My grandmother has been recently diagnosed with dementia, it was no surprise for us since we've seen how her memory has been deteriorating, she's now 85 and it's only getting worse. I live far from home and try to visit as much as possible (work and covid makes it impossible sometimes). My mom is now on her own taking care of my grandmother, whom she's never had a good relationship with, and they live in separate homes as basically neighbors.
My mom has never accepted help from anyone, even myself (her own son), and since she dislikes her mother, she doesn't want to put money out of her pocket, so everything related to medications and doctors is paid with my grandma's retirement money.
I constantly talk to both of them, but it's taking a toll on me. I cannot longer stand a conversation with them mainly focused on how much my mother is tired of my grandma, and having my grandmother asking for every dead relative. I no longer want to talk or visit them and my anxiety is over the roof whenever I offer help to my mom.
I have spoken to 3 or 4 nursing services and my mother doesn't even want to hear me out, she just uses money as an excuse to not pay for the service. I by myself, can't even afford half the pay of the nurse, and my mother's siblings pretend that the situation does not involve them and just complain about how bad of a job my mom is doing.
I can honestly say that I'm exhausted of not being able to have a relationship with my mom, that I can't help my grandma live peacefully and comfortably, and I always feel guilty of not reaching out anymore for my own mental health.
And the thought of my mother aging the same way as hers, makes me wonder how will I be able to handle that type of situation, especially since I'm an only child, my father passed away not long ago, and I feel so alone and sad that I will probably be by myself taking care of her.
I'm just... exhausted of feeling guilty