My mother is becoming physically abusive with family members.

A friend of mine got into this situation. He called his violent dad’s doctor. The doctor said there are only two options: (1) medicine, (2) facility. The medicine worked and the violent dad calmed down. The violent incident never happened again.

Try calling your mom’s doctor. Ask for help, what to do.

If you really want her out of the house, you can call an ambulance. They can force her to go to the hospital because she’s a danger to others.

Thank you all for the advice. Sorry it took so long to get back here to update. I went to her physician, and he didn't have time to talk to me about it but told his secretary to tell me that the ER is the only option. I went to the police station, and they told me the same thing. I went to the ER to see what the procedure was and then I went home got my mom, told her she had a doctor's appointment and she's been at the hospital ever since. They are looking for a facility to take her. They will keep her until they find one, then transport her by ambulance to the facility. The social worker has also set me up with someone to file her Medicaid paperwork. It's still stressful. I haven't completely decompressed from the whole thing yet. I don't think I will until she is in a permanent place forever. Thank you all again. I truly appreciate it.

She might need a psychiatric facility first before any SNF will take her. If she is combative do call 911 without telling her and let police know that this is dementia related. Disreguard what she says about you hitting...you call first. Request the Baker Act ( look it up in your state) she will not be able to refuse transport to the ED. This is for psychiatric evaluation and treatment. You can also speed the process up while the Medicaid application processes. When you get the call for discharge, you say that unless she us on medications and that they are working, this is an unsafe discharge. This puts the obligation for the hospital to first find a psych facility until she is calm enough for a SNF. The pending Medicaid should cover the days as pending.

Also, very important, hide any guns and sharp knives

Call the police and an ambulance. Tell them she has dementia and to take her to the ER. It's time for memory care placement.

You follow. When she is there ask them for a 'Social Admit' because she is violent and aggressive and cannot be looked after at home. Then refuse to allow her back. They will find a facility for her who can meet her needs.
When there's aggression and they start getting physical, it's time for placement.

Call emergency 911 next time this happens. This will get her transported to hospital. She needs a full check up. There could be a UTI or your Mom may need full assessment neuro-psyc. At that time contact Social Services right away and get assistance with placement. Tell them that she cannot return home where the family is in danger from her.

DD, I would highly recommend that you go to the police department and file something about her behavior and her threats to play victim only protecting herself, justifying her physical violence. Show them the video and ask for their help. This way there is a record that can help protect you and your family from her accusations.

Then, next time she hurts anyone or anything in your home, you call 911 and get her the help she needs and potentially get her out of your home, if that's what you want.

You call 911 and have her taken to the hospital. They admit her and you tell social services that she cannot return to your home.

Maybe , MAYBE if this is a UTI and the aggression clears when the infection does she can be managed at home. I'm not sure I would chance her hurting my kid or my dog with a knife, say

So sorry mom has become violent. That is not OK. She needs to get evaluated ASAP. None of you are safe in your own home at the moment. Call her doctor this morning and see if they want to see her or if you should get her to the ER. She could have a UTI? Or could need some anti-anxiety meds to calm her down. Either way she needs professional medical assistance today. Even if she's calmer this morning, she needs a UTI test to at least rule that out. And if this happened in the later afternoon/evening, it could be related to sundowning.

Per your profile I would like to say WOW I can't believe you have 2 dementia parents in your home! That's a LOT! I hope you are getting some help to care for them because you are going to burn out any minute, if you're not already there. This is toooo much. Any help you do get needs to be paid by your mom and/or FIL. Not you.

Best of luck and please let us know how this unfolds.

Hey, DD. Hope some of the answers here looked helpful. What a sad and distressing situation. Keep us updated!

Have you talked to her doctor about the violent outbursts?
She can be medicated to reduce the agitation and anxiety.
And NO facility will take her if she has had violent outbursts. (Typically a 90 day time frame must pass with no violent outburst for a facility to accept a resident) Given that I would get the outbursts under control as soon as possible.
Next time she does become violent you call 911.
Explain to the dispatcher that this is a person with dementia. They will hopefully approach the situation differently than a domestic violence call.
She MUST be transported.