Follow
Share

I've tried to help him but he's become a thorn in my side. I think someone is conning him out of all his money so I've contacted elder abuse about this. I've had to put locks on my gates to keep him out of my yard and letting my dogs out. If my door isn't locked he walks into my house without knocking and asks if I'm naked. I keep my doors locked now. We share a long rural easement that is currently covered in snow. Our CC & Rs dictate that we are to share equally in the cost of easement maintenance, but my neighbor claims he's broke and can't pay. He than proceeds to get his truck stuck in the middle of our private road and he can't afford a tow truck. Neither can I, but I need to get out of the driveway for a doctors appointment. I call friends and we dig him out of the snow and get his truck home. No sooner do I walk in the house then he's back in his truck, driving down our shared road, only to get stuck again! To make matters worse, he's been taking my mail. I ask him not to, but he does what he wants. He then holds my mail hostage so he can garner an invite to my house and flirt with me. He thinks he's real cute and quite the ladies man. I told him I'm reporting his actions to the postmaster general and he got angry and threatened to throw all my mail away. Today I'm having a locking mailbox installed at great personal expense. I've missed doctors appointments and even a nieces' wedding because of him. I've spent hours searching for my dogs on numerous occasions after he let them out of my fenced yard. He laughed about it. He thought it was funny. I'm keeping elder abuse apprised of the situation, I don't know what else to do besides selling my house and moving! I didn't sign up for this. His cognitive abilities are declining. He's also been feeding the deer next to my fence and the deer cause my dogs to bark excitedly. I've asked him to stop because it's illegal and corn is bad for deer's health and he says he'll do what he wants. I bought expensive anti-bark collars for my dogs because I don't want my other neighbors to be inconvenienced by barking dogs. So far my neighbor has cost me $700.00, not including all the gas money I've spent driving him around for the past four years because I didn't want him driving for safety's sake. Now, I just don't care anymore. I've had it! Elder Abuse doesn't seem to be doing much. I told them to check into his finances because I believe his money is being stolen from him. Either that or he's lying to me, as he has on many occasions. I didn't sign up for this! I don't have the patience to deal with a belligerent child who's nice if he gets his own way, contrary if he doesn't. I'm not a caregiver and I owe this neighbor nothing. He has no family that I'm aware of. It seems like I'm the only friend he's got. That is so sad. I'm trying to get him professional help, at least with his finances. He also needs a hazmat team to clean out all the rodent droppings in his house, according to Terminix. A supervisor called me from Terminix and alerted me to the rodent situation in my neighbors house. I reported it to Elder Abuse. They sent a Sherriff out to speak with my neighbor. My neighbor told the Sherriff (who spoke to him outside without ever entering his home) that the rodents are all gone now. The Sherriff left and that was the end of that. What more can I do?

Find Care & Housing
You need to stop being a victim. You also need to stop enabling him by trying to get him help. When he ditches his truck, dig it out but then push it off to the side of the road instead of kindly returning it to him. Stealing someone’s mail is a federal offense. Trespassing is also against the law. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s deliberately opening your gate and letting your dogs out. I’d check to see if that’s vandalism. For heaven’s sake, don’t ever leave your doors unlocked. Asking you if you’re naked is sexual harassment and could be considered stalking.

Keep calling the sherrif, even if it’s 5 times in a day. Sooner or later, he will be proactive if only to stop you from calling. Call your local health department and report what Terminix told you. Stop tolerating this harassment. He’s not your responsibility and don’t make him so.
Helpful Answer (22)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Mar 4, 2019
Great answer!
(4)
Report
He trespasses on your property and lets your dogs out? Worse he enters YOUR home illegally and tries to catch you naked?? WTH ?? The sheriff may not react well to your pest and other calls,, but for hecks sake he is trespassing! Surely that is cause for action? And stealing your mail used to be a federal offence.. report him now. Can you get a door camera, or even a low cost game camera so you have proof he is on your property? Keep records of your calls and WHO you spoke too, because something is surely going to happen here.
Helpful Answer (17)
Reply to pamzimmrrt
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Mar 4, 2019
Like the camera idea! Do it. A picture is worth a thousand words.
(6)
Report
See 1 more reply
Update: I have become a squeaky wheel with the local Agency on Aging. Finally, one of their case workers will be visiting him this week for an assessment. The case worker is also going to visit me at my request. I can then show her the $952.00 I've spent in "neighbor" proofing my property in the past year. New bark collars for the dogs, secondary fence and gate to prevent dogs from escaping, locks for the gates, new locking mailbox, digging out my neighbors stuck truck and labor costs for fencing, mailbox installation and neighbors stuck truck. The reason I've been "soft" on my neighbor is because he never used to be this way. He was a kind and decent man. His deceased wife and I were friends. She passed away four years ago and his dementia has been getting worse since then. He's lost his social filter. I might note that he's old enough to be my father. He's lonely and is using my mail as a way to gain access to me. I was going to report him to the postmaster general this past Saturday, but when I got home, all my previous four days of missing mail was back in my mailbox. So, I bought a locking mailbox that night and had it installed the next day. He has dementia and needs help, not jail!
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to softtouch
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Mar 4, 2019
So glad that you got it sorted out. I was being sarcastic when I said he should be in jail for stealing your mail. People do end up in jail as a last resort sometimes. I felt your frustration and you absolutely had the right to be more than a little annoyed with the situation.

Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. Sorry that you had to go through everything with your neighbor but you can feel good about him finally receiving much needed help now.

He left you no choice but to report the situation. You did the right thing. By doing so, he gets help.

The elderly are so vulnerable. Very sad, indeed. Lonely too.
(6)
Report
See 3 more replies
How about a harassment restraining order?  See if he finds that funny.  Enough is enough.  Make him the State's problem.  Sorry but I'm not feeling compassion for this old folk.  He has issues you are not responsible for solving.
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to wakankasha
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Mar 4, 2019
Like it!
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
Next time his truck is stuck have it towed but not to his house. You shouldn't have to pay for the towing fees. Just tell them there is an abandoned truck blocking your way in and out and they will come out, move it and impound it for being abandoned. If he can't get it back because he can't afford the towing cost and/or impound fees that will at least stop that problem.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to whaleyf
Report
worriedinCali Mar 6, 2019
this isn’t necessarily true especially since it is a shared road. The OP should not blindly follow this advice as it could cause her problems.
(1)
Report
It sounds like he's very troubled and in need of intervention by authorities. People who have cognitive issues often live in a world that is not based on reality. They have delusions and are not able to use reason or good judgment. The same standards that apply to a criminal of sound mind should not apply to a person with mental decline. You should be praised for trying to seek help for him.

I wonder if the right people got the report, because, in all the areas that I know, it's MANDATORY for Adult Protective Services to conduct an investigation into a senior who is at risk or is danger to himself within a short time.

I'd research to see if the right people were contacted and insist on a reason he's still suffering. A precursory visit from a Sheriff's Deputy, who didn't even check the house seems bizarre and wholly inadequate. Sometimes, you have to make a little more noise to get people help. And, even if the county is slack as hell, his condition seems to be more than obvious. I hope he gets the help he needs.

This has to weigh heavy on your shoulders and you should not have to deal with it, however, it's an opportunity for you to really make a difference in saving someone from suffering, so, there's that.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Sunnygirl1
Report
softtouch Mar 4, 2019
I agree with you. I'm finally getting somewhere. A case worker from Adult Protective Services will be visiting him this Thursday, and then she will visit me. I've had two phone conversations with her and was quite impressed with her knowledge and kindness. We both want the same thing for my neighbor; to get him the help he needs.
(10)
Report
Society is not prepared for the deluge of old people with dementia. People like your neighbor, who have no family, and who have lost their minds due to dementia. They have rights so you cannot just take their keys to stop them from driving. They cqnnot care for themselves or for their homes but they don't have money and can't move or wont move. We get told that "as long as they are competent, they have the right to live as they wish and make their own decisions". But their own decisions impact other people negatively as in this case and then they end up needed care anyway because we have to wait for them to fall before anything can be done. I am not proposing that we take away their keys and lock them up but that would be easier. But we as a society don't have a plan or funding to manage this. So all that can be done is call APS and see if they can do something. in the meantime, sounds like you are doing all you can.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to dogparkmomma
Report
robinr Mar 6, 2019
You must have adequate friends and family to take care of you or you would not be suggested the easier route of taking the keys from someone and locking them away, even though you are not "proposing" that.  We are the generation that needs to plan to make sure we are taking care of those who develop dementia and other illnesses with no family.
(3)
Report
Great work getting APS to finally get out to help this poor man.

You have been awesome trying to protect him from himself, you are an example to all of us what compassion looks like in action.

Let us know how it is handled and what the authorities do. It is good information for all of us to know. Never know when it might be our neighbor.

Hugs to you for caring.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

Become a thorn in the Sherriff’s side. Keep calling the authorities every time he does something unreasonable or irrational. Call them whenever he enters your property. Call them whenever his behaviour impinges on your quality of life. One isolated event doesn’t make a problem but when they see the pattern of his behaviour surely they will have to act. Record everything he does, keep a diary of his behaviour. Take photos of his truck on your drive. He needs looking after. And you need your own quota of TLC too. Make sure someone is around to look after you as well. Good luck, neighbours can make or break a person.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to LucyN1
Report

I have found that people suddenly understand situations when you get the police involved. Every time he takes your mail, report it to the police for them to retrieve it. Does he not have family that can be contacted? He sounds like he has dementia and is paranoid.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to srgdean
Report

See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter