Follow
Share

My father suffered a stroke one year ago, he's paralyzed on one side and cannot speak. We (his daughters) have been part of his care team since he left the hospital. My mother has refused physio and speech therapy for him and now has moved eight hours away from family. She is now isolating us from video chat (he can't speak so we communicate visually), and we are very concerned for his well being. We are contemplating legal action, not sure if we even have any rights as daughters...
Has anybody had to go through this nightmare before?

Just drive there one weekend without her knowing and check out the situation. Stay at a hotel for 3 or 4 days. Just do it.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Tessabella66
Report

You could contact the local police for a welfare check to see if they can see what's going on. Of course, your mom needs to allow them to come into the house, but if she doesn't you could assume something is very wrong and contact Adult Protection Services.

Is your mom afraid you'll put him in a nursing home? Does she have dementia? Her refusal to allow him any therapy says volumes about her competence to care for him.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to MJ1929
Report
Snowcat60 Jan 29, 2021
Adult protection services are useless if she is competent. We’re going thru this with out father. The step mother will not allow us in to see him or take any phone calls. They said if she is mentally fit their hands are tied?
We suspect abuse, yet no one will cross the line to get in to see what’s going on. The police will not even touch this situation.
‘Found out Dad fell yet again and was in the hospital from their neighbor, the step mother lied to the hospital intake workers and said he had no children?
So, when we showed up we were not allowed to see him.
So, what do you do?
(4)
Report
Just looked up the law. We need this passed in more States. It protects family members from Guardians that take their responsibility too far and don't allow family members to know what is going on with their LO.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Sarah3 Jan 29, 2021
Could you specify what the “it” is? you wrote “just looked up the law. We need this passed in more states. It protects family members from guardians who take their responsibility.....
(4)
Report
See 3 more replies
I am so sorry that your mom refused therapy after his stroke.

My father had a stroke. My mom would have never refused any therapy for my dad.

Therapy is an essential part of treatment for stroke patients. I would be so upset if my mom did that.

When did you find out that she intervened in this way? It’s so sad. Did your dad ask her to refuse his therapy?

Why would she isolate him from his family? Were you close or distant with your family before this incident? It seems so puzzling to me.

What is going on with your mom? Is there a reason that she would act in this manner? Is she suffering from any form of cognitive decline?

My father went to a rehab facility after his stroke but after time was up in rehab, I continued to take him to speech therapy every week.

My mother couldn’t drive due to her Parkinson’s disease so I drove him. Even with therapy, my father struggled with verbally communicating.

I can tell you that my father was embarrassed that he mixed up words.

Once he even called himself stupid. It broke my heart. Of course.

I told him that none of it, was his fault, that he worked hard in therapy and was doing his very best.

I can’t help but wonder why she would deny him treatment that was needed and it would raise questions in my mind about all of her motives.

Did he at least have the benefit of home health? When needed, my mom and dad participated in home health programs where therapists treat the patients in their homes.

Of course, I don’t know your mom so I can’t connect any dots but she certainly screwed this situation up.

Has she ever stood in the way of other things before? How awful for your father and the rest of your family.

I suppose that you could start with a welfare check. Do you have permission to speak with his doctors about this situation?

Again, this is unfortunate and I am so sorry that it occurred. Your dad and your family deserved better.

Keep us posted. We care.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
Report

Is your Mother competent?
Has there been disagreement in the family about treatment plan going forward?
Does your Mother wish to have hospice now rather than treatment?
If your Mother is POA for your Dad, and competent, she has pretty much become the Lioness at the Gate. Bothering her is going to get you shut out. Supporting her in every way may get you some time with your Dad in his end of life care.
I am no privy to your Mom's "side" of all this, but if she is in charge, that doesn't really matter.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
Sarah3 Jan 29, 2021
I agree - I don’t like the idea to move with him 8 hours away, but people do this all the time unfortunately,.... it’s not a crime. Sure driving 8 hours is a pain, but it’s not that big a feat —it’s not as if they moved across the country.
it’s half a days drive, leave in the am, arrive by afternoon.
rather than taking the most extreme step first ( with all the drama and stress that brings- to their dad included, by the way- op should go try and see him.
could she decline their visit? Possibly- possibly not.
Won’t know til they try though. I also agree the wife may have reasons for moving- has their been discord or disagreement about her husbands care
that could have caused her to desire some distance.
being supportive to her is something that also would support their dad in turn and hopefully create at least a bit more openness to visits and communication.
(0)
Report
If you live in New York, you might have a case. Look up "Peter Faulk's Law" .
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Blue24
Report
worriedinCali Jan 25, 2021
The OPs location is noted on her profile, she’s nowhere near NY
(0)
Report
Unfortunately, physical therapy is most effective immediately after a stroke, before muscles get a chance to deteriorate. My aunt had a stroke 11 years ago, and whined about how hard the PT was so much and so loudly that her kids tiptoed around her, and she never regained full mobility. But she can talk. Call Adult Protective Services. She's basically holding him hostage. I don't know if it's legal in your state, but surely denying someone medical care and the means to communicate is actionable. Physical therapy is widely accepted as necessary treatment.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to SFdaughter
Report

Is mom competent? It seems odd someone would refuse rehab efforts and move 8 hrs away. How did she manage a move 8 hrs away on her own? Why would she have moved so far away from all of you? Disagreements, to be closer to a friend, other family, etc? Is it possible she is in a relationship with someone else (and chose to keep dad's income with her while she persues that relationship?)

It is very possible that you could get visitation via legal action. Talk to an attorney to figure out what steps to take. If mom is acting erratic, it's possible to get things put in place to determine what's going on the household, be able to visit and observe the care, etc.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to my2cents
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Jan 29, 2021
We have a similar feelings.

There are questions that need answering.

I didn’t think of your particular questions. Anything is possible.

There is more to this story. Without knowing more, we can’t possibly connect the dots.

I feel sorry for the dad and the children. It’s sad.
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
Imho, you may need to seek the counsel of an elder law attorney. Prayers sent.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

Tell your mom that you will be seeking legal advice if she doesn't let ya'll talk to your Dad.

Even tho he can't talk, he may can write or type answers.

You need to go visit him and find out if he is doing ok and if he wants to continue living with your mom.

You should deffiently call Adult Protective Services and have them go do a well check on your Dad.

Your Dad's Insurance would cover therapy at home and he should be getting g it unless he doesn't want to.

Also, Why do you think they moved 8 hrs away?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to bevthegreat
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter