My neighbor in her early 80's fell and broke her hip a week ago. She had surgery and was transferred to a nearby SNF. They called her sister & I both today stating that they had made her a dermatology appointment for a large hematoma (new since surgery) & lesions on her leg and that one of us will must ride with her in a cabulance to the appointment . Ultrasound at hospital ruled out bump is blood clot related. Questions - Is it a requirement to have one of us accompany her in a Cabulance? SNF person said they will cancel appt if one of us does not ride with her. Also, said the reason the appointment is not one of the ones closer is that they can't get her in till March so she will need to go to one downtown - that will no doubt take at least an hour and half driving round trip, appointment time and getting settled in & out of cabulance. Will Medicare cover cost for cabulance? Sister is out of state and I am already doing so much to help.
You don't sound like you want to do this and you shouldn't have to. One of our members was good at saying something like "they won't find an option if you continue to be that option". Don't be the option. That if the sister is not willing to come, then they will need to send her to the hospital.
A broken hip is serious in the elderly. They don't always bounce back or they pass. You may want to tell the sister your help is limited. Tell her what you are willing to do. You will not become this woman's caregiver. The sister may have to hire someone to help the neighbor or she goes to an Assisted Living or Longterm care.
This maybe the time you need to start backing away. Take on no more responsibility. Don't allow the sister or the facility to assume you will be there. Decisions will need to be made. This woman may need to be placed. If sis and nextdoor neighbor think you will be there to help, she may not be placed or CNA hired. So you need to be clear with both, what your willing to do and not do. Accompanying her to a Dr, appt maybe something your not willing to do and thats OK.
We all need boundaries and in this situation even more so.
This entire situation sounds like the SNF is trying to pass the buck onto you. Please be careful. I have first-hand experience as a long-time, long-distance caregiver for my now 99-year old aunt; and watching out for my aunt/advocating for her takes up much of my life.
My aunt fell and broke her hip in the SNF in 10/2025. She was a long-term care Medicaid resident at the time of her fall, but we still have Medicare health insurance.
My aunt had the hip repair surgery (yep) and was discharged to Rehab/SNF on 11/6/2025 (15 days post-surgery). Had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon and even though my brother happened to be visiting, the SNF DID have an aide accompany my aunt AND Medicare covered the transportation to the surgeon’s office. I opted to pay for the wheelchair accessible taxi ride back to the SNF to limit the return trip wait time…EXCEPT my aunt was sent to the ER for emergency surgery. The incision/ surgical site was absessed/infected. She is now back at rehab, thank G-D.
In your friend’s situation, why is her sister NOT insisting that the SNF arrange for an immediate appointment with the surgeon? A dermatologist seems the wrong choice this soon after surgery. And the SNF should provide an aide (at no cost) to accompany your friend. And the transportation SHOULD be covered by Medicare as long as your friend is still covered under her Medicare Part A/B. At least that’s the situation for my aunt now (covered under Medicare/doing Rehab). And we have two appointments next week.
It is really vital that these “care” homes not be permitted to become lazy and rely too much on YOU just because you exist. Sorry to say, but your friend’s POA is going to have to advocate more strongly.
This is not your obligation. I know it’s difficult and you’ve got to take a deep breath. You can be a good friend, but NOT allow the SNF to force you into a role that extends beyond the role of friendship.
If there is any doubt that the SNF is NOT doing what they ought to be doing, please contact your area’s Ombudsman immediately for assistance. That is a free service and in my experience, they are very quick to help.
warmly,
JB
In my case the daughter was out of state but the family had plenty of money to hire temporary help.
I'm not sure why you are already this involved, but it is up to you to determine your level of involvement. Obviously the hospital has your phone number and has given you detailed updates. Your neighbor must feel that you are someone to be trusted with this level of responsibility. If you are not busy, riding with her would be a kind thing to do. It seems you only want the latest details without actually obligating yourself to any action. You do not need to do this. If your neighbor thought you were someone she could count on in a crisis, this may be the end of that relationship.
I was once visiting someone in a hospital when a discharge planner came in to help the patient in the other bed plan his post-hospital discharge and his chemo and radiation appointments. He cheerfully said his neighbors and his cousins had always helped him and would help him now. The neighbor and cousins brought the planner into the hallway and told her no, they had their own medical circumstances and challenges to manage and would not be available for his. It's unfortunate but once you are helpful, people will make assumptions and rely on that help unless you make it clear that you simply can't be available.
This is for the SNF to figure out. What would they do if the patient didn't have a neighbor or sister? They can do that. They can work it out with the sister. You can and should just say no.
Tell your friend's sister, if she cannot do this, to simply say she is sorry, but that isn't something she can do. If you can't do it, then you should say the same.
As to their rules and regulations? I really wouldn't know. But it isn't your problem. The medical team will address it.
Call her out-of-state sister and tell her it is time for family to step in to do more for her OR to help her hire paid aids from Care.com or a local agency.
Who decided she needed to see a dermatologist for a black + blue? This is not derma territory, this is a video telehealth appointment with her primary doctor or atrip to Urgent Care -- but I don't know what they'd do for her. Unless she has a skin tear, I think it is pointless to see any doctor for a bruise.
Please step completely away from this and future situations with this neighbor. Her sister is using you and shouldn't be. If the sister is unable to come here to help her, then neighbor needs to hire help. This doesn't make you a bad person in any way -- in fact, kudos to you for doing yeoman's work for her when none of it was your responsibility.
Make sure the SNF knows not to call you anymore. Refer them to her sister only. Don't answer if they call you. Don't answer your neighbor if she calls. Her care needs will only increase and she and her family need to see the light that it is now at a whole nother level which will not include your future help.