My mother's hygiene is becoming appalling. Any advice?

Get a bidet that attaches onto the toilet seat. It'll do wonders to help keep things rinsed off down there.

Focus on what you need. More help? A break?

Focus on what Mom needs.
More supervision, assistance, company?

That gap between what you can do & what Mom needs has widened. It will keep widening.

If you feel your siblings could/should be providing more help, step up to fill the widening gap - ask them directly - what they can & will do.

Although I think you already know the answer.. nada, zilch, nema.

Feeling resentful is a normal reaction. It can mean you are giving too much.

When the care needs increase, so must the care. When it outweighs a reasonable amount for ONE person, a TEAM is needed.

If extended family is full of non-helpers not fit for your team, widen your search - include NON-family to the team: home services, aides, daycare, sitters. (Yes it may cost. Mom's finances may need to be looked at here).

How does that sound?

Oh I hear you on the hygiene issue. My mom is pretty bad and if grosses me out. My mom tried to wipe up poop with a dry chux. Really? How is that CLEAN? With dementia, there is absolutely no understanding of germs! I'd love to see how my mom washes her hands in the bathroom. It's very short and probably without soap or non-existent. It's just gross. YUCK. Do you help her with her brief or are you telling her to take care of it? If you're expecting her to do it, maybe that ship has sailed and you need to help her and be assertive with a statement like "OK, mom, time to change your brief. I need you to do X (stand here, lift your foot, etc. ).


Stop expecting anything from your siblings. They're probably just happy that they're not the ones caring for her. And you kind of can't blame them. You need to consider moving her to an appropriate setting be it nursing home or memory care.

So very long story short, during daytime I escort mom every 2-3 hours to toilet and direct/assist her through each step including changing brief and washing hands. Nighttime has it's own set of problems, again long story short I just ordered anti-strip jumpsuit pajamas for her. Bathing another long story short, I give mom a sitz bath Monday and a hospice aide showers her Wednesday and Friday. A hand held shower is necessary. It has been a 14 month journey.

Prettywitty, sorry you are dealing with that issue, it's not uncommon for someone with Alzheimer's/Demenia.

You need to remember that your Mother's brain is broken, she cannot help what she is doing. Carrying on like a maniac will only damage your health, and scare your Mother.

As for bathing, it is also not uncommon for someone with Alzheimer's/Dementia not to want to bathe. For some reason they don't like the feel of water. They are also afraid of falling in the tub. Some get claustrophobic. There are caregivers that you can hire [with Mom paying for it] that deal with only bathing/showering a client.

Maybe you don't want to even consider this, but maybe it time for your Mother to move into Memory Care if she can budget for the monthly rent. If not, Mother can apply to Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] and they will pay for her care at a nursing home.