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Her misplacement of many items has increasingly become unbearable. She constantly accuses me of stealing her money. Many many days I have spent hours finding many items, including money that she has hid. Is there any suggestions of what I may do to handle this behavior I truly appreciate any advice. I have suggested that I hold her money for her in an envelope with the date and amount with our initials. She won’t hear of it. I’m very exhausted looking for things every single day that she has misplaced. I know this is part of a disease. Any suggestions would be grateful. Thank you in advance.🙏🏻

I agree with others. She should not be handling money. These accusations are flags of paranoia and she (and those around her) could likely benefit from her taking calming meds. They definitely helped my dad who had dementia and became impossible to deal with in many ways and a danger to himself and to my mom.

She should not be living alone and I do not recommend your living with her either. That means memory care. If you go the live-in aides route, I suspect she will accuse them of all kinds of untrue things and it will be unworkable.

Sorry you are going through this!! I strongly believe dementia is harder on caretakers than it is on the person afflicted.
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Reply to Suzy23
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I strongly suspect that the Memantine is no longer effective.
Most of the medications prescribed to slow the progression do not work long term. (the conundrum is do you take them off it on the off chance that it is still working..???)
Your mom should no longer have money, car keys, credit cards or any access to financial affairs.
She should not be living alone (if she is)
Items of importance you can put tracker tags on so that you can more easily find them
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Reply to Grandma1954
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My grandfather was put on Memantine and Sertraline by the VA but to be honest I did not think either of them did anything to help. He started to get increasingly paranoid and aggressive with us and finally it all came to a head and he ended up in a facility. I still struggle with it but I know that I would probably be in a hospital of some sort had he not been removed from the home. I was physically and emotionally exhausted and felt alone since no one else in my family has any interest in him. ( he has never been a nice person, he just played one in his OWN mind) I feel like money is always an argument and at this point I am tired of it. He constantly tells people I am stealing from him (he thinks paying for his care is stealing since he believes he can live at home for free). I dont think I will ever get used to being the villan in his mind and I struggle with that a lot but if you still have a decent relationship with your mom I think now is the time to start looking into MC.
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Reply to laura9574
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Your mother should be put into a memory care facility now. If she needs to be medicated, a nurse will do this. She will be looked after. She will not have access to money or valuables so you will not have to worry about that.

There is no reasoning with dementia, the behaviors, or the asinine nonsense that comes with it.

No more you spending days exhausting yourself by searching for money and items she hides or has forgotten about. No more catering to her demands because she's not in her right mind. Ignore her nonsense and get her placed in a memory care facility.

I have a long experience in homecare. I have seen every type of dementia there is and dealt with all of the behaviors. Know what I've asked countless families who were dead set against facility placement for their demented LO?

I's ask if that same loved one appeared to be having a heart attack or a stroke, would they refuse to have them go to the hospital? If they needed a life-saving surgery, or antibiotics because they were sick, would they deprive them?

All of them said no. Then don't deprive a person with advanced dementia the care they need either which is a memory care facility.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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I do hope and pray that your mom isn't living by herself anymore as she is now beyond being able to do that.
Your mom is now in the paranoia phase of dementia, and there are medications that her doctor can prescribe for that. so please talk to them about that.
And of course I do not recommend having your mom move in with you as she will only continue to get worse, so it may be time to be looking into getting her placed in a good memory care facility, where she will be looked after 24/7 and kept safe.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Don't give her money! Yes, it's her money, technically, but she shouldn't be managing it. Does she even know how much she has to hide around the house? Do you?

You could prepare packets of money identical to what she's hiding, then produce them when you're supposed to be looking for what she's "lost." The other will eventually show up. Or you could permanently "lose" the money you "stole," and say, "Sorry mom, so sorry, but it looks like it's really lost this time. Let's go eat some ice cream."

Perhaps the doctor could prescribe a med for anxiety, which could help.
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Reply to Fawnby
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BurntCaregiver Jul 31, 2025
There's no point in even doing that, Fawnby. You can't reason with dementia.
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You are correct. There is little to be done about progression and in this you are "lucky" if you will, as a decade in she's still functioning to some extent.
Of course at this time she should not be managing any money at all but very small amounts. If you are her POA I know you are aware of that.
There's little we can give you other than our sympathy and that you surely do have.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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