My mother's memory loss is starting to take a turn as she is now asking where her parents are. How do we handle this?

My Mom was always a pretty logical person, so when she first asked about her parents I told her that “gran and grandpa weren’t with us anymore.” She’d ask are they dead, and I’d tell her, well grandpa was born in 1896 so he’d be 123 years old! She’s say Oh that’s too old! And we’d both laugh, and say we missed him, and talk about some fun times. When she asked about her brother who had passed away years ago, I’d tell her that he wasn’t with us anymore either, but his picture was right here on her wall over her bed, watching down on her and making sure she was good. She’d say Like Santa? And we’d both laugh again. Of course I’d have to tell her this stuff occasionally, but she seemed to accept it at the time, and I never had to fib luckily. Maybe a large picture of her parents on the wall or her nightstand and a similar story might trigger some happy memories and calm down the questions for a bit.

Thanks everyone! I did kinda tell my mom last week that her parents had passed and did it gently. I told her I was not the most religious person (and we both laughed) but that her parents were looking down and knew exactly where she was and they were always looking over her and thrilled and happy to know that she was safe and had family around. That seemed to settle her for a while but she's back to talking about them. This is so sad.

Hi Elfc158, I think this is common in memory care/assisted living facilities so try not to stress too much about it. I also think alvadeer has great advice on this and many other topics:) I do want to caution to be mindful when attempting to explain that parents are deceased or other loved ones. Pay attention to how she is reacting, it may be too much for her to handle in her stage of dementia and in that case redirection may be the only appropriate answer.

AD is absolutely correct. You cannot convince someone with dementia that what is in their mind isn’t the way it is. My mother wanted to go home and sit on the porch with her parents in the 1920’s. She invited me to come along. I told her that “Mommy” had gone shopping and “Daddy” was at work, so there was no one at home. She accepted that even though it broke my heart to tell her that. It’s just the way it has to be. Not ever easy, , but necessary.

I agree with AlvaDeer. My DW, Luz, was calling out for her Mother at one time and I explained to her that Nanay was dead. I explained to her also that one of her sisters had passed as well as her Father. She cried and so did I but it never happened again.

You can attempt to redirect the conversation, but honestly there is not a whole lot you can do about this other than to gentle tell her over and over again that she is now ____ years old, and that her mother died ____ years ago and her father died ____ years ago. She will not really hear or absorb what you say, in all likelihood,but there is not a lot else to do. Hopefully she will focus on something else. Does she like dogs, cats? There are some nifty little animals out there now that sit on a bed and actually "breathe". Try to refocus her one something else. Sometimes folding washclothes ("Could you help me; I can't catch up") refocuses. So sorry. Not a lot to be done.