We have failed twice before having my 94 Y.O. mother live with us. Bickering and fighting reached a point where I had to get her out or lose my marriage. Her AL move was traumatic but it worked out. Then her AL facility closed. We had to move her to the last AL open in our area. They are private pay only. Once again, she will have to move. Most likely in December. The only two choices are nursing homes.
My difficulty is we still have the same house and could move her here. She no longer walks, is forgetful, self centered and demanding. She has IBS and occasionally needs a full diaper clean-up. She will not bathe in a shower instead washing in the sink. Additionally, she is perpetually cold needing the temperature set around 80 to be comfortable. I think taking her on would be 24 x 7, and likely result in serious difficulty in my marriage.
Am I a bad son if I don't want to do this? Should I feel guilty about applying for Medicaid to place her in a nursing facility? Do her handicaps even qualify her for nursing care? Should I expect the State to do this for me even though I am capable but older (72)? This has really got me.
I need your help.