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My Mother is in mid stage dementia and COPD, she is 80 years old. She has given up on everything. She wants me to leave her alone to "die in peace". She has been living with us for the last 4 years and I am exhausted.


I find myself getting frustrated and angry with her because she sits and watches TV or plays on her computer. I can not get her to go anywhere and she will not let people visit her because she is embarrassed by her condition. Watching her this way is breaking my heart, but also makes me angry.


I do not know what to do or say, everything I do is wrong and she says I am too pushy. Please help.

Thank you; everyone has been very helpful and kind, I appreciate all the warm thoughts and will help my Mother and myself just try and spend time enjoying the time we have.
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Reply to teparke1
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It's ok to respect mom's decision, but I would first change your approach to how you spend time with her. I mean, forget about medical stuff & just do things with her that she likes. (That way, you're not "pushy", & you're also creating good memories for yourself to cherish). I found that my own fears do destroy my ability to be kind to my mother, cuz it becomes a big "to do list" & I don't want to let her down. (Today I had the first 'good visit' that I've had with her in over a year, cuz it felt like I had 'let go' of the rushing around & constant thinking about the whole deal). I hope this is helpful, & saves you from wasting as much time as I did, being crazed.
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Reply to Tiger55
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I'm sorry you're having to live through this. Losing a loved one is horrible and hearing them say they want to leave you is even worse. I suppose in her situation I would feel the same way she does. I would probably want to be allowed to die rather than live with dementia eating away at my brain bit by bit, stealing my identity etc. I'm certain she's depressed, I mean who wouldn't be? A doctor might be able to prescribe something to make her mood improve. Counseling of some kind might also help. But, I have had many many senior adults 80+ who are living a nightmare on earth in a body they can't control, tell me that they are ready to die and hope death comes quickly. I understand your pain and I also understand hers.
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Reply to faeriefiles
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I'm sorry you're having to live through this. Losing a loved one is horrible and hearing them say they want to leave you is even worse. I suppose in her situation I would feel the same way she does. I would probably want to be allowed to die rather than live with dementia eating away at my brain bit by bit, stealing my identity etc. I'm certain she's depressed, I mean who wouldn't be? A doctor might be able to prescribe something to make her mood improve. Counseling of some kind might also help. But, I have had many many senior adults 80+ who are living a nightmare on earth in a body they can't control, tell me that they are ready to die and hope death comes quickly. I understand your pain and I also understand hers.
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Reply to faeriefiles
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Has your Mom be evaluated by her doctor for depression? From what you describe...sounds like she may have depression and perhaps medication can help her (and you!) feel better.
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Reply to Monica19815
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Hi! I can see that this is a very frustrating situation for you, and I hope that you get some suggestions you can use about how to get things better with your mother. However it may help you to accept that perhaps this is what she wants to do, and that she really does not want to prolong her life. Difficult though that is to accept, it may be easier for both of you if you don’t try to push her to do what you think is best for her, but she doesn’t agree.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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