My mother uses the house as a open toilet! What do I do?

I've not had to deal with this (thankfully) but I would take her to the bathroom every hour or two and have her sit there till she goes. Most people are pretty regular about when they go, so figuring out her schedule may help. Would a portable commode next to her chair help? (though it sounds like she's quite mobile) Can you talk to her about it, hide around the corner and catch her at it so she has to explain? Wishing you the best!

Yellowfeever, I have had no experience with this so can only imagine how upsetting this must be for you. I am sure there are caregivers who will be able to give you suggestions and I look forward to reading these suggestions. I sincerely hope there are things that CAN be done; otherwise I doubt that you will be able to deal with this problem much longer. You deserve a big hug so I am going to send you one.

Are you sure she is doing it on purpose?With dementia,personal hygiene can go out the window.Does she Actually live with you? If she is doing it on purpose,which seems odd.you need to tell her if it continues,she will have to go into a home,it's not right that you have to put up with it.
I think you need to discuss it with your husband too! he realy should know,and is this in your home?
But you shoulden't have to put up with it.

New surgical techniques are helping many people who have long term problems. Whether it is appropriate for someone with Alzheimer's disease or other types of dementia has to be medically assessed and involve caregivers too. Surgical procedures include: The artificial bowel sphincter, where a circular cuff is implanted around the anal canal and inflated to maintain sphincter closure. Sacral nerve stimulation using an electrode implanted into the sacral foramen and connected to a battery to provide continuous low level stimulation. This results in altering rectal and sphincter motor function.

Dosen't sound as if this is a medical problem,it sounds like a confusion or mental problem,ie,dementia.
She seems aware she is doing it,and laughs?
So it's not as though she dosen't know she is doing it?
But i'm not a Doctor!

I take care of my mother plus I have been a CNA for years 1st If you can get extra help get it.
2nd if you can schedule times to change her every three to four hours or less even if she does not have to go.
If you can sit her on the potty try turning the faucet on and let the water run down the sink so she can hear it
this may help her go. 3rd if you can find a way to cover things that can't be replaced because accidents are
going to happen. On the part she knows what she is doing well take it from somebody who worked in Nursing
Homes for years she really doesn't know what she is doing it but it way seem that way. Good Luck!!!

I had a similar problem with my mom when she was in the latter stages of Alzheimer's. Initially she would make it to the bathroom and forget how to pull down her pants and sit on the toilet. She absolutely refused to wear depends so we let her wear sweatpants without any underpants.
This allowed my father (her primary caregiver) to get her on the toilet as fast as he realized she needed to go. Also it was easier to wash the sweatpants or even discard them because they were not expensive.
Your mother may be squatting anywhere in the house because in her mind she is an infant and that was what she did before she was potty trained. If this is the case, you will have to try to modify this behavior in the same way you would do potty training for a toddler. Take her to the bathroom every half hour and get her to pull down her pants and sit on the toilet for at least 5 minutes. Sometimes she will go. Praise and reward her with a hug when she does. When she does not go, let her get off, pull up her pants and go back to what she was doing before. Keep this up all day for a couple of days until she starts to go on her own. But do not get angry with her when she reverts back. Just start the reinforcement again--always with loving kindness.

During my time as a hospice nurse, I had a patient that did this. We tried to be creative by dressing her in a one piece bathing suit under her clothes so that it was more difficult; dressing her in a one piece outfit (jumpsuit) with the zipper in the back, and of course, bathroom routine at least every hour. It is a very difficult issue to deal with. Have patience and ask for help from family/friends so that you can get well needed breaks. Dementia is a very difficult disease for families and it might reach a point where you cannot physically or emotionally care for her. Speak with your physician about hospice or call your local hospice for more information. The knowledge and support they can provide to your mom and you is amazing. You are not alone. Best of luck to you

