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My mother has dementia. She’s 86, has help during the day, not at night. ( Live-in help starts May 22, 25).
The problem is that when she gets up at night to go to the bathroom, she is already urinating in her depends. So when she pulls her pants down, everything is getting wet. She removes it and then has to go to bed without anything on because she can’t get her own Depends on. Last night, she wet all of her blankets and sheets and carpet.Is there anything I can do EVEN once the live-in caretaker is there to prevent this from happening? It is really the only thing that my mom does that makes life difficult for her and her caretakers.I’m afraid if I put diapers on her, she will struggle to get them off and at some point they will fail to hold all that she goes.Thank you for any help you can give me.

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One person cannot give 24 hour care, especially 5 days in row. All humans need sleep every day, not just naps. It sounds like your mom needs care overnight, not just during the day. I would at least start looking for assisted living if you think she is too “with it” for MC.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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Your mother needs to be woken up around 4 am or thereabouts for toileting. A fresh brief or diaper with tabs must be put back on her before she returns to sleep. My mother was in an excellent Memory Care Assisted Living facility (they do exist) and that's how the aides handled nighttime incontinence. It worked beautifully. There is no such thing as incontinence briefs that can handle gallons of urine, period. Schedule the wake up toileting once each night/morning and save yourself some headaches.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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KatTorrecillas Apr 27, 2025
Thank you!! Good idea!
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You could wake her up on a schedule - say, every two hours - and take her to the bathroom. I don't recommend it for obvious reasons. You need your sleep! And when the live-in caregiver's there, you can't expect the caregiver to do it. She'll need her rest after taking care of mom all day.

Generally speaking, when you have a live-in, you also need a relief caregiver. In this case, you could get the relief to come in for an eight-hour (or whatever) shift during which she stays awake to take mom to the bathroom so the live-in can sleep.

The issues you're having with mom's care are why facility care is often better all the way around. My husband is in a memory care facility at present. The care there has been wonderful.
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Reply to Fawnby
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KatTorrecillas Apr 27, 2025
What State is the Care facility your husband’s in?
We are in California.
I think my mom is still too “with it” for me to place her in MC just yet.
I don’t think we can afford the live-in AND relief for her too. I offered her time for naps ( free time) during the day so she would be able to help mom at night too. If I could, it would be a great thing to do. Maybe I’ll have to move in at night. 😔
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Tena Overnights worked really great for my LO with advanced dementia. You will also need to consider "adaptive clothing" for people with dementia: anti-strip jumpsuits that they cannot take off without help.

If she is getting up during the night, you may want to consider a sleep aid, or have her live-in help get her to be more active during the day (this worked for my LO).

I hope it goes well with the live-in, but this person should not be expected to be on 24/7 on-call duty or they will burn out. Please consider another hired person to give her a 2-day break. Suggesting based upon the numerous posts by live-in caregivers who only worked on barter for room & board and no cash (mistake) and were expected to be helping all the time (mistake). Also hope this live-in has experience with people with dementia.
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Reply to Geaton777
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KatTorrecillas Apr 27, 2025
Thank you for responding to my question.

Im afraid a sleep aid will just make her woozy and possibly fall. ???

The live-in will have 2 days off a week, and I offered her nap time as well if she needs it.

We have just remodeled her bathroom and have new carpet, fresh paint, furniture, her own fridge and will cover her utilities & food. She will have use of moms 4Runner and all the house.

I am paying her $4,000. A month.

She has been doing this type of work for years. She is 63 & unmarried. But has a boyfriend who is also a caretaker. She’s very Christian and I’m praying big time that this works out. I do not want my sweet mom to live in Memory Care. The few I’ve seen are a far cry from AL.

Thank you for your suggestions. I will try them. :)

Kat
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Maybe try 2 depends but that will get expensive quickly.

what about a depends and then a pair of period underwear over it?
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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KatTorrecillas Apr 27, 2025
I just saw the period underwear!! But they were $25. Each. Just today I put an extra pad in 10 pair of her Depends to see if this will help. I took a close look at the Depends and I think they are most useful for those of us that sneeze, laugh or cough occasionally!!

The diapers will confuse her and I’m not sure they will work any better.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, I appreciate it very much!

Kat~
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I’ve seen on this site advice to use a onsie for incontinence with closure in back so mom can’t take it off. Put a large pad inside her pull up for extra absorbency.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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KatTorrecillas Apr 27, 2025
I’ll have to checkout the onesie… I’ve not heard of this….or have and have forgotten about it!!

I did just put extra pads in her Depends.

Thank you!

Kat~
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KatTorrecillas - not much you can do at this point if she's getting up and she's alone. My mom lives with me and does same, but just takes off her depends, she doesn't toilet herself at all. Sometimes she puts a clean pair on, but sometimes she doesn't. I always leave 2 clean ones on her nightstand. The only thing I can recommend is get a bed alarm and a baby monitor camera. She won't hear the alarm, but whoever's there with her can check the camera when the alarm sounds (I can set mine to ring or click) and if they see her get up and take off underwear they can go and help her asap. Buy some washable or disposable "chucks" to put on her bed, on top of the bottom sheet. This has saved me a bed change many times. Sometimes she takes that off the bed, too, but anything that keeps bed dry is worth a try. I'm happy any morning to see dry sheets. Good luck and best to you and your mom.
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Reply to Tiredandalone
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KatTorrecillas Apr 27, 2025
THANK YOU!! That is great advice and I will do that! I appreciate your help so much.

This website is a valuable resource!!

Blessings to you & your mom :)
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