I always ask but I have to be with another family member to see her or take her anywhere. I have medical POA. What is my next step to go see or spend time with her?
So... your sister is happy to allow you to see and even to take your mother out of the house on short trips but only on condition that you are accompanied by another family member, is that right? What other family members are on her "approved" list?
What is your sister concerned might happen if your mother were left alone in your charge? Is there some history behind this?
Of course we can't possibly know, but it *sounds* as though there is some disagreement between you and your sister about where it's best for your mother to be living, and your sister is anxious that you might take your mother away from your sister's home and place her elsewhere. Would your sister have any reason to be worried about that?
As your mother gave you medical POA, you are technically responsible for decisions about where she lives and what care she receives; but your priority is to make those decisions strictly in your mother's best interests, and regardless of any personal feelings between you and your sister for example.
There clearly has been some conflict in the past. If you feel like sharing more about what's happened, perhaps we can help resolve it.
What is your relationship with your sister? Can you meet with her privately without mom present to discuss this?
What other people are accompanying you? Where are you taking mom when you take her out? The doctor appointments, since you have medical power of attorney? Do you get to spend any other time with her such as a nice lunch or dinner?
What is your relationship with your mom? Does your presence upset her in any way? Is your sister trying to protect your mom for some reason?
I am not accusing you of anything. I don’t understand your situation. If you give more details it would help us to answer your question better.
Why is she living with your sister and you have medical power of attorney? Who takes her to her doctor appointments? Seems like an unusual situation to me if she is with your sister daily it seems like she takes care of all of her needs.
I hope your situation will be able to be peacefully resolved. Best of luck to you and your family.
Has it been ordered by a court that you must have another person there when you visit? If so, then your next step would be to petition the court to revisit the decision. But, if there were allegations of abuse or other wrongdoings against you, don’t expect things to go in your favor. If this was a decision made by your sister, then you may need to hire an attorney to change your sister’s mind about allowing visits.
I think if the Mom is living with the sister that the sister need not let anyone in her house without another person accompanying if there has been some dissention. Such a sad situation when these sibling wars happen around an elder I think; one of the saddest things on the forum.
This seems one of those questions in which we may be missing some crucial history. I would myself simply obey the wishes of mother to see her only with other family member present. I have to assume that this did not simply come out of the blue? If it did it seems an odd request, but it's HER request, so I would simply honor it. You will still be able to do your Medical POA work, since most of this occurs when a patient cannot make his or her own decisions and you would step in to make them for her with a doctor's guidance. Use your visiting time (with another family member present) to be certain that you understand your Mom's wishes moving forward for her care. If your mother has dementia, this may be something that has just "got into her head" for now, and may leave her head as quickly. Point is, whatever it is, you do state that it is your Mom's wish.
UNLESS I misread, as so often I do. Are you saying it is the wish of your sister? Because if that is the case we just entered again the Twilight Zone of sibling warfare, about which almost nothing whatsoever can be done, and with your poor Mom in the middle of it all. If this latter is the case, and the sister is the Lioness at the Gate, then I would obey her rules for her own household over which she holds all rights. And of course, when and if Mom is in care at hospital or otherwise, Sister's rules would not pertain. If you are in the "Twilight Zone" of sibling angst do please do all you can to prevent your mother pain caused by it. As Sister is caring for Mom, and if Sister knows Mom's wishes for her future care and such ongoing, you may want to consider resigning your POA if SISTER is named as a "second". I wish you luck. The end is always so torturous, but made so much more so when there is family war going on. It can be easier to be angry than in pain in these traumatic times. I am wishing peace to you all.
What is your sister concerned might happen if your mother were left alone in your charge? Is there some history behind this?
Of course we can't possibly know, but it *sounds* as though there is some disagreement between you and your sister about where it's best for your mother to be living, and your sister is anxious that you might take your mother away from your sister's home and place her elsewhere. Would your sister have any reason to be worried about that?
As your mother gave you medical POA, you are technically responsible for decisions about where she lives and what care she receives; but your priority is to make those decisions strictly in your mother's best interests, and regardless of any personal feelings between you and your sister for example.
There clearly has been some conflict in the past. If you feel like sharing more about what's happened, perhaps we can help resolve it.
What other people are accompanying you? Where are you taking mom when you take her out? The doctor appointments, since you have medical power of attorney? Do you get to spend any other time with her such as a nice lunch or dinner?
What is your relationship with your mom? Does your presence upset her in any way? Is your sister trying to protect your mom for some reason?
I am not accusing you of anything. I don’t understand your situation. If you give more details it would help us to answer your question better.
Why is she living with your sister and you have medical power of attorney? Who takes her to her doctor appointments? Seems like an unusual situation to me if she is with your sister daily it seems like she takes care of all of her needs.
I hope your situation will be able to be peacefully resolved. Best of luck to you and your family.
I would myself simply obey the wishes of mother to see her only with other family member present. I have to assume that this did not simply come out of the blue? If it did it seems an odd request, but it's HER request, so I would simply honor it.
You will still be able to do your Medical POA work, since most of this occurs when a patient cannot make his or her own decisions and you would step in to make them for her with a doctor's guidance.
Use your visiting time (with another family member present) to be certain that you understand your Mom's wishes moving forward for her care.
If your mother has dementia, this may be something that has just "got into her head" for now, and may leave her head as quickly. Point is, whatever it is, you do state that it is your Mom's wish.
UNLESS I misread, as so often I do.
Are you saying it is the wish of your sister?
Because if that is the case we just entered again the Twilight Zone of sibling warfare, about which almost nothing whatsoever can be done, and with your poor Mom in the middle of it all.
If this latter is the case, and the sister is the Lioness at the Gate, then I would obey her rules for her own household over which she holds all rights. And of course, when and if Mom is in care at hospital or otherwise, Sister's rules would not pertain.
If you are in the "Twilight Zone" of sibling angst do please do all you can to prevent your mother pain caused by it.
As Sister is caring for Mom, and if Sister knows Mom's wishes for her future care and such ongoing, you may want to consider resigning your POA if SISTER is named as a "second".
I wish you luck. The end is always so torturous, but made so much more so when there is family war going on. It can be easier to be angry than in pain in these traumatic times. I am wishing peace to you all.