My mother says when I finally asked her that when we do anything nice for her or tell her ...she does or says mean things back. Advice?

There are some people you can never make happy. They are called Debbie Downers. I "had" a friend like that, no matter how you try and help there is always a reason why she can't do it. Sorry, I will lead u to the water but I will not drink it for u. The last straw was a VM telling me she was upset I never told her about any luncheons coming up. I had no idea what she was talking about. Tried to call her back, went to to a FULL voicemail. Sent a text telling her I had no idea what she was talking about. That was April, this is July. She has not called me back. I am done.

What u may need to do with Mom is apologize for not being able to make her happy so ur aren't going to try anymore.

You can't make people happy that don't know how to be. They have to do it for themselves. When she is nasty, tell her u do not deserve it and walk away. Always walk away. Don't engage. Just say "When u can be nicer, I'll be back"

She is toxic, like my mother, when she gets nasty I pick up my purse and leave, no explanation. If she asks me why I tell her I will continue to leave if she gets mouthy, and I will. She can't control herself, so I leave a lot...works for me...I will not be abused by her or anyone!

Is it that your Mom is "different" now? Because if this is her "normal", then there isn't a lot to say. Not everyone is a happy person or a nice person. If this is a change brought on by a failing mind then it could have to do with that, or with depression. A lot of depression manifests as anger, and the loved ones are usually the ones most lashed out at because they are there, and because they usually don't leave with bad behavior. You won't be able to change her. Just continue to act in a loving manner, but move away, whether to another room or another house.