She can't take care of herself! Fell a more than once,want take he meds and current in the hospital. I live in GA. There are 5 other siblings live in the same town. But because she has made at that stage she wants listen to them they want go every day to check on her. Ever time she gets sick and goes into the hospital and the doctors states she need to be in a nursing home,the always tell the doctors that they will go every day and make sure someone is there with her, because they don't want her mad at them. And there is one sister that's have a medical power of attorney. BUT if she try to use it she knows my mom want speak to her anymore. I have told them on in numerous time we should have a family meeting with the doctors to get her out her before something bad happens. BUT no seems to care,they just in there feeling. Need some advice, because I work in the medical field for 22yrs. I can see the good and the bad of this.

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As a side note, medical POA only activates if mom doesn’t have the ability to make her own decisions. So far I haven’t heard that she is medically unable to understand and make decisions, just that she is very stubborn and the decisions are bad.

So the bit about the POA being “afraid to act because mom won’t talk to her” might be true, but the POA powers aren’t even active yet, Unless there’s more to the story.

Also: Chronic kidney disease stage four is potentially nearing dialysis, but it doesn’t mean let someone needs dialysis yet. Could stay that way for years.
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Reply to Rumbletown

Mom picked your sister that she knows she can control to be her POA, that is very typical. My mom surrounds herself with the yes mam children and the one (me) that doesn't live in the clouds and is more vocal , she won't even put me on her emergency call list, in fear I'll call the doctor and tell on her, when she falls, but tells the doctor it wasn't a fall.

My POA brother is an officer in the army and he believes everything mom tells him. I planted all her flowers, she tells him she did it and I wasn't even there that day and he believes her.

Honestly, I have no advice for you , I'm sorry, hopefully others will , have better advice .

We are both going through the same thing. I think we have to take it one day at a time.

Best of luck to you
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Reply to Anxietynacy

Your Mom is not going to live much longer if she is ready for dialysis and can't get it because of age or her heart. Dialysis is hard on the body. Once her kidneys stop working, toxins will build up, sepsis will set in and she will pass. Your family will just need to continue to check on her. She may qualify for Hospice. She will get a nurse checking on her 1x a week. An aide 2 or 3x a week to bathe her. Supplies like Depends, Chuxs which are mattress covers, and meds for comfort and anxiety. A hospital bed can be gotten as other durable equipment too. Just be aware, there will be no more Dr. visits or hospital visits.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Tell the social worker at the hospital there is NOBODY to care for mother at home and she's an UNSAFE DISCHARGE if they let her go home alone. If mother gets mad, oh well, too bad. If she won't speak to you siblings for saying the truth, fine, who cares? She'll be safe in a nursing home and that's the only thing you siblings should be concerned with: her safety.
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Reply to lealonnie1

Please accept that, since there is a MPoA *and* the other siblings are willing to orbit around her in her home, you have 0 power in this situation.

Honestly, be glad you live farther away so that you're not sucked into this unproductive vortex of exhausting activity and cycle of fall/ER/hospital/rehab/home rinse, repeat. Been there, done that with my own relative.

At some point in the near future she will have a life-ending fall or medical incident. Maybe consider going to visit her now while she's alive and knows you rather than at her funeral. Go with no expectations to argue about how she's now choosing to live. Just go and visit with your Mom and enjoy her before you can't.
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Reply to Geaton777
Anxietynacy Jun 25, 2024
Your right
I am going to provide you here with the only comfort I can.
Your mother is now 95. She is at the end of her life.
If something happens now, your mother will have "done it her way" and stayed in her own home.
I would take comfort in that.
I doubt she would live a lot longer if removed from what she loves and put into care.
There is often, at the end of life a case of quality versus quantity of life. Your mother would like vote for quality.

If you truly wish to pursue this you can call APS with your story, accuse the POA of neglect, ask for wellness checks and that a case be opened for removal of POA and placement for mother in safe care. Where the outcome will likely be the same as had you done nothing. As I said, your mom is 95. She is currently doing it "her way" if unsafely.
I have no easy certain answer for you. Just some things to think upon.
Good luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

You’re another coming here with a sadly common scenario. An elderly parent living in an unsafe environment, unable to care for herself, being given the illusion of the situation working by relatives coming in and propping her up, all while she demands that nothing change. To be honest I have a hard time understanding how these adult children, most often seniors themselves are instilled with such fear of their mothers. What an amazing guilt job mom did that no one still stand up and take action to get her cared for and safe! If the medical POA won’t act, if no one will call Adult Protective Services and report the situation, that she’s in an unsafe living environment, if mom continues to intimidate you all, there’s really nothing to do but wait until she has the final medical emergency that forces either a change or her death. Sorry it’s such a tough place to be in
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Reply to Daughterof1930
Graceandpeace65 Jun 24, 2024
I am the only one that will stand up to her. BUT I am in a bad place cause we just manger to have a relationship. She gave me away as a child. It seem like I am the only cares what happens to her. When I tell them about getting her home health help or removing her. They tells her and she gets man an want answer her phone. It have been like that for a long time
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