My mother has lived with my husband and I since 1995. Things were ok, occasionally she'd say or do something that bugs me but on Sept 16th she was in a car accident when a guy ran a red light. I'm really trying to care for her and drive her whatever she needs to go but the past 2 days I find myself getting angry. I can't go outside on my front porch, she'll follow me. I go to the back deck, she follows me. I can't even be in my bedroom behind closed doors, she'll just come on it. I don't know what to say or do. She'll be 79 in November. Any suggestions would be great. Thank you.
Best of luck to you.
If she's ok physically and mentally, and you have a good relationship, then you might ask her "Mom, I notice since your accident, you've been quite clingy with me. What's going on?" If she expresses disbelief, give her specific examples "the other day, I was in my room with my door closed and you came in" or something like that.
It doesn't have to be confrontational. Getting in a car accident is quite traumatic, and she may suddenly have come to the realization she is aging and there will probably be a time in the not-so-distant future that she will need to rely on you for help. That's scary, especially if your mother has been living more or less independently until now - that is, she could get out and about by herself, get herself to her doctors and other appointments, do her own shopping/cooking/laundry as needed, etc.
My mom - who also successfully lived with us for a long time - had taken a fall that required hospitalization, and then they recommended she go into rehab to get her strength back. She balked at the suggestion, which irritated me; mostly because I knew she if she didn't get her strength back, she would become much more dependent on me. It struck me, however, to ask her directly, why she was so reluctant to go somewhere to regain her strength; she told me she was "afraid they'll never let me out". So, I told her "Well, ma, once insurance stops paying, you tell them you won't pay out of pocket; they'll throw you out pretty fast". She laughed at that. I think once she was able to verbalize the fear and talk a little about it, it drove those particular demons away.
If you have the kind of relationship where you and mom can talk, I would seriously start with a conversation about the clinginess. If she's still rattled from the accident, it might help her get over it a little faster.
Good luck!