Mom has begun to believe her hallucinations are real. She has called the police, wandered her neighborhood and even began telling half truths about "the voices". Problem is these hallucinations are directional so they are entirely real to her. Since being put on a 3rd medication, things have calmed down quite a bit. We are not taking care of all her business while waiting and waiting on a long term care insurance policy to be approved. I'm hoping they will at least pay some of her care since she has been paying over $300 a month for the policy. The ins co is jerking me around some but I am hopeful that I will have some positive news soon. Being an only child is hard. I know the time has come where she needs to move into memory care, but I hate that she will hate me for it. My husband and I are snowbirds. My health is poor and my hubby has issues too. It has made me sick to watch her decline. So we would like to continue going south for our own health in the winter. Any words of wisdom? I am at a loss.
she's living alone? this is so scary.
Have you considered admission to a psychiatric unit to het her meds sorted?. She is clearly a danger to herself, and to your health.
Can you admit her to memory care NOW and gain the facility's help in fighting the insurance company?
Make sure that you c.c all your written correspondence to the insurance company to your State Attorney General and State Insurance Commssion. I've found that doing that can speed resolutions enormously.
(((((Hugs)))))
A good percentage of us here have dealt with being “hated” for placing a loved one in a facility. But deep down, we knew we had to. For some people, dementia is a very angry disease. My mom lived her last years in skilled nursing hating everyone. But she was safe, fed and well cared for.
It is unsafe for her to remain living with family (or alone). Also, you and your husband have a right to your own lives, to be able to travel south when the spirit moves you and while you still have enough health to do so.
I recommend that you start investigating memory care places and get her name on the waiting list. The time has come.
I arranged for her to be admitted for a psychiatric evaluation, I told her she had an appointment, then, after we were there, I said the doctor needed her to stay in. She accepted that, with no issues. After evaluating her for a month, the psychiatrist said she needed full time care, so I found a suitable nursing home (she is self funding but I haven’t told her she is paying for it, she wouldn’t want so much of her own money spent on her), the hospital transported her over, so I could tell her it was another unit the doctor wanted to move her to, because it was better for her.
She has been there since March, she now can’t remember where she used to live. Until then I just kept telling her the doctor wanted her to stay because it was the best place for her just now.
The hallucinations got worse, to the point where I couldn’t speak to her, she would tell me to shush because I was interrupting her conversation with the voices. She has now been prescribed anti psychotic medication, which is helping.
It was a difficult decision to make and I can understand totally why anyone would be reluctant, but I knew it was best for her and I can see now, the difference that 24 hour care makes. She is showered and fed (which she refused from carers in her home), with lots of activities to take part in. For now, she is stable, but who knows what the future brings, it’s a heartbreaking journey.
I hope that this will take some of the guilt out of making painful decisions in the future. My parents never had these conversations with their parents, and as dementia has changed their mothers the window of opportunity for real understanding seems to be gone. My dad's mom passed away a year and a half ago, and I know my dad carries guilt because she really didn't understand why she had to be in a care facility - and she was brutal in berating him for "putting her there" even though it was apparent to everyone including her doctors that it was necessary. The funny thing is that my grandmother was a doctor. And she was very vocal about her intolerance of people who couldn't accept the reality of their needs and limitations as they aged, at least when she still had her faculties about her. Dementia took away her ability to see that in herself. So I think that her younger self would have approved of what my dad did out of love for her. Maybe your mom's younger self would thank you for doing what you know is the right thing to properly care for her.
Wishing you peace as you traverse these coming days and weeks of transition. With peace and light XO
Often it is how you phrase it that can be the difference - try telling her it is only while you are down south & hopefully by the time you come back she will be settled - the fib for their benefit is much better that screaming, tears, words etc - look for a way to skirt around the permanent part & accentuate the positive [I believe there is a song about that]
He has finally made a friend, and is moving into a double room with him.
If you knew my Dad, you would know this is a miracle.
You are due for one also.