She is staying at a privately run home with 4 other residents. She is 95 1/2 years old. Her incontinence has been a major issue. She lived alone at home till 9 months ago with in home help several days a week. She has always slept with a nightgown and no underwear. The smell in her bedroom and bathroom was overwhelming. And she still refused to wear depends (because she has no problem, we are all crazy).
I moved her to an assisted living facility where she had her own apartment for 6 months. The smell there got to be the same. Urine everywhere. All over floor when she gets out of bed. She has developed this new behavior that she will no longer sit on the toilet. No matter if there is a 6 inch riser on a high toilet, or a toilet chair that sits up very high.
So I moved her to this lovely privately run home that is closer to me two months ago. And now, she is spraying pee all over the bathroom because she refuses to sit. I bought her very expensive quality briefs to wear to bed at night. She removes them and throws on the floor. And every morning all of the bedding is soaked along with her night gown, so they need to change all the bedding and shower her daily.
She seems to fear sitting, that she won't be able to get back up. Yet, when I take her back to her room, she puts her hands on the arms of her lift chair, then "drops" into it. I told her it is the same with the toilet. She can hold on to the supports and drop down onto the seat.
I am at wits end with this situation. She told me yesterday she will do what she wants and no one is going to tell her what to do. It is such a wonderful place, versus all the alternatives. I fear she is going to become such a problem that they won't want her to stay. They don't want the place to stink and they are really fighting a battle to keep it so.
BTW She received PT and OT at previous assisted living facility. And now is receiving in home PT for 4 weeks at the current home. The PT told me when she takes her in there, she will sit and stand up.
Has she been worked up for dementia?
If not, then start looking at nursing homes because there will be no other alternative.
Fear, stiffness & pain may be factors preventing ability or willingness to sit & stand too.
I'm not sure what can be done...
At some point, people become bedbound & require bedpans & very absorbant incontinent pads. Then it can be managed by staff.
Until then, pullups that look & feel like regular underwear during the day. For night, pad and disposable pants overtop (without ripable sides). Just maybe if she cannot get them off easily she will tire & give up?
I did find some onsies that are just more like the ones you use for babies, that fasten down at the crotch area, more like a swimming suit. Yes, she will have a bloody fit. She is about the most defiant and stubborn person you have ever met. "NO ONE WILL TELL ME WHAT TO DO"
I have asked them to stop liquids after dinner, except for a small sip to wet lips.
Not allowing her to have anything to drink after dinner except a small sip of water to wet her lips is abuse. That is abuse to deny someone water if they thirst.
As for her defiance and stubbornness. She's not in charge anymore. You make her decisions now, she does not.
If it's time for her to go into memory care and it certainly sounds like she is, then place her in one.
Pay no mind her tantrums and defiance.
That’s a common trick to use with children who take their diapers off.
https://www.silverts.com/all-adaptive/pants/alzheimer-s-jumpsuits