My mother is 96-years-old and sleeps a great deal during the day, and isn't eating very much. Is this normal?

Let her sleep! This is totally normal...do you realize how exhausting it must be to live a century and then be expected to "act normally" by your children and younger family members? My mother in law did this for 5 years: eat a little, take a nap, get up for a spell, take a nap...she just passed at 98! This is the winding down of an active life; listen to her needs and don't force her into things you think she ought to be doing.

My mom is 96, pretty healthly she also sleeps alot durning the day not really sleeping at times but just laying in bed. I think they are just bored, she was always very active but now cannot move around to much with fear of falling. Best thing you can do for your parent is getting them out, mall, eat out any change of pace will help.

Watch food matters and living health

Food matters on youtube

My mom is 92 she wants to lay in bed for it is hard for her to walk for when she sits and try to get up from the chair it is like death weigh

Talk to her doctor about the choking. She might need a swallowing assessment, which is done by a speech therapist. She may need to be taught some swallowing techniques, or be given softer foods.

This kind of swallowing problem can lead to aspiration pneumonia, which is very dangerous, so please call the doctor today.

My Grandma is 99 and the last couple of weeks she is not eating as much and sleeps most of the day. Today when she had a slice of bread she choked on it then stopped eating, lately choking when ever she does eat and is sleeping most of the day. She lives with my dad 78 for the last 2 yrs. Grandma is deaf and total blind in 1 eye and has 20% in the other. I weighed her today and she is 39kgs.

My 84 year mom sleeps all day and night, urinates in bed and eats less. Should I force her to get up and eat, remind her to use bathroom? She is able to walk and eat, even engages in limited conversations

my mom is 81 had 2 falls in 6 months 2 surgeries, an has been back and forth to 4 different hospitals and a awful rehabilitation center which we decided to take her out of and take care of her ourselves...there are 4 of us and with her attitude and disposition it gets very hard to take care of her she is doing a lot better than she was but we have to constantly push her she gets up to sit in her recliner but asks to go back to baed in a hour or so my sister and brother argur over whether we should keep her up or make her happy and let her go back to bed which I know isn't healthy for her.....should we give her what she wants and let her be happy or do what's best for her and keep her up and moving???

My mother-in-law is 94, soon to be 95 in May and has gone through a tough few years of hip surgeries and vascular surgery to increase circulation in her feet. She just got home from the convalescent hospital after 7 weeks of drip antbiotics because the bone in her leg was infected after the vascular surgery. Now, she sleeps about 18 hours/day and night with a break for food/toilet. She is ambulatory, but seems a little disengaged; maybe because of hearing loss (she can't seem to find her hearing aids, or she doesn't like to put them in). My husband is worried that she sleeps so much, but I think that is totally normal because she is still healing from the trauma of the previous surgery. At the convalescent center, they woke her up constantly (they had to give her the IVs, get her up for rehab exercise, fed her 3 times daily, etc). Plus, the place was very noisy; her roommate had her TV on all night! Now she is back with us in a comfortable room and bed, surrounded by her family and two little dogs which provide constant companionship. When she is up, she eats usually 1 or 2 times a day and has a healthy appetite. The best part is that she is not in pain anymore, and says that she feels fine when she gets up. I thInk it is best to let her sleep; we will see -- after such an onslaught of medical problems, it is only normal.

Keepingmyword, your story brought tears to my eyes. Do the best you can do. I know it is hard for you. I feel for you. Give yourself some credit for stepping up to the plate. Someone, sounds like your grandmother, taught you something wonderful, while helping raise you. When our parents and grandparents get to this age, they are not the same person we used to know. They will say things that you never imagined would come out of their mouths. It is their mind slowly going. Remember her how she was, not how she is. I hope you have peace in your life and know that you are a courageous young woman who has a big heart. Prayers and hugs.

Hazelnut, your grandmother is 90. My mom is 81 and every night she asks the good Lord to take her. I have made my peace if I someday wake up and find her gone. Qaulity of life over quantity. I am 47 years old and do not wish to see my mother suffer any longer. She is supposed to wear her C-pap machine at night and refuses. The arguing is not worth it. She is still in control of her life. I do the best I can to make her comfortable. She used to be a big eater and now she is so picky it is very hard to find something she likes. This just comes with the old age and all the ailments that she encounters. She sleeps all day until around 2 or 3 in the aftternoon and wonders why she can't sleep well at night. She does have the sundowners syndrome....night and days switched. Hard to get it converted again. I love my mother with all my heart and will keep her comfy until her last breath. It is just so hard to see the woman that she has become from being so strong and fiesty in her younger days. I now pray for God to do his will. It never was mine to control. Let your grandmother sleep and have patience with her. Keep her comfortable and cherish the time you have left. She has lived a long life and is now tired and ready to retire to the mansion of our God where there is no pain or suffering. I hope this gives you peace. Hugs....:)

My Grandmother is 86 and has been spiraling downwards in health and will to go on ever since the loss of her two youngest sons around 7 years ago. She had a car accident that was clearly her fault about 6 months after her 2nd loss which was only about a year after the first son died. She just bolted out into an intersection during a red light stop she was at...she claims it changed to green...that is where her depression snowballed. Being the "chief enabler" of a highly dysfunctional family of 6 children whom she completely destroyed their chances at any kind of normal adult life by trying to over compensate due to her x husbands extreme physical and mental abuse on the entire family. Because she felt that his abuse was her fault she wouldn't allow the kids to be held accountable for any wrong behavior, drug abuse yadda yadda...same ol story. So after nearly killing herself to care for all six after her divorce, the two youngest deaths from alcohol and drug abuse that she funded, made excuses for and over looked in denial..had now been a very surreal slap in the face as to her part in these deaths...she had always been a very devote christian pure lady...and she lost all faith, and started losing touch with reality. Now, all remaining 4 children have deserted her, while all 4 are very much unable to physically care for her not one even calls to see how she is. She was the most selfless kind loving woman you could meet...now after 2 yrs of jumping from nursing home to skilled living and back...complaining of being mistreated and neglected in each place, I her oldest grand daughter who is also VERY highly disabled mentally and emotionally due to my mothers abuse and neglect and drug use during the pregnancy yadda yadda...has came home to step up to care for her to the end...which at this rate could go either way as to who will go first of us 2 because im in pretty bad health and am killing myself to do this with no help at all. Its only been since late May but it's been 24 hrs a day since and she cant walk, stand, or even turn from side to side to allow me some assistance in changing her diapers...and I am 100% positive that it's depression that is her #1 disease right now. But she was always there for me when i was a lil girl, when my mom would abuse me so bad I couldnt take it anymore she would come save me and love me in her place...so I told her when I still was learning to talk that when she got old and couldn't care for herself anymore that I would be there for her...And here I am. Maybe not qualified but definitely willing to do what ever I have to.:)
Thanks for such a great resource for us...funny how we always think there cant be any one else in our situation because it's the worse ever...:( Thanks

My mother is 73 we lost my dad in 2010 they were married for 32 years and she has not worked since 1985 and now she lives with me and my husband, I am the youngest of 9 and dont mind her company however she does not want to do anything but watch tv and sleep most of the day, she is a early riser most of the time (7am) but by 11 she wants to do nothing but sleep she says she was watching the tv but i ask her things about the show and she makes up things. she will sleep off and all through out the day and gets on the computer to play games so is this normal or should I be worried shes depressed or getting demcitia? She also has really cut my other siblings out of her life and will not invite them or over even want to talk to them on the phone..... Any answers will be appericated.

