Today we had a big blowout because now she wants to make other arrangements of which she does not have the funds to do. I am sick because all my husband and I have tried to do is make her life more comfortable.
“I heard my 93 yr old aunt Muttering one day. “ At least I remember to wipe. I don’t notice anyone wanting to take that job over”.
Oh my goodness! I am almost rolling on the floor! I can completely picture that and it is cracking me up, although I am sure it was no fun for you at the time. Thanks for ending my day with a laugh:)
Hi Lost I am sorry you are in a rough patch here. This is so hard for you and mom and of course DH. Do your very best to do as mom suggests to find alternate care. You will learn a lot about what is available and what is not. Don’t assume because she doesn’t have big bucks for ALF that its your job to care for her. In fact the best way to get her help is to present her situation just “as she is”. Call your Area Agency on Aging. Have them step in to advise you of which resources are available for you and for mom. Its best to get her name on lists if necessary early rather than late. Read all you can about her condition. Listen to Teepa Snow videos. Read “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. Read the “36-Hour Day”. Visit this forum often and you will pick up pointers that will help you along the way. Establish boundaries and take good care of yourself and your husband. That’s best for all three of you. No one wants their kid (or anyone else) telling them what to do. Take a breath. You can’t fix it, you can only manage it and remember that everyone’s feelings matter. I heard my 93 yr old aunt Muttering one day. “ At least I remember to wipe. I don’t notice anyone wanting to take that job over”.
They don’t realize that the roles reverse because they aren’t always able to make the best choices.
Still, it’s extremely difficult for them to lose their independence. I don’t know if their is a good answer for this. I wish I had a solution for you.
I wish you and your family well.
Oh my goodness! I am almost rolling on the floor! I can completely picture that and it is cracking me up, although I am sure it was no fun for you at the time. Thanks for ending my day with a laugh:)
I am sorry you are in a rough patch here.
This is so hard for you and mom and of course DH.
Do your very best to do as mom suggests to find alternate care. You will learn a lot about what is available and what is not. Don’t assume because she doesn’t have big bucks for ALF that its your job to care for her. In fact the best way to get her help is to present her situation just “as she is”. Call your Area Agency on Aging. Have them step in to advise you of which resources are available for you and for mom.
Its best to get her name on lists if necessary early rather than late. Read all you can about her condition. Listen to Teepa Snow videos. Read “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. Read the “36-Hour Day”. Visit this forum often and you will pick up pointers that will help you along the way. Establish boundaries and take good care of yourself and your husband. That’s best for all three of you. No one wants their kid (or anyone else) telling them what to do.
Take a breath. You can’t fix it, you can only manage it and remember that everyone’s feelings matter.
I heard my 93 yr old aunt Muttering one day. “ At least I remember to wipe. I don’t notice anyone wanting to take that job over”.