I am her immediate son. My mother lives with my sister. My sister is POA.My sister does not answer the phone or text messaging with my request to see my momShe is denying my visitI have contacted adult protective services. I have contacted South Carolina legal services.They tell me that since my mother is living in my sister's home, there's nothing I can doMy mother is cognitiveI know she wants me to visit herI sent her cards. I don't know if she ever receives them. I am not told.It is just a act of cruelty and unethical behavior on my sister and her husband's partMy sister wants me out of the picture under the rug and kept silent with no contactI am the whistleblower in the family. I am the scapegoat.She knows what she is doing is wrongShe is a coward and she does not want to
Looks like you have hit a brick wall when it comes to government agencies and lawyers. Being lay people here, we can't really suggest much else.
Sometimes people avoid giving updates because:
They’re scared about what’s happening
They don’t know how to handle the changes
They feel alone and don’t know how to ask for help
They’re trying to “protect” themselves
Or they’re simply exhausted
You should be able to visit your mom and get updates. You deserve that.
If you feel up to it, sending a simple, calm message like:
“I love Mom and I want to support you too. Can we find a small way to keep each other updated?”
…can sometimes open a door without adding pressure.
And if your sister still doesn’t respond, it’s not a reflection of you or your intentions. Family dynamics during decline are painful and complicated, and you’re not alone in this. 💛
When you say you are the whistleblower in the family, what things have you blown the whistle about? What were the results? Were these episodes that made your sister fearful of having you with your mother (whether you were right or wrong)?
Whether it's fair or not, the people in authority have all told you that your sister has all the authority here.
Why don't you leave them alone for a good long while, like a couple of months. Then write a heartfelt apology to your sister for the harassment of her. Give her some more time to absorb it, like a week or two. Write again, apologize again, and ask if you might be able to talk with or visit your mother once on your sister's terms, maybe once a week at first.
I know this is very hard on you. Maybe you can talk with your doctor about some medication to help calm your anxiety about your mother so you are not obsessing about it, which results in the relentless texts and phone calls. It might help to talk with a counselor. Maybe your pastor can recommend someone. Just talking to a trained person about this very distressing situation will help make it seem less bleak.
I hope you will be able to reunite with your mother, put this situation behind you, and have peace of heart and mind.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/it-legal-for-older-sister-to-deny-my-mother-talking-to-me-on-the-phone-to-say-happy-birthday-495913.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/dec-2024-my-sister-is-poa-for-my-elderly-mother-of-89-years-it-is-now-june-29-2025-i-still-have-not--494334.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/sister-is-poa-and-isolating-me-from-mom-does-anyone-have-any-suggestions-492562.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/mediator-recommendations-in-south-carolina-492593.htm
Were none of those responses helpful to you? It's ok to vent here. I'm so sorry for these circumstances. May you receive peace in your heart for things that are out of your control.