My mother refuses to quit smoking. Any suggestions?

Kriley64, your Mom isn't refusing to quit cigarettes... she CAN'T quit. This habit is too far ingrained for her to do anything about it now. And her health isn't going to get better if she does quit. It's an old myth that one's lungs will start to clear up upon quitting :(

Since your Mom has dementia, eventually she will forget how to even light a cigarette.... don't know if Medicaid would pay for those nicotine patches, as your Mom will need something to help her.

Have your sister by generic cigarettes. The cheapest thing available. Mom won't be thrilled but at least she will have her cigarettes, and your Dad will have peace in the valley. Have sister tell Mom a therapeutic fib saying her favorite brand isn't available any more.

My dad’s brother, my uncle had his voice box removed due to smoking. He smoked the cigarettes without a filter. He had cancer and still smoked after his surgery. I didn’t say a word to him about quitting! Why? He was suffering enough. It wasn’t like he would have a fighting chance if he quit.

He suffered so much that he attempted suicide in the hospital. He slit his wrist and was furious at the doctors and nurses for saving his life. He was also furious at the nurse who told me about it. I saw the bandage on his wrist but it didn’t cross my mind that he tried to kill himself. I wish for his privacy and dignity she would never have told me. He was humiliated.

I was like a daughter to him. He wasn’t married, had no children. My father’s side is Scottish and Irish so he had red hair and beautiful blue eyes.

I will never forget holding his hand and looking into his beautiful blue eyes and telling him that I understood. It killed me that I saw shame in his eyes. I was the only one of my dad’s kids to visit him.

None of my brothers ever went to visit him. He would ask for them. I would ask them to visit him. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I would say they were busy. He knew better. I worked full time but I still found time to go see him.

I had compassion for him. He did not go to church. Claimed not to believe in God. Didn’t bother me. He was a fantastic uncle to me and I loved him.

My dad’s family was very strict (Pentecostal type church) and he had enough of that. He was a good man. He helped others. He worked hard. He loved his two dogs. He had a great sense of humor!

He didn’t want to burden the family so he donated his body to science. He asked for his body be used for cancer research if possible. He asked not to have a memorial service because he wasn’t religious. My mother insisted on a memorial. It was odd.

When anyone would send a minister to his room he would chase them out. The hospital chaplain respected his wishes. Why my mom felt she had to have a service was beyond me.

Anyway, I would show a dying person mercy. Let them smoke at this point. Smoking is extremely difficult to quit.

Your Mother has stage 4 cancer. That means she will die of cancer if she doesn't have heart attack, stroke, or sudden accidental death pretty soon now. Bone cancer is VERY painful.
Why in the WORLD, with all that she is losing now, is it important that she quit smoking? Do you believe that her quitting will give her even a month more time to suffer? Is it important for some other reason.
As well as being a killer, cigarettes are very expensive. I understand. So she may not be able to have as many as she would like. Still.
I hate to bring up the vapping controversy, but my smoking addicted friend was just told to DO it. That the deathes from vapping almost always have to do with marijuana and additive, and that you get more nicotine from vapping. Would she want to give that a try?
Honestly, with her death now quite imminent I cannot imagine her going through quitting. I quit 1,000 times before, 30 years ago, it finally took. It is horrific to do, very depressing. Let her smoke away this few final bits of time, to my mind.

I understand that it's an expense that's very difficult for one to justify; but since she is terminally ill, I agree with others who have suggested you bite the bullet and help her suffer the least amount possible in what time she has left. My mother quit smoking five years before she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Quitting will not save your mother's life, but quitting against her will will only make things worse. And it's not worth the additional conflict between you and your mother. We have so many other things to battle with our loved ones. Take the path of least resistance as much for your own sanity as everyone else's. Best of luck to you on this impossible path that we share.

You do not have to answer the phone when she calls, you do not have to continue to talk either.

I have never been a smoker and have had family members who were smokers die of lung cancer. I also have a very good friend who I love to bits who smokes. She has the beginnings of COPD and Asthma, plus a digestive condition that is worsened by smoking, but she cannot quit. The stress of quitting is tremendous.

In your mum's case, smoking has already killed her. Continuing to smoke will not change anything.

As ff suggested ask her doctor about the patch or even vaping. One Aunt who smoked from the time she was a child was able to quit using vaping. But she does not have dementia and wanted to quit.

I don't know if it would be cheaper, but if you can switch her to vaping there would be advantages. 1. As long as she's got the "e-cigarette" in her hand she probably won't need the stuff you put in them so much. A lot of smoking addiction is actually about the ritual rather than the nicotine itself. 2. You won't run into the fire hazards you'll have to tackle eventually if she keeps on with the lighting-up kind. 3. E-cigs are apparently more acceptable in communal areas. Goodness knows why. They smell like terrible cheap air freshener if you ask me.

I speak, by the way, as a stubborn smoker who spends a ridiculous amount of time standing outdoors in all weathers as a result. Humph!

I agree with what mostly everyone else is saying: let her continue smoking, what's the difference at this point? Buy her the least expensive cigarettes YOU can afford, when and if you can afford them, and let it go at that. Tell her you'll do the best you can with providing her with with as many ciggies as you can afford, and that she should let them last as long as possible. In reality, vaping is just as expensive as smoking real cigarettes, if not MORE so, and not much healthier, either. Vaping DID allow me to quit smoking years ago, but I wanted to quit, I didn't have dementia, and I didn't have lung cancer (thank you God) or COPD (yet) either.

Best of luck and so sorry for all the anguish addiction CONTINUES to cause ALL of us human beings.

hospice told me when my mom was hallucinating 24 hours a day that i was going to have to start deciding things for her. she only had weeks to live . i told them that in her home they would adhere to her wishes and i dont give a damn how irrational they were. she died feeling ' in charge ' , safe , and supported .

i thought i left a lot to be desired as a carer. in hindsight, i think she had the right carer .

Your mom has an addiction which is very hard to quit. I know because I smoked my whole life & tried 2 hypnotists, the patch Wellbutrin & chantix twice. Nothing worked!

3 years ago my son took me to a vape store & I started vaping. Within a couple of months I gave up cigarettes & was vaping using favors . This really helped me & it’s so much cheaper than smoking. If you try it just make sure you go to a regulated vape store & not the e cigarettes that they see at convenience store & the like.

i hope this helps.

Neither you nor your sister have to buy her cigarettes. Driving 2 hours to deliver cigarettes would be a nonstarter for me. If she can't afford cigarettes, ask her doctor to prescribe a nicotine patch. Medicare or Medicaid should cover the cost of the patch. She is as addicted to the *act* of smoking i.e. the ritual opening of the carton, pulling out and lighting that cigarette and lifting it to her mouth for that first drag as she is to the actual drug i.e. nicotine. Let her get her nicotine fix just via a new route of delivery.