Thanks to all for your information, I have 2 beside side commodes one in her room and the other in the living room. I have covered most of the floor in her room and areas in main living area with with those fabric bed pads to help catch her "accidents". but she spends most of the day picking them up off the floor and I spend most of my day laying them back down and chasing her, she is ALWAYS on the go. She only sleeps about 3 hours/nite and is awake for the other 21hrs a day and hardly sits still.(I wish I had that kind of energy however I am forced to pretend to have energy LOL)thank god that the our house has hardwood flooring so it makes cleaning easier. I know I should tell my husband but I am afraid he will feel that it should be time to check out homes for mom, I am one of those people that think I can do everything on my own. I have tried the reward method, she tell me shes no kid and not make a to make a fuss. I try to put her on the potty at least 1 time an hour. I try to feed her healthly meals on a set schedule to try to keep her regular,(but I can't get her regular). I used to be able to tell from her actions(like a toddler) when she had to go. Now, for the most part there is no warning. I know in my heart she doesn't know what she is doing, but my mind thinks the opposite. Since, I asked this question a few days ago, I am now trying something different, I bought those diapers with tabs. I put one of those on her with a depends over the top. I told her that these are special underpants that you can pee and poop in. I told her that I wear them too. She thinks its pretty neat so far. I did home health for years before I started taking care of her, so honestly I'd rather change a soiled diaper thru out the day then scrub her, floor and furniture all day. I don't want her to become dependant on the diaper, I still want her to go to the bathroom. Its right now just trial and error but it seems too be helping. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS

yellowfeever...I must tell you that some of the behaviors your mom is exhibiting seem too advanced for someone impacted by dementia. For example, her pulling up the bedpads seems more like she is acting out then that she is losing it. Perhaps she is testing you to see if your love for her still trumps your love for your husband. Her response to the diapers with tabs is especially interesting. If my observation about her testing you, I am betting she will start ripping off those diapers by the week-end. BTW-how does she react when your husband is home. Look for any differences. Most dementia and Alz patients are consistent in their behavior patterns because their loss of short term memory prevents them from controlling people and their environment to suit their preferences.

I hope your new solution to the problem continues to work, yellowfeever. Of course you would rather change a diaper than scrub down the house!! If your mom can make it to the bathroom in time or "does her job" during routine bathroom visits, then hallelujah, the diaper stays clean. But if the timing is off, the diaper is there to serve its purpose. I hope your mom doesn't learn how to undo it. If she does, then she will have to be clothed in items that can only be undone in the back (as one caregiver suggested). But to tell you the truth, if your mom is awake 21 hours out of 24 and hardly ever sits still, YOU need help of some sort. I don't see how you can continue to live the way you are doing now.

I'm very impressed and compassionate about everything you're going through. Still, if you're "the type who thinks you can do everything on your own" and you're hiding this from your husband, you are placing stress on your marriage, more than you know. In addition to the excellent problem-solving you're doing about the immediate problems with your mom.... Step back and look at your situation with fresh eyes. Big picture, what would you advise someone else doing what you're doing?

Yellowfever....welcome to Dementia/alheimer world ! This is NOT on purpose, please dont even think that !!!! I was told this would happen to my mom from a friend who lost her Mom to dementia/alz and I didnt believe her. She told me my Mom would begin to use my home as her personal toilet. Sure enough, it started happening. My Mom would get up, pull down her pants and pee all over her bedroom floor, I was shocked and devastated. I would try and hide to clean it and then realized she got right back into bed and never knew what she did. After a Long Time of aggravation and denial on my part, I came up with a solution. I sewed straps onto pajama bottoms that are like suspenders. I put them over a pj top, THEN put another PJ top over that. She could NO longer remove her clothes to pee or poop and by the time she tried to figure it all out, she had done it in her pants and then forgot about it. There is also "unstrippable" clothing you can buy on a site called Buck and Buck but my Mom was too large for their clothes, nice thou.
Email me any time, its ok, after about a year it will stop, my Mom just stopped doing it . You will be ok, they cannot get off clothes zipped up the back either.
Luvmom

Yelllowfever: I am glad to hear that you understand that a person with Alzheimer's is able to "appear" to be 'with it' one minute or vengeful another, but make no mistake, they are NOT responsible for their actions. Even if it appears as if they are doing things deliberately, they are not responsible for their actions.
ALWAYSLEARNING: you are so right about Yellofeever needing to speak to her husband. There is no reason for you to deal with this alone. We have 'partners' for a reason.

