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My dad fought us on moving. He wanted to die in his home. Well, he almost did...he came down with the flu, stopped eating and drinking for 5-7 days (mom has Alzheimers so she was unable to assess how dire the situation became). Dad somehow figured out how to text me "help", so I drove to their house, called 911 and dad went to the hospital. They gave him IVs for a few days, then off to acute rehab. In rehab he was insistent that he was going home. The dr said we could not take away his ability to make a decision even though it was clear he was not making good decisions. My sister and I got the social worker involved and she managed to convince my dad to go to AL (although we realized afterwards that he was only agreeing to VISIT an AL, not move to an AL). Boy, was he angry with us when we got him to AL and dropped him off. The verbal abuse we took was unparalleled...I refused to visit him without a "shield" (i.e. another friend or family member that he wouldn't dare act out in front of). I would have stopped visiting altogether if it wasn't for my mom being there as well. There were many times I walked out while he was in the middle of a verbal lashing...
Anyway, approx 2 months in, he finally admitted to my son that "it's easier for us here (but don't tell your mother)".
And as far as "dying at home", yea that didn't happen either - it is pretty rare to die in your home - he contracted pneumonia, went to the hospital and never left.
My point is - as we get older, we sometimes lose sight of what is best for us and make poor choices simply to retain the illusion of independence.
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Please discuss this with the social workers; this is the best time to get discharge planning in place, and possible placement. This requires honesty on your part to discuss with your mother that you can no longer be involved in this level of caretaking. The social workers can help you to do that with your mother, and to work toward a solution.
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