Update, my mom has been in the hospital since she was sent to the ED from her previous placement they refused to take her back, and they took her one-to-one away in the hospital soon after and has been in the psychward since, but she has gotten worse not better. On Monday her doctors told me that they are unsure what to do. They did try the wide gambit of drugs to relax her like Haldol and Seroquel among other things. With Haldol and Seroquel low dosages did nothing and with higher dosages the doctors felt the side effects did not outweigh the benefits.
Increased heart rate which exceed what her heart rate was under stress, fainted a few times, complained of blurred vision, fell a couple of times. They are asked if I would take her home because she is not getting better in the psychward.
Should I take her home, this seems borderline inhumane.
It's clear that the medical professionals don't know what to do with your mom and they are tired of her being their problem. So, once again, they are putting pressure on you to take her, which is absurd. If they can't handle her, how are you supposed to handle her? Ridiculous.
Please, for the sake of your sanity and your marriage, visit an elder care attorney and give up the POA. That will take you out of this horrendous situation.
I have an elder care lawyer in the county/state where my mom lives, and I got rid of the two POAs that I had for my mom - best decision I ever made.
My lawyer told me that it is very common for adult children to give up POA because they can't do it anymore. And very often the courts have hearings for state guardianship and adult children don't show up, and if they do show up they say they don't want guardianship.
NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU be the responsible party.
Your mom is mentally ill and beyond help. Your obligation is to yourself and your wife. Save yourself, please!
My heart goes out to you in this difficult and distressing situation. Hugs.
This can happen.
A solution or direction will be found. Maybe not a cure, but something acceptable.
If not, 2 choices remain open;
Option 1. Stay in hospital.
Her case then esculates within the hospital. Questions get asked from the top: why is this patient still here? What are we doing for them? What are the barriers to discharge?
More Senior Social Workers are called in or other managerial problem solver type people.
A solution is found.
Option 2. Home with family.
IF the family is willing to try & can accept any dangers or risk.
Go home & cope.
Or go home & not cope - the patient is readmited the next day. It starts again.
PS I'd choose option 1.
Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
You’re speaking from experience. I know that you felt helpless when you were trying to sort through things with your sister. People find themselves in all sorts of situations, don’t they? None of them are easy.
Give up that POA and let the state takeover.
Myself, I know I am neither a hospital or an aged care home, so my answer to providing that care myself, in my home would be no. With or without care staff to assist me. The burden would be too large for me to bear - financially, physically, emotionally.
I would be asking what are the alternative solutions for Mother's longer term treatment & housing?
I was told these rare cases are the most stressful to deal with cause their rights get in the way with what can realisticly be done. I am considering of making a petition to have myself removed as her PoA.
If I let her become a ward of a ward Of the State I doubt they would be as concerned as they are now.
I understand their wanting to be rid of her, but this won't work.
Your mother is sadly one of the rare ones who is going to have to be medicated to the point where she is more in a stupor than out of it. They have tried things and they haven't worked.
Anyone who thinks her going home is going to change a thing is smoking something illegal.
Since in Monday they were acting like this is the only viable option left.
This world can be a tough place for the mentally ill although sometimes I think they weather their condition easier than those who love them. I am sorry you both are so stressed.
It may be that more time is needed. It is working in that you are not the one on one. That part is working. She is fine when she has someone with her. It doesn’t have to be you. That is an improvement right? Before you felt it had to be you if I am remembering this correctly.
They may not be the right place but they have the resources, you do not. They have the ability to search for the right place. They know what has worked best of the things tried. Encourage them to keep working on it. Let them see that you are not their way out. They must focus on the patient. If you bring her home, you are giving up. You must work just as hard as she is. You must work on letting her go in hopes she will find some relief or that her dementia will progress and she will progress beyond this extreme agitation. Remember that what you were doing was not working. They have only tried a few weeks.
Maybe they are trying to guilt trip me, but they seem genuinely concerned about her wellbeing, leaving her a constant state of duress is taking a toll on me. I also understand I cannot afford to provide what would benefit her.
When I asked them what I should do, they explained medication is not a magical bullet some people respond others don't. It is all about benefits and drawbacks. The side effects she is experiencing hinder her QoL especially when a alternative means exists which is have someone around her.
I told them that is not always possible, but the doctors told me her low dosages are not doing anything and higher dosages are not tolerated well what exactly do I want them to do.
Idk