My mother is 90, has dementia and is now bowel incontinent. How can I prepare her to travel by air?

A wine cork?? That thing would be blown out during a sh*t-splosion with such force it might penetrate the cabin wall!.......I don't know what happened to the OP or if this disaster lurched forward nonetheless, but this is valuable info for anyone contemplating a similar adventure.

Unfortunately, a trip like this could end up being shown on a YouTube video.

sandylaw: Also, airplane bathrooms are very tiny as I'm sure you're aware. How on earth would YOU be able to assist the elder should she have to use the bathroom?? Not to mention that the rest of the people on the flight are waiting for the elder to depart the bathroom! I cannot even fathom an elder being stable enough in flight to use the facility anyway.

For the duration of the flight perhaps you can use a wine cork?

Sandy--

In case you are thinking still of this trip with your mom--let me share a little something with you. I flew from Atlanta to SLC yesterday. 4 hours+....and elderly man was sick in the mid-cabin bathroom. I was sitting about 15 rows back, but I may as well have been in there with him. I cannot describe the smell---people were vomiting, walking to back of the plane and refusing to return to their seats near that bathroom. It was over an hour before the smell dissipated enough to not make breathing a constant misery. People were not impolite, but it made a rough trip nearly unbearable. My DH was sitting close to the bathroom, but he has basically no sense of smell and even he said it was pretty bad.

I saw the man being removed from the plane by his younger companion and placed in a wheelchair. He was wrapped in blankets. He was also clearly mortified.

Having been up close and personal to an accident of this kind--please consider the fellow passengers.

If the trip is absolutely necessary, what you really need is medical air transport--google that, and angelflight or something similar, if the situation is one that would be considered medically necessary.

Sandylaw: My suggestions were offered as A LAST DITCH EFFORT. I do not recommend this AT ALL.

I did post my thanks 3 days ago or maybe it's 4 now. I do appreciate all the comments and the sharing of personal