My mother wants to come home and is in her right mind. Is relying on nursing homes the best we got? -

My mother wants to come home and is in her right mind. Is relying on nursing homes the best we got?


Sorry,this is the second question of mine today but I do need help. My mother (93 years old) has sleep apnea, not dementia, but the nursing home says otherwise. My mother has been depressed and crying to come home. She asks me every time I see her. She is in her right mind and misses watching tv together and playing board games and the whole entire being at home with family thing. I'm her only family. The nursing home implies she'll be living there probally all her life. If my mother did not have her mental faculties intact I could easier overlook her pleading, but she's completely sane and level headed,no dementia or Alzheimer's. It tears me apart to look at her and say no. She knows I want her back home. I don't know what her condition is but she went in the hospital for a retracted knee and UTI. The state claims they're doing some kind of 'lifting' of her that she cannot get living at home. Maybe they're lifting her to change her diapers, I don't know. Even the state couldn't explain it to me. The woman from the state says she needs 24/7 care because she's bedridden and insists it's care she will not get at home. I only know that I want her home and she hates that place and wants to come home to where everything is familiar and homey. How can the state force her to live their where she's so unhappy? It's so cold and 'facility like' at that place. Not much different than a hospital. She has NONE of the freedoms and choices of entertainment that she has at home, she loves her tv shows and sitting on the patio. She misses her home...period. Is there any possibility that a patient can get the inpatient help they need at home and completely through Medicare or Medicaid. Is relying on nursing homes the best we got?



I think the answer to your question here was adequately answered on your other post. I suspect your mother is in the nursing home because there is no one at home to care for her. Read carefully the posts here and on your other question. I am sure you are very anxious with this new situation. The people at Adult Protective Services or other agencies suggested in the other posts will be able to help you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Treeartist

This person has another post explaining he is disabled and parents have supported him. So he has two things going on here. Can he care for a mother with his disability and now he is being told no more money coming his way for support.
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Reply to JoAnn29

The NH Mom was in supplied Tv's in the room with cable.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Like gladimhere I'm confused about what your mom's circumstances are and who is in charge of her care, but there is usually a lot that you can do to make a nursing home space more comfortable and home like: furniture, pictures and art, comfy pillows and blankets, and there is usually an option to buy cable TV service as well so she could watch her shows.
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Reply to cwillie

I am confused Dennis. Were you living with her prior to hospitalization? Is she in the nursing home for rehab? Why is the state involved at all?
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Reply to gladimhere

When you say "the state" do you mean the nursing home, or someone from a state agency? Is your mother a ward of the state?

Was Mom bedridden while you lived together? It took 2 aides and a lift machine to get my mother up from bed or from her wheelchair. This happened several times a day. She spent most of her day in her wheelchair. She liked being in a day room with other residents, playing bingo, attending live entertainment, etc. The NH was even able to take her and other residents shopping once a month, using a van she could stay in her wheelchair. Mom had a hard time adjusting to the nursing home, but after the first few months she was quite content. Your mom would not be able to go sit on the patio at home unless someone can get her out of bed and into a wheelchair. Have you watched how they do that at the nursing home?

You have disabilities that prevent you from working. Taking care of a bed-bound elder is a lot of work! I'm sure your heart is willing! It takes more than that.

Why is she bedridden? What is her condition? What is the prognosis? Is she likely to get worse? You really need to know these things and how they will impact her care.

Are you visiting often? You and Mom can watch her television shows together there, can't you? Bring in her favorite board games (or check what they have at the nh) and play with her, daily if you like. Once aides get mother up, you can push her in the wheelchair out onto their patio and enjoy the fresh air.

You have a lot of things to find out about the care your mother needs. But it really sounds like the kindest thing you can do is help Mom right where she is.
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Reply to jeannegibbs