My mother lives in her home in a small isolated desert town. It's so small there's barely a gas station. How can I help her?

Good idea to not tell them you're coming.  You do want to see everything in their natural state.

So Real,

How does that work for the OP’s mom? Is there still a penalty even if she pays the money back? So sad that she caused herself and her family this grief. Maybe her decline in her cognitive abilities have clouded her judgment. Hope they can settle it to where she can receive the help she will need for her care.

I think most of us agree with you. I was hesitant to say this but my first thought was, if you are so concerned about your mom then get yourself down there and see what’s really going on. She may have made her choices but if family is truly concerned they need to go down there and get involved.

Thank you for your answers. Here is more information to evaulate the situation. Would the state of Utah find her safe placement if she refuses help from the family? Sister 1 Her husband supposedly stole our mothers money, then my mother found it. Sister 2 my mother doesn't trust and they don't get along. I am the only one she would trust, however, I am in California. Since my mother didn't give medicaid money, they have taken that away from her and the food card. I did drive out to see my mother and yes her caretaker is taking her to town when necessary. My mother can have a conversation with us but she tends to blame people for things they didn't do. She has isolated herself from people and the things she has said about people. Years ago I had asked my mother to come to California where I could help her and she would be close to doctors and so forth. She said no many times. I think the caretaker may have some burn-out issues because she wrote to me and a sister that we never communicate to our mom and my mom feels like she has no one so she should just die. Also, she lost her companion, a dog, a few months ago. She has been sad over that too. When I say this is a small town, I mean tiny. No grocery store nothing. The caretaker was a friend of the #2 sister and comes to visit and take our mother to town. I told the caretaker that I was unable to connect with our mother on the phone, which I used to do on a regular basis. She said she is looking into it. Finally our mother contacted me this week since I sent her a note in the mail. I have been sending her text messages with no response. Our mother didn't want to give medicaid her money. It was an inheritance. Thats why she has no medicaid now. And our mother thinks she can give her home to sister #2. I guess one concern of mine is no accountability regarding the caretaker using our mothers money for gas and lunches with our mother. Plus, I think our mother could use more interaction with others, which she usually declines. I just feel badly that her last days are spent feeling like no one cares and she should just die.

Just reinforces what I said above. Your mother doesn't wish to have your help. When the poop hits the fan the caretaker will likely either enter Mom into care and pay her way with her funds until she requires medicaid, which then they can apply for, OR the caretaker, if nefarious, will pocket the money and call EMS. At which time the State should take over guardianship and care of your mother. I don't see this as your problem, to be honest. Your Mom doesn't want your help, and won't whether she is demented or not in all likelihood.

The caretaker is a woman who lives nearby. She takes my mother to dr. appts. and to the market. But this caretaker is the only one who sees her. The caretaker has taken the balance of the money my had and has put it away. She lost medicaid and her food card because the money was a substantial amount, so the state said either pay for her past medicaid for the last ten years and of course she no longer was eligible for food money. The family member hadn't stolen her money. It was in another place in her house.

One of my sisters is no longer supposed to have any contact with her because my mother blamed him for the disappearing money. Which my mother found eventually. My other sister is unable to care for her and I am in California.