LUVMOM: you are very creative! That is what it takes to survive. Creativity! And Buck and Buck's clothing will help too.

Another possiblity though could be a UTI!! If the behavior is 'new' it could be because she has a UTI. (Urinary tract infection). Why not have a simple urine test done to rule it out.

So many good ideas here..... but we can easily forget, no pun intended, that with Alzheimer's ALL bets are off!!

God Bless

MiaMadre, thanks, and you are correct, good reminder. They do pee so much MORE when they have a UTI and are crazier and more confused than normal then too, good point! I nox ow keep my Mom on 1 amoxicillin daily as a preventative. I am about to post something on that now. Thanks
luvmom

One little quip about control...if they have NPD...Narcissitic Personality Disorder..in which they love to control people...this still carries on in their advanced stages..they still do test and control...it does not completely go away. Somethings that are imbedded in ones personality does not completely go away if it was a prominent feature in their life - as being a controling person..or control freak... not saying Yellow fever's mom is like that...just speaking from my own corner.

Yellow fever...I have read many instances here of other folks moms and dads doing the same thing...you are in good company..and have received many good ideas. How often are you around here to be able to catch her in the act and try to stop it when it happens. I agree with maintaining a routine and the praise idea as well. I have been handing my mom toliet paper when she goes to wipe because she was not wiping at all so that is okay when she goes pee but not poo, someone has to help wipe for that...either me or caregiver or the pullups get the brunt...and then have to change and clean up later. Can you have conversation with your mom, does she have any teensy bit of reasoning left or is it all gone?

UPDATE: I took mom to dr. other day, she doesn't have UTI. So, thats one less factor. So far, her "special" underpants I have made up seem to still be working, I know it won't last though, she'll figure out how to rip the tabs off. But for now its a break for me. thanks for your advice I have confided some in my husband whats going on(didn't go into great lengths). Of course he reacted as I thought. He thinks she needs to be placed. So, thats a whole other can of worms. Anyways, him and I did a sit down with mom. She always seems to listen to him more than me( my hubby has always reminded her of my father in physical and personality ways) She still has some understanding to things we she wants to listen too, so only time will tell.
PirateQueen mentioned about controling issues with mom. Well, to be frank mom made me and my siblings lives living hell growning up due to her controlling OCD issues(I also think mom had some schzinophrenic tendencies)She NEVER work outside the home. She spent everyday doing the same things over and over. Cleaning the house and never sitting still are some of my biggest memories of her as well as she view life in a dilusion instead of reality. She was the dicator not only to us kids but to my father. And I do still see some of that behavior in her.I wished she still wanted to clean. Instead after my father died about 6yrs ago she became a hoarder. Not to get off subject but does anyone know if her dementia now has anything to do with her undiagnosed mental illness she suffered with most of her life? She would never admit it. But everyone she ever associated with thru out her life knew she suffered mentally! Could her dementia be rooted by underlying condition? maybe I will post that as a question to see what I can find out?
One suggestion posted by some was about unstripable clothes. I am going to check into that!! Maybe I will break out my sewing machine. MOM might enjoy helping me make her a STRAIGHT JACKET JUMPSUIT!!!LOL
THANKS AGAIN TO ALL! GOD BLESS!!

