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my father passed away in 2017, i helped my mother move out of state. She met an Immigrant Romanian man at her complex. Then my husband passed away in 2018. That is when I could tell my mother was changing. This man was always around, she would tell me she is busy she is going to his family's house...etc....Now I found out today that she is in the hospital. He tells me that she doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't want me around.



There is more to the story, but these are the basics.



I don't know what to do...I don't even know what topic to choose below, so i picked elder abuse. This man is about 10 years younger than my mother, he lives in same complex, but he is controlling and manipulative...



Please help me.

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Go to the police station and explain the situation to start. They can do a background check.

call the hospitals and ask if their is a patient by moms name. Once you find where she is contact the patient advocacy office. Explain the situation and then contact the hospital social worker
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JoAnn29 Nov 2022
Hospitals will not tell you if a person is there. Its a HIPPA thing. You have to act like you know the person is there.
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It might be worthwhile to do an online background check on him. Been verified.Com or truthfinders.Com are two that come to mind. Costs a little but not much and is fast. He may have arrest records you should know about. I’ve been watching “I Am A Stalker” on Netflix. It always starts with a few small things…..
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Of course, ask him first what hospital she is in. If he is not forthcoming, then call around, starting with the closest one near where she lives. Do not askthe Hospital if she is there, because of HIPPA they may not be able to give out that info. Just ask if you can be transferred to Mrs, Jones room. If they say no Mrs. Jones here, call the next hospital.

I would not tell him you need to hear from her own mouth she does not want to talk to you. I would call her or go there personally and let her tell me.

Once you find where she is, contact the DON and tell her that you are her daughter. If u have POA tell the DON (Director of Nursing). If Mom does tell you she does not want to speak to you, relay this to the DON. Explain that you really do not know her friend well, but you feel he influences your Moms decisions. That he is not her husband or a child. This at least will put him on the DONs radar. She will be more likely to note anything going on between him and Mom. Like, Mom allows him to do most of the talking. Allowing him to make decisions for her. Her seeming to be a little afraid of him.

How old is your Mom?
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Jane7686 Nov 2022
Agreed. The pushier you are with this guy, the more he will push back. If he doesn't answer willingly, it's best to let him think he's got the upper hand and just find out what you need to on your own.
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Could be elder abuse, so you might want to check on that.
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You are her legal next of kin. He doesn't get to tell you squat.

Call the hospitals and go see her.

You have to see her without his knowledge, because she might be scared of him and she won't say anything if he's around.

Get on the phone now and locate her.
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Demand to know which hospital your mother is in and tell this man you want to hear from HER mouth that she 'doesn't want you around' and 'doesn't want to talk to you.' You are not going to take his word about your own mother, as this whole story sounds bogus! Find out where she is and go see her immediately. You don't mention if mom suffers from dementia, your profile is blank. Why is she hospitalized? Do you have POA for her (I hope)? How long has it been since you've seen your mother?

If you can't get any info from Don Juan, call the local hospitals and find out where she is, and then go see her yourself.

That's the first step, I think.......to find your mom & pay her a visit. See for yourself what's going on with her health & whether or not she wants you in her life. Go from there. If she tells you that Don Juan is manipulating her, you can always get a restraining order against him IF she is willing to go that route. If she's under his spell, however, you'll have to accept that's her decision as well. UNLESS she's suffering from dementia and incompetent to make her own decisions. Then that's a horse of another color entirely.

Best of luck.
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