My parents agreed to pay me for being live-in caregiver. Advised not to inform siblings. Can greedy siblings sue me for any reason?

Aren't siblings great? We just took our mother to the ER Monday; she's in a temporary nursing home right now, and we need to find long-term memory/nursing care after a sudden nightmare illness caused complete incontinence, the inability or desire to feed herself, and complicated delusions. So immediately after we discuss a DNR for our mother my older brother announces that he expects us to pay back every penny we borrowed from Mom, pay rent, or get out. Since we couldn't work AND take care of her, my younger brother and I are lacking in funds. Since we need to fix up the house to rent or sell it, we kind of have to stay here to do the work. And since our older brother thinks we're lazy, irresponsible, and spending our mother's money wildly (on food, electricity, cable, water, prescriptions, etc.) and don't actually do anything, he thinks he's doing the right thing. Maybe we should bill him for our time... I think anyone who tries to sue a caregiver should have to spend a week as a caregiver first.

if you are a paid caregiver, you do need to report the income to the IRS. You may not earn enough TAXABLE income & have to pay taxes on it but you do have to report the income to the IRS otherwise yes your sibling can make your life hell.

You need to have everything in writing. If you are truly concerned about your siblings, have a caregiver agreement drawn up by an attorney. An attorney may not be necessary, you could always draw it up yourself and then have it notorized. But bottom line—get it all in writing, everything, everything your parents are paying you for, the date it begins, how much they are paying.
document it all! Don’t commingle your money either. Use your own bank account. If you’ll be taking over their finances then again, document everything! Save all receipts.

You don’t have to disclose anything to your siblings. Sometimes transparency is best but if you know your siblings will have a problem with this, it might be better to keep them out of the loop. Or it might be better to tell them.

anyone can sue anyone in this country. Yes they can try to sue you but that doesn’t mean they will prevail. If your parents have a will or a trust that was drawn up by an attorney, there may even be a clause that says anyone who challenges the will or trust will be disinherited/treated as if they died before the will/trust was created. So if your siblings try to go after your inheritance, they might end up with nothing.

Renoir, you could be charged criminally if not done correctly. No reason for your siblings to know, think of it as a business relationship between your folks and you. As such, do it legally. See an elder law attorney to draft a caregiver agreement. Your folks become your employer, and need to get employer identification number. As your employer, withholding taxes, worker's comp, social security and such. Yes it sounds like a hassle, but will protect you and the folks in the long run. If your folks want you as their caregiver, they will be happy to do this for you.

My craziness started when APS showed up at mom's door. Sibs had requested an investigation for financial exploitation. Of course there was none and APS closed the case within a few months. That was the start of attorney involvement, I needed one as sibs were determined there was some sort of exploitation occurring. Court eventually ordered that I be paid and received some back pay as well. It was a long drawn out full two year process. Another reason to get that care agreement in place. No questions can be asked that are not documented.

Do not accept under the table cash, it could be tracked if Medicaid is ever needed for parents care. Who is POA for each of your folks? Get those done or updated.

You are the 24/7 caregiver. I suggest they are not signing up for that job and nor would they want to pay for what the care costs in ALF? You DO NEED however to get this payment straight. You need to see an elder law attorney with your parents and draw up a very simple contract of what you do, what you get paid, what the stipends are to pay for their personal products, their food and etc. This is the'n the document you keep and you keep track of all your expenses in file folder each month. You will be putting out a lot of your own money if you are honest; you will be surprised how it adds up. You should also keep a daily diary, simple short statements in composition (bound) notebook out of which no pages are torn and which is done in ink without erasures. This is what you would take with you to court or Lawyer's office to show what you have done. When the judge gets a look at all you have done then your greedy siblings are DONE WITH. But get it in writing and keep it in writing and start NOW. Your parents are also spending down their money. You need to know from and elder law attorney how to do this so that your care and their costs are not seen as gifting should their funds run out and should you need to apply for medicaid. Good luck.

First, there should be a written agreement between you & your parents for the caregiving pay & all that is included such as free room & board, groceries, etc. If for no other reason If they need Medicaid in the future this is proof they weren’t gifting you money. You are supposed to pay tax on the money you earn. Your inheritance comes from whatever is stipulated in the will, and what they give you now can not change that.

renoir, if you don't have an employment contract with your parents, time to create one. See the link below for a sample.

https://www.agingcare.com/documents/personal_care_agreement_AgingCare.pdf

Such a contract will help answer any questions your sibling might ask, especially if down the road your parents need to go into a nursing home and have Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] pay for room/board and care. I would also suggest keeping a daily appt binder writing down everything you do during the day regarding your parents.

The contract will help answer the question regarding payroll taxes. Either your parents pay the payroll taxes or you can pay them yourself being you are now self-employed. Or there are payroll companies that can handle this.

Whatever you are getting paid, it isn't enough for being on call 24 hours a day. Your siblings sound like they have zero idea of all the things you are doing to help your parents. That appt binder will come in handy for such questions.

DO NOT BECOME A PAID CAREGIVER FOR YOUR OWN PARENTS.

Im telling you from experience, I am a health care professional and as such everyone looks to me as the de-facto caregiver for my parents...it's horrible...it's like being oncall 24/7 ...it's like my work never ends.

When caregiving for patients who are strangers, you have work hours, you have off-time and you have vacation...but with your own parents' you NEVER get off-time...and the more time you give...the more time they demand.

HIRE a caregiver.
If I could afford to, thats' what I would do.

I posted last week about my issues with my MIL. My husband & I have been live-in care givers for MIL and BIL who is blind and has autism. Because we have lived here taking care my MIL is now 92. We moved in when she was extremely I'll knowing she would pass within a year. 12.5 years later we are still here. SIL 1 is sick. SIL 2 is a narcissist who has no idea what we go thru on a daily basis.
12.5 years ago they were a "close" family so the family decision was we don't need anything in writing we all love & trust each other. Well, they aren't close at all. In fact, they all don't even remember the numerous family conversations we had before we moved in and why we were doing it which was for BIL.

Please do not make the same mistake we did.
I have many regrets in the past 12.5 years but not getting anything in writing is the biggest one.

And, if I can give you another piece of advice; my 2nd regret is putting my life on hold. It's been over a decade and I have major burnout, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, anger and resentment. I no longer recognize myself. Right or wrong that is the space I'm in. So, again get everything in writing and make sure it is a legal document.

Oh and don't let anyone here or anywhere else make you feel bad. What you are doing for your mom the majority of people would never do.

Kind thoughts,
Kim

I am in Canada, so keep that in mind.

Your parents should have a properly worded caregiver contract prepared by a lawyer that states how much you will be paid and what your duties are. If you are using your car for appointments, you will need an agreed upon rate for mileage. I am sure the IRS has a prescribed rate you can use. Then you should be paid hourly for the work you do or it could be weekly, but you must have it properly documented.

As far as it being taxable income, in Canada it would be. Income over $12,000 is taxable. If you earn less than $12,000, you are still required to file your taxes, even if you do not own anything.

The lawyer can help you get advice one how and when to remit taxes and if there are any federal or state with holdings that need to be made.

Another reason for the care giver contract is Medicaid look back. If they think your parents have been gifting you funds, how would you prove otherwise, it will impact their ability to access Medicaid benefits if needed.

Lastly, if your siblings are already looking to make trouble, then you need to document everything. Keep track of your vehicle mileage, fuel and other expenses, start by writing the odometer reading on your receipt each time you get fuel. Then each time you drive anywhere have a log book in the car and record the beginning and ending mileage as well as where you went, who you were with and how many hours the trip was. Keep every receipt and record each expense.

I know this is one more job for you when your hands are full of looking after your parents, but filing your taxes is an legal obligation, keeping good records will benefit your parents if they need Medicaid and it will protect your interests as far as your siblings are concerned.

I was sued by 2 of my five siblings. Send me a personal message and I will help you through this time. (I completely won all the lawsuits and they filed more than one). I am so happy I chose not to settle!!

Like you, I also saw the legal trouble coming because the two began trying to organize and align even distant family against me while my mother was still alive.

None of them helped me with my parents’ care. I took no pay, but did have help from hired CNAs- what amazing angels! (They will forevermore be my new siblings!). If you are caretaking 24/7, make sure to hire some help and give yourself breaks. You will need it.

The long and short answer is, yes, siblings will sue (and can sue) for any reason. There is nothing you can do to prevent a lawsuit, only things that you can do to protect yourself now in the event that you are sued in the future.

Keep pristine records. I know this is tough while caretaking. I wish I would have kept better records. I had to pay expert accountants to organize everything but it would have been worth the time to keep a notebook in my car console and record notes after each and every transaction. I had to do this after the fact and had a sleepless weekend over one big transaction that I couldn’t remember (on Monday, when the bank was open it was easily solved).

if your parent(s) are able to sign a contract, hire a lawyer to prepare an employment agreement for your parent(s)’ signature. If you have any supportive siblings, have them sign also.

Make sure your pay it is equal to or less than the local standard pay. Research and retain records “real time” which capture that information. (If your parents want to pay you more than the going rate, refuse).

Hire a payroll company to pay you, withhold, etc. This will be worth the small added cost. Never take any payment in cash.

Keep all funds completely separate. Do not pay for things with your credit card and then reimburse yourself with your parents’ check. Drive back home to get their checkbook instead. (It’s even better to have a different sibling handle the banking, if you have a good sibling).

File away notes, emails and threats from your siblings. (I had some “great ones!” — Extremely painful at the time, but absolutely wonderful in the legal proceedings.

If they scream at you, record them with your phone. They will deny what they said later.

You will be okay. Protect yourself and your parents! Do not let them bully you! You can do this!