I am glad you shared some of your concerns with your husband and it is great that he has some influence. There may soon come the time when you and your husband will have to decide where your mom will live. Don't lose your husband over this. Is there any particular reason WHY you do not want your mom to be placed in a longterm care facility, yellowfeever? Lack of funds? Feelings of guilt? Lack of trust in facilities? You mentioned that you have siblings. What is their thinking on placing Mom im a facility? You also mentioned that your mom never worked outside the home, had a very controlling nature, and did housework day in and day out. I am HAPPY to report to all people who DON'T find keeping a house spotless is the end-all and be-all of life that, in order to stave off the development of Alzheimer's, the following challenges are recommended: crossword puzzles, brainteasers, crafts such as woodworking and sewing (maybe sewing jumpsuit straitjackets, yellowfeever), hobbies such as gardening and building model airplanes, socializing (which is sort of what we do in this group), reading, learning a new language, taking a class, travelling to learn, learning to use a new "tool" of some sort, attending thought-provoking events, reversing how or in what order you do things. NOTE: NO where did it say concentrating on keeping a spotlessly clean house. Hooray!!! Average-clean is good enough! :-)

She's got Dementia and demented stuff happens.

My mom once dropped a deuce in a wastebasket at a friends house, I am not kidding, and I was horrified! I got everything all cleaned up and stayed closer to her after that and would put her on the pot if she started 'I have to go' behavior.

Good luck, this is the toughest thing you can do for anyone and you are an angel but this is TOUGH!

lovbob

I searched into this topic because we are trying to find an answer for my dad.

Let me start by saying that if she is up that many hours each day you either need in home help or to place her in a facility. My step mom was the 'can do anything' personality and was getting sick because of the schedule. I tried to help and we tried in home care, but he always wanted (trusted) her. She finally broke down. Don't get to that point as it makes it worse for everyone involved. My dad has been in a facility for a month and a half now and is doing so much better in every way. The lack of stress induced from the caregiver side and the limiting of the size of his world has caused him to relax and be so much happier and more content. The first couple of weeks were rough but now I go and take him places and we are back to the way things used to be. He is happy there but is having trouble finding the bathroom in his room.

He has been suffering with this for a few years. Started by using trash cans when he would be away from home, then in closets and trash cans at home. Putting up blue tape arrows to the bathroom helped find the bathroom.

I suggest the book 'A Dignified Life' it is a really good way to look at being a caregiver. You suggest that your mom might be doing this on purpose and thinking it is funny. I suggest that she knows that she needs to go, but can't 'connect' with where. I would guess that she knows what she did was improper and is trying to hide it, when caught laughing is from nervous embarrassment and inability to explain. The other replies are right, the previous person is still there and that explains some of the behavior, but the plotting and multi-step acting out is likely not possible. The want and urge for control likely is present and giving her things that she can be the dictator of would likely help. I think that the backwards jumpsuit or other restrictions would just make the lack of control feeling worse.

The OCD dementia link is very interesting as I can see that in many people that have walked this path. I will be interested in looking into this further.

We have never been a very touchy feely talky family, but I have found that looking into my dad's eyes while touching his hand, arm, shoulder, and telling him that he could trust me is the most soothing thing for him when he is upset and anxious.

Hope this helps, it is not easy.

Alzheimers is a difficult disease to deal with and I can completely understand your reaction, but it is in fact a NORMAL course of the disease. Although not every patient does this, but it is not uncommon. Frequent opportunities to toilet will help but not stop the behavior completely, especially in the middle of the night. In dementia wards to protect the patients dignity, they put them in one piece outfits that are secured in the back. This stops the behavior when visitors are present and when you see her start fumbling trying to get her outfit off, then you need to toilet her. You could also sew her shirt to her pants and put a zipper or buttons up the back of her shirt so she is unable to undo it herself, which is much cheaper than purchasing the outfits designed especially for this purpose. This may lead to more incontinence, but I think even that would be better than feces smeared all over your home, and will substantially cut down the smell. And no, she's not faking it. When the brain is affected by this disease, it is REALLY affected. Most behaviors are in complete opposition to the "mom" you knew and loved growing up. This is not on purpose or some sort of joke on her part, this is the disease eating away at her brain. If she were in her right mind, she would be appalled at her behavior I'm sure. But she literally cannot help it and has regressed to the mental capability of a small toddler. Hope that helps.
Gloria H. RN, MSN

