My older relative delays going for an annual physical. How can I convince them to go, or should I leave him alone?

I think it would be easier for both of you if you just let him be. I know you worry and that is hard, but it is his choice.

My late mother, who lived to the age of 94, stated "your dad is not a 'doctor person.' " My dad died of massive cardiac arrest at age 50. An uncle was urged to have a colonoscopy as he had a family history of colon cancer. He passed away from colon cancer as he didn't want to get a colonoscopy.
I will pray that your older relative can change and be proactive about his health.

I agree. And to be honest, being ‘very religious about ... colonoscopies and mammograms’ doesn’t sound like anything recommended in the New Testament!

He may be afraid to learn he has something.

Anyone refusing to undergo screenings and testings are selfish...they don't think of the possibilities that someone in their family may have to be the caregiver.

Be blunt with him...if you turn out to have colon cancer, I am putting you in a home where they will change your diapers.

Kindness and compassion in this kind of situation is not being helpful but being enabling.

Someone well past 50 isn't old and sounds perfectly capable of making his own decisions. Short of scheduling his appointment yourself and hoping he will go, you have to give up on this dilemma. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

My mothers GYN specialist continued to recommend her getting her annual mamograms but I spoke with radiologist and he said no need to put her through such a procedure any longer. She would cry standing up with the machine compressing her breasts. I felt so sad and decided no more. She was about 80 years old.

Hi MaryKathleen,
Welcome back. I have not seen your post for awhile now. It is so nice to see you on the site again.

He did not 'make you' feel guilty. This is how you decided or automatically felt. Another person may not feel guilty; they could have felt good about their decision to support a person to get medical care. You can change your response / feelings with awareness and desire. This may be your MO - become aware of alternative feelings you might / could have.
* Realize you can only do so much.
* Then let go. This may take practice as you likely are used to trying, trying, trying. Or/and feeling you care so much, you don't want to give up. However, this attitude will back-fire on you, depleting your energy and draining you. And, 99.9% likely won't change him. He's in his own little world.
* Everyone, unless diagnosed to have dementia and legally unable legally to make their own decision, can and will. This DOESN'T mean it is a good idea or even safe for a person to do so, it means they can.
* He is likely depressed; an alcoholic or using alcohol to lessen the pain he feels.
* I believe the only behavior you can do is support him where he is and not argue. Do you ask him how he feels?
Explore this?
Don't agree or disagree. Acknowledge what he says. "I understand you feel xxx"
"It must be difficult for you to feel xxx"
Ask open ended questions.
* Be aware to set boundaries on your time. Know it is okay for you to do what you feel is helpful for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour - or whatever and then stop, leave and feel good about yourself for caring and showing concern / love for this person. We can all go in circles if we let that happen. This often is a intense and quick(ly needed) learning curve - to set boundaries, realize you can, to feel good about what you do or change what you do if you don't feel good about it.
I've been doing this work for 6-7 years (direct service) and off-and-on for 15-20 years. Each person and situation is a learning experience.
* While we / I get better at it, we/I are always learning how to manage / handle these difficult / challenging situations with someone aging and/or w dementia.
* I highly recommend you visit Teepa Snow's website. It is invaluable information for everything to do with dementia/elder care and care providers.
Gena / Touch Matters

Some people are proactive with healthcare and some are reactive. Men tend to fall in the reactive area. A colonoscopy could catch and stop cancer if caught early, but many wait until they have serious issues and cannot fix the problems with OTC meds - they will require more intense care, surgeries, etc. Because of what has to be done for the test, the will avoid it. A dr told me one time that if a man lives long enough, he will get prostate cancer - not sure if that's true or not, but it would sure encourage me to get examined. That's me. I'm proactive.

You won't change his mind. He already told you that you go too often, so you know what he thinks about annual exams and other regular testing. Let it go.

My mother was in a TCU for a broken arm and they did several tests She was in her late 80s at the time. When she got back to her regular doctor (a geriatrician) the doctor told her one of the scans at the TCU shows "something" in her pelvic area. Would she like the doctor to make an appointment with a specialist to find out what it is?

Mom: No. If it is cancer I won't do chemo so what good would knowing it do me?
Doc: Explains improvements in cancer care, and again offers the referral to a specialist.
Mom: I have lived a long life. I am going to die of something. If it is cancer, so be it. I don't need to stress every minute of the life I have left thinking of the cancer cells in me.
Doc: Many of my patients feel this way. (Remember that she is a geriatrician.) It is totally your decision. The offer of a referral is always available, if you change your mind.
Doc looks at me. (I haven't said anything so far.)
Doc: Are you OK with this?
Me: It is completely up to Mother. I see her point and I will support her decision. If she changes her mind, I will support that.

I loved that doctor, but she is in high demand and isn't taking new patients now.