My mother is in an assisted living facility near my home. Several people have suggested that I make prearrangements for her funeral. I have read pros and cons about this. Does anyone have any experience with this? - AgingCare.com

My mother is in an assisted living facility near my home. Several people have suggested that I make prearrangements for her funeral. I have read pros and cons about this. Does anyone have any experience with this?

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She is to be cremated. I have already prepaid for a nitch for her on the advise of others . I realize that this prepayment avoids paying higher rates later on but I have difficulty coming to terms with making funeral and cremation arrangements as she could live for many years with good care. Does anyone have any experience with this?

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In order to spend down for Medicaid, I did a Pre arrangement and followed my Parents wishes to be cremated. My Dad passed in Fed and the Pre arrangement worked as promised! The emotions at the time could have put me over the edge had I not prepared us before the time of need. It was one of the best decisions I could make to secure my Parents final wishes and to help me as I am now the only child. As terrim posted...I had to do EVERYTHING, claim my Dads body, tell my Dementia affected Mom, notify family and friends, prepare Memorial service etc. Save yourself as much as you can NOW. Just be certain that you purchase a non-refundable, no cash value arrangement. Now for my Mom, I've even gone as far as to pre purchase a matching Urn. I never thought I would be able to talk about this so freely but it has put me and my Parents in a better place. If something were to happen to me before them...at the very least their final arrangements are taken care of. Best wishes to you.
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I am all for pre-planning and pre-paying! Yes, it does require thinking ahead when your mom will hopefully live for many more years but think of it like you would retirement planning or planning for future college attendance. When her death comes, do you really want to-in the throes of deep grief- have to go around trying to choose companies and make arrangements? Once you have prepaid and preplanned, it is done. When she dies- and I hope you have many more years with her- you will be able to grieve and not have all of this business and decision making to do.

When my dad died, it was a nightmare. I was much younger and had been caring for him (congestive heart failure and cancer) and he just suddenly dropped dead at 1:37 on a monday morning when he was to go see the doctor that day. My mother fell to pieces and I had to choose a funeral home out of the phone book in the middle of the night that turned out to have a creepy owner who made fun of the dead people including my dad. We did not own a funeral plot. I had to go with no sleep after finding Daddy dead and look at caskets, vaults, liners, etc and go order flowers and arrange for music as well as get a funeral plot bought and paid for and arrange grave diggers, etc. I also had to notify people, care for my devastated mother, etc. It was a nightmare! I don't wish that on anyone. Also, this funeral director wanted $7,000 upfront. I had to battle him and then battle the insurance company who did not want to guarantee the money since it turned out the insurance agent had sold the policy but never turned it in to the company and was collecting the premiums in person each month and so there was NO life insurance coverage. I had to take them to court and it was 3 years and a trip to federal court in the end for insurance fraud before I could get the money back. If I could have known about pre-planning and pre-paying then, I would have done it in a heartbeat when I was not in grief and when I could take my time and make careful and thoughtful choices.
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My mother and I did her pre arrangements about 9 years ago at the advise of an attorney. Doing this is part the spend down process concerning Medicaid. Now, with my mother's dementia in full force and having no assets except her monthly retirement check, I am comforted knowing the arrangements are made and PAID FOR! If you do not have $8 - 12,000 laying around to pay for your mother's funeral, I suggest you use her money to prepay the funeral expenses. The prepaid funeral expense is protected from medicaid if done properly.
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im still having trouble with funeral directors attitudes. i think they are sharks generally and getting a straight answer out of them is near impossible. you can prepay if you want but in the end they will juggle the different fees to the max allowed by law. they want to rush out here and get a personal check with little to no regard for the elders current mindset. they have one upped ambulance chasing attorneys imo..
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My dad purchased a pre-paid funeral arrangement and it was the best thing he could have done for himself and the family. Although the funeral home had changed owners the contract was still honored. There were a couple of things that had to be upgraded to current costs but they were minor and we were able to concentrate on the service itself as everything else was covered. We will be purchasing the same for my mom. I only wish they would have done it at the same time. From my experience with my dad, I highly recommend it.
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10 years ago my mom did this for my uncle who at the time was in a nursing home. He had the money so before his money ran out and he went on public aid my mom had to go before a judge and get approval for her to pre pay for his funeral arrangements. Had she not done this there would have been no money for a funeral as he had no life insurance policy. This all worked out very well. Also my MIL has taken care of all of her arrangements and I am trying to get my parents to take care of theirs. It really does take the burden off of you just knowing that this part of death has been taken care of so to speak. This is just my opinion, but i think it is a good thing to do.
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I understand the issue about the monetary side of the pre-arrangement, but what about the actual details of the funeral service? I think the hardest thing for me as I have arranged two funerals is picking out hymns, people to speak , etc. I know it might be lacking in tact to ask directly, but it might help you if you start listening and making notes when you hear something appropriate. It is so hard to think when we are numb. Best wishes!
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My Sister purchased a prepaid funeral for my Mom and Dad. The payment was put into a sort of trust in case the funeral home went out of business. The way I understand this is that if you prepay for a funeral, it lowers the money you have that medicare would take away. I think it was a great idea. We are probably going to spend all of our money paying for the Assisted Living facility, so at least this way, we will have less stress and problems when God does call them.
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I am a firm believer in pre-paying for funeral expenses. My son and I made the arrangements, my mom's money has now run out, and I would not have the funds to pay when she does pass. I have no worries, though, when the time comes. It's a very stressful time anyway, so I encourage you to finalize now.
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NEVER pay a funeral home their outrageous prices for a casket. by law any funeral home must honor your chouce in buying a casket elsewhere. I don't agree with pre-paying for a funeral. The only thing that should be paid for in advance is a burial plot. If you have the funeral at the elder's church, there are no costs. The only thing you pay the funeral director is for preparation of the body and then transportation of the body to the church and then to the cemetery. These maggots prey on the emotionally hurting and will drain your bank account if you allow them to. What really urks me is they do it with such "compassion" in their voices.
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