Please help...my mother likes to save her used bed chucks and hides them so she can reuse them. When I tell her about the urine smell she get mad with me and accuse me of not wanting her in our home. She tells me all the time that she took care of me when I was a little baby and my biology left me with her.She lies alot and constantly tells me that she has all her 5 senses. She also accuses me of talking about her when I close my bedroom. I myself hardly ever talk on phones and donot like or entertain gossip. I'm always on the computer relaxing , playing games or surfing the internet.I'm a Minister and I love helping others. My mother challenges my spiritual walk with God and says that I need Jesus. I know to some of you this may seem petty but I'm torn apart that a woman who cared for me can be so angry in her heart. Please pray for us! She keeps saying that she's going find somewhere else to stay but no family members want her. She doesn't want to go into a nursing home facility. I love her but I'm angry because she doesn't appriciate my family kindness.

Your mother has a disease and she cannot help it. She is fooling you that she is ok because in her mind she feels she is. Get some pretty Depends "Underwear Style" ones right next to the regular depends and talk to her. Dont be mad at her, she cannot help it, poor thing . Oh man I hope I dont get this horrible disease. I went thru this with my Mom also and has to use unstrippable clothing on her. She will accuse you of stealing, etc..... also. Take care and take pity on her ok, it wont last?

JLEWI910, Luvmom has hit the bullseye with her answer. Your mother cannot help her behavior. She did not ask for dementia. She is not lying -- she is speaking about her own reality, which does not match the external reality. It is good that you love helping others -- you are going to need to use all your talents along those lines. I suggest the best place to start is to read about your mother's disease, what you can expect, and some tips about how best to help someone with the disease. Do not take her behavior personally. She really can't help it.

I don't have an answer; I'm looking for one. I hpe all is well with you; my life is a mess. It is quite hard to live and deal with this desease.

My mother had it, but this is a new scale for me. I am getting losy and need help.

The dementia is going bad. I have delt with this in the past. Talking anf putting up 2 portable toilets is not the answer. Thet are set in their own minds. It does not matter if they go or do not go to the toilet. They will get upset and angry with you.


I know I have been there, and am living this now.
Es

This is an old question I see, wonder how she is now? My Mom went thru this about 3 years ago and I had to have her wear clothes she couldnt get off. I used suspenders to hold up her pj bottoms and then cover her top shirt with a 2nd one.But the time she struggled with it unable to get it off, she wet her depends and then forgot about it. IF that doesnt work buy the unstrippable clothing and pajamas that zip up the back. You can order from buck&buck online, etc. Good luck if you still need it.

I am going thru the same with my fATHER IN LAW HE PULLS THE BECD COVER UP HE POOPS AND SMEARS IT ON THE WALL HE PEES EVERY WHERE IN HIS ROOM HE HAS A CAMODE BY HIS BED HE HAS DEPENDS HE IS TAKEN TO THE RESTROOM EVERY TWO HOURS NOT ONLY DOES HE DO THIS HE SAYS IT WAS THE OTHER GUY I CLEAN HIM UP CLEAN HIS ROOM CLEAN HIS BED ITS LIKE A CLEAN LITTERBOX DOES IT AS SOON AS WE TURN IN FOR A FEW HOURS HE KNOWS HE IS DOING IT AND HE KNOWS HE LIKES TO WATCH US CLEAN HIS POOP UP SO I IN RETURN MADE HIM CLEAN IT UP ALMOST LIKE BOOT CAMP ILL BE DAM IF I OPEN MY HOME AND CARE TO BE SHIT ON HE CLEANS IT UP A FEW TIMES HE HASNT DONE IT AS OFTEN ITS GETTING BETTER BUT ITS THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM

tonyagur, why is your father-in-law in your home?

my husbands father he has damentia and he has no other other means of caring for himself so my husband and took on the responsabilty of caring for his dad his wife divorced him he was a bad acholalic in which turned to damentia