We have been neighbors for years. She is like a grandmother to our children. I check on her daily and help out wherever I can. She loves to steep a pot of tea and serve it in her beautiful demitasse cups.
She is so appreciative for any help that she receives. Up until a couple of years ago she would often show her gratitude by baking delicious cookies for our children.
Her son lives in another state. I do have his phone number in case of an emergency.
Her overall health is going down and she confided in me about not being able to do all the things that she used to. She plans on moving to an assisted living facility when the time comes that she can’t be on her own.
As much as she loves her kitty, she says that she now finds caring for him a bit challenging.
Will it confuse her cat if she visits with him on a regular basis? She made it clear to me that she wanted her cat, Sam to move in with us because we love him.
She also said that she wouldn’t want her cat to see her die. I do understand that this is a difficult situation for my sweet friend and neighbor.
Has anyone else experienced caring for a senior’s pet? What worked out best for you?
I was hesitant to ask my question because I realize that it is a relatively minor problem compared to other situations regarding the elderly.
I wasn’t even sure that I would get any responses. When I saw that there was a section on pets, I thought that I would give it a shot and ask my question because I care deeply about my neighbor. She is much more than a neighbor to us.
It is wonderful to see that so many people on this site love animals as much as we do.
Now mom lives with me, with my three kitties (one of which she watched for six months as a kitten). Raz is 12 years old now and still remembered her. Anna sits with my mom for hours and hours just purring and it has been great for mom's mood. Having cats around helps her recall memories of her cats, plus the purring and the meowing. All of my cats are attention wh... they love attention :D and come when their names are called.
It's possibly just a litterbox issue that your neighbor is having, litter is heavy, cleaning them is a pain for anyone, a fall risk as a senior, even if it's one of those funky robotic ones that scoop you still need to bend down and collect the contents. Mechanical kittyboxes is just another point of failure possibility when it comes to collecting cat turds :D
Your cats sound adorable.
I do think you should offer to have Anne visit Sam any time she'd like, putting the ball in her court as to whether she'd like to or not. Your door is always open, or, you'd be happy to bring him by her house for a visit, if she says the word.
It's nice to read a heartwarming story like yours on our site which has been overrun lately with nonsensical/drama-filled posts & snarky comments, which defeats the purpose of such a site.
Best of luck to you, Sam & Anne moving forward.
As much as Anne would hate to say that Sam was becoming a burden for her, I suspect that is exactly how she began to feel. She cared so much for the little guy that she wanted to find him a home before she was unable to care for him.
When you think about it, Anne is very smart to plan ahead like she did. I know that it wasn’t easy for her to let him go. It was selfless on her part, but at the same time a relief.
It is your friend who may not wish to do this. She may be more content just to hear kitty is fine, and not to have to reconnect so closely. Depends on how pragmatic she is and she sounds VERY pragmatic and sensible, a gal who is wise in her ways. Let the decision be hers. We so often go to others when we would be better just to ask the question of the person him or herself.
Overall she is an independent woman, yet very nurturing. I will never forget the expression on her face when she first saw scraggly little Sam for the first time.
We don’t know what happened. He was all alone underneath her steps, no mother or sibling kittens. She scooped him up, took him to the vet and proceeded to take excellent care of him.
I plan on asking her if she wants to visit with him over the weekend. That is when we socialize with her. During the week I am working and I generally only speak with her over the phone unless she needs something in particular that requires a visit.
Honestly... cats don't care much. They are mostly concerned with survival, as is their inherit nature. Don't feel obligated to adopt this cat. There are plenty of no-kill shelters it can go to. Or, do an ISO forever home on Nextdoor.com.
More importantly, I would contact the son and let him know that she is having strange thoughts about her not wanting the "cat to see her die". Yes, this is a strange thought that should send up a red flag. If you can invite yourself into her home (on any pretense) and look around to see if things seem off... like messiness, unopened mail, open pill bottles, food in fridge very expired or moldy, etc.
Memory loss can be very subtle to spot even for people who are close to an elder. You can "test" her by asking *specific* questions, like "who is the President (and then Vice President)", what month/day is it, what season. She would be able to answer general questions, ("How are you?" "What have you been up to today?" and she would answer "Fine" and "Oh, you know,.. this and that") like my own MIL did until we realized she had forgotten how to use even the microwave, so wasn't eating even the simplest of meals, and wasn't taking her thyroid meds properly -- which can create dementia-like symptoms.
Report anything you find to her son so he can help her. He may be her DPoA.
I haven’t noticed anything that I feel is terribly out of the ordinary for Anne.
Like many others, I am able to continue working remotely since Covid. I have tea with Anne once or twice a week.
Her house has always been tidy. She hired a housekeeper to help clean every other week.
Her groceries and prescriptions are delivered to her home. She prepares simple meals for herself and keeps a stash of frozen meals on hand. I cook larger meals on the weekends and share with her as well. She is a wonderful conversationalist.
I suppose that I didn’t consider her speaking of death as strange because she is aging and she views Sam as her baby. She rescued Sam as a stray kitten.
I will keep a close eye on her and report anything out of the ordinary to her son. He is a kind man. He has a busy life but does visit Anne twice a year and calls her often.
He never seemed confused, because it was clear he wasn't "owned" by either of us and we were just living in his world. 😉
I know that Anne is at peace knowing that we are there for Sam.
Gosh, there are so many abusive elderly people, making their sweet, helping children’s lives miserable.
You sound like a wonderful person, OP. And your elderly neighbor too.
The cat will adjust.
A visit from your neighbor will not confuse or upset the cat. He/she will come to depend on you and your family for food, care, scratches behind the ear and treats.
She/he may take a little time to adjust, be kind, gentle but the cat will adapt.
Consider the potential alternative, adoption of an older cat from a shelter is not quick and many shelters are over run and many cats are euthanized. (unless plac ed in a no kill shelter)
I couldn’t stand the thought of Sam going to a shelter and being euthanized.
My neighbor, Anne was nervous about asking me to take Sam in. She is aware of the responsibility of being a pet owner. She also knew that I love Sam and I think that is why she decided to ask me to care for him.
I am glad that she thought to ask me to care for him instead of calling the animal shelter.
Thank you for responding so quickly. This is reassuring for me to hear. I will ask my neighbor if she would like to visit Sam on a regular basis. I will respect her decision no matter what she decides.
I plan on taking regular photos of Sam to share with her.
Sam is a good boy. He is 5 years old, independent, yet is quite affectionate. His favorite thing is to be curled up next to me in the evening on the couch.