My mother is 93 and refuses a home attendant or a doctor. She has not left her building in over 4 years. She has short and some long term memory loss. Not diagnosed by a Dr. but it is obvious. Difficulty walking because of hammer toes.
I went through the whole process of getting an attendant and she was approved. Then when nurse came to evaluate how many hours and days a week she cancelled the entire thing. The nurse said nothing she can do if my mother refuses since she may have memory loss but she is capable of making her own decisions. Health care proxy does not matter because she is capable of making decisions.
She lives alone but I stop by as much as possible during through out the day. I am open to suggestions. This has happened twice and the case ends up getting closed and then I have to restart the entire process all over again when she decides she wants home attendant.
Needless to say I am stressed.
I am there 7 days a week in evening to make sure she is secure (windows, doors locked, stove off, fridge and cabinets full and to clean up the place). Figure since I am there every day I would become her attendant this way they can not close the case and next time she says she wants a home attendant I just call and get a professional in quicker than having to go through whole process. Then I could step back.
Any thoughts on this idea or input would be appreciated!!!!!

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She's not on the same page you are... Since you do all that for her, she can't figure out why she should have some stranger come in and do stuff - just say'in.
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If she has short-term memory loss, how is she capable of "making her own decisions" if she isn't even remembering that she is contradicting a decision she had made prior? My MIL had short-term memory loss. She wasn't remembering that she hadn't eaten. All day. Maybe for several days. She had to go into a care community even though she was healthy in most all other ways. Who is saying your mom is She? The social workers? I think that part should be reassessed. Also, if the arrangement isn't working for both of you, then it isn't working. She is not independent and is reacting out of fear and a confused/breaking brain. You don't have to go along for that ride, just because she wants you to. She doesn't realize what she is asking you to sacrifice. Blessings to you for your efforts on her behalf.
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Be careful filling the assistant position with yourself, sometimes they are not willing to change from their offspring to a professional.

Is it possible to ensure that you are present when they come in for the assessment? That would allow you to remind mom why she asked you to set it all up. It may be confusing to her and she cancels out of fear.

Good luck!
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