fib" saying that the Government would take half of his estate due to the way the Wills were written. Whew, Dad took notice, and I was able to get them to an Elder Law Attorney to get new Wills and new Power of Attorney.

You can use "theraputic fibs" for your parents not having a grave site. Tell them they would be buried in a paupers' grave, no headstone, no casket, etc. [remember these are fibs to get their attention].
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Reply to freqflyer
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