Loving my mom

My mother just turned 50. She had back surgery in 2005 and 2006 but she developed other complications which have changed her attitude, mood, and behavior. she refuses to leave the house does not have a single friends and do not know anyone around her neighborhood. She spend her days sleeping up to 16 hours a day at night she is mostly up watching t.v. or just trying to read. She is alone during the day with the house dog, but she never brings herself to walk the dog or even spend too much time playing with him. When I get home from school and my father from work, we try to make her active but she gets very angry and asked to be left alone. My mother takes medications for depression but still her attitude is like from someone who has given up on life and everything else. She tells us to leave her alone that she is doing ok. she only prefers to sleep rather than think about her everyday lifestyle. Is my mother trying to commit suicide by making herself sicker not doing any type of exercise, not eating healthy, not socializing, not caring whether she dies or lives? What can I do?

Yes, this is nomal. In regards to the appetite, as long as you offer drinks and food, she will take them if she feels thirst or hunger. In regards to the sleep, as long as you bathe her, change clothing/pajamas, avoid skin breakdown, help reposition as needed, there is nothing wrong with this! Assess her for pain and treat it if needed. Be kind to her when she wakes. You and your mother are very fortunate if too muchsleep and. No appetite are your biggest concerns. I do not mean that in a sarcastic way, I am being sincere. Take care!

Hazelnut,

Many seniors have different sleep patterns are they age. Some elders are unable to sleep through the night and other elder's sleep all day. Sleep patterns can be caused by the disease, medications, depression, etc.

I have included a few article to help you understand the sleep process in the elderly more. I wish you and your grandmother well.

Sleep Disorders Articles
https://www.agingcare.com/Sleep-Disorders/Articles-1

Do People Need Less Sleep As They Age?
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Sleep-and-Aging-133153.htm

~Karie

My grandmother is almost 97 years old. back in october she fell and broke her hip. she survived not only the broken hip but also the surgery to repair it AND a blood clot...it is now March and she has given up. she can no longer hold herself up and we have to have hospice come in twice a week. we have been trying to keep her comfy but the last 2 days all she has done is sleep. not hungry not thirsty we have to force feed her and keep her hydrated. i fear that what i have read is that she has really given up and just wants to go home. so my question is...is this kind of sleep normal? all day and all night? now under stand up until last year she still tended her gardens and she did not even retire from being a nurse till 10 years ago. she is a strong strong woman so this scares me.i lost my mother the week before my grandmother broke her hip. i know you cant prepare but i dont want to not have a clue as to what is going on. any information is helpful.

My mom sleeps a lot during the day as well. Her appetite has decreased a whole lot, even the things that she really likes that I make for her. When I take her outside to her garden she constantly asks to go in, I just ignore her and keep on working in the yard. I figure she wears herself out by asking over and over besides there are things that need to be done out there.

I adhere to the idea of their body, mind, and spirit just being tired. This makes sense to me. My mom is 90.

Since her health has worsen she's become more difficult, matter of fact she bit me yesterday. So now when she's sleep I kind of think of it as a rest for me.

I have had more than one almost centenarian tell me that they are tired - not just "body tired" but "brain tired" or "soul tired". Sleep is the ultimate respite for all of us! Fear, anxiety, pain, anger, uncertainty, etc all fade away when a person sleeps.
I have also had many seniors who make the decision to limit how much they choose to participate in the world and sleeping is an acceptable way to "check out"!

PATTI:

She might be a night owl or probably suffers from severe depression; hard to tell. Plus she's 96, not as active as you'd like her to be, and might be too tired to chew most of the time.

While you set up an appointment with her doctor, check out Helpguide.org and WebMD for tips. Good luck my friend.

-- ED

Although it is common, I would not say it is normal. A lot of time, woman at that age tend to start giving up, and choose not to be active. At this point, sometimes it is only helpful if you the child get's involved, and make decisions for their parent they might not want to make or be able to make themselves. Does your mother have another other health issues or just old age? Have you considered Assisted Living? This could be a way for her to be social and get involved in activities! Also, the care can prevent any "scares" happening.

Hi Patti & Dogs ~

I think it probably is normal but I am no expert.
Is the weather hot?
I've read about Sundown Syndrome on the Grossed Out & other threads.

Let's help Patti all of you experienced caregivers!