I am her immediate son. My mother lives with my sister. My sister is POA.My sister does not answer the phone or text messaging with my request to see my momShe is denying my visitI have contacted adult protective services. I have contacted South Carolina legal services.They tell me that since my mother is living in my sister's home, there's nothing I can doMy mother is cognitiveI know she wants me to visit herI sent her cards. I don't know if she ever receives them. I am not told.It is just a act of cruelty and unethical behavior on my sister and her husband's partMy sister wants me out of the picture under the rug and kept silent with no contactI am the whistleblower in the family. I am the scapegoat.She knows what she is doing is wrongShe is a coward and she does not want to
Looks like you have hit a brick wall when it comes to government agencies and lawyers. Being lay people here, we can't really suggest much else.
Sometimes people avoid giving updates because:
They’re scared about what’s happening
They don’t know how to handle the changes
They feel alone and don’t know how to ask for help
They’re trying to “protect” themselves
Or they’re simply exhausted
You should be able to visit your mom and get updates. You deserve that.
If you feel up to it, sending a simple, calm message like:
“I love Mom and I want to support you too. Can we find a small way to keep each other updated?”
…can sometimes open a door without adding pressure.
And if your sister still doesn’t respond, it’s not a reflection of you or your intentions. Family dynamics during decline are painful and complicated, and you’re not alone in this. 💛
When you say you are the whistleblower in the family, what things have you blown the whistle about? What were the results? Were these episodes that made your sister fearful of having you with your mother (whether you were right or wrong)?
Whether it's fair or not, the people in authority have all told you that your sister has all the authority here.
Why don't you leave them alone for a good long while, like a couple of months. Then write a heartfelt apology to your sister for the harassment of her. Give her some more time to absorb it, like a week or two. Write again, apologize again, and ask if you might be able to talk with or visit your mother once on your sister's terms, maybe once a week at first.
I know this is very hard on you. Maybe you can talk with your doctor about some medication to help calm your anxiety about your mother so you are not obsessing about it, which results in the relentless texts and phone calls. It might help to talk with a counselor. Maybe your pastor can recommend someone. Just talking to a trained person about this very distressing situation will help make it seem less bleak.
I hope you will be able to reunite with your mother, put this situation behind you, and have peace of heart and mind.
my sister is a manipulator and a liar.
I call her on it all the time.
My grandmother's last words to me were: "please don't let your sister treat my daughter so mean."
My grandmother saw right through my sister as well
I'm not sure if you're familiar with NPD narcissist personality disorder. This is what I have lived through my entire life.
I have gone through an eight year silent treatment, a six year silent treatment, December 25 of 2024 my sister once again decided to administer the silent treatment. She is the primary caregiver of my mother, and she has not spoken a word to me. I do not know any thing on the status of my mom's health.. and somebody commented that I'm harassing my sister, which is completely ridiculous
When my mom went into hospice care
My knowledge of hospice was end of life
My sister purposely kept me in the dark, swept me under the rug. This is what she has always done to me. I do not know the name of my mother's doctor. I do not know the name of the hospice company. My sister will not disclose any of this to me, my sister resents me and always has
When my parents moved in with her and her husband 14 years ago, I tried contacting inviting everyone to Charleston to come to my Christmas Eve service to come to my Easter service. I would keep mom and dad at my place for the weekend and drive them back to my sister's place.
I made attempts for three months, tried to make plans and was completely ignored.
april of 2024 I was told that my mom had dementia she didn't know where she was
I had received a number of text messages from my sister as well stating that my mother would not make it to Christmas of 2024
I had a wellness check done by the sheriffs office
The sheriff found my mother in her bedroom, fully dressed and waiting to go get her hair done. He asked her if she knew what day it was. He asked her if she had a son named Alton that's me.
Then he got on the phone and said Mr. Cox your mom does not seem like someone who is suffering from dementia to me. She's waiting to get her hair done and she's fully dressed.
Asked for the text messages from my sister stating my mom will not make it to Christmas of 2024, it is now January 9, 2026 & My mother is still here.!
I have contacted adult protective services five different times and they always reject my case stating that there is no sign of physical abuse emotional abuse yes or they can only step in when there is physical abuse
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/it-legal-for-older-sister-to-deny-my-mother-talking-to-me-on-the-phone-to-say-happy-birthday-495913.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/dec-2024-my-sister-is-poa-for-my-elderly-mother-of-89-years-it-is-now-june-29-2025-i-still-have-not--494334.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/sister-is-poa-and-isolating-me-from-mom-does-anyone-have-any-suggestions-492562.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/mediator-recommendations-in-south-carolina-492593.htm
Were none of those responses helpful to you? It's ok to vent here. I'm so sorry for these circumstances. May you receive peace in your heart for things that are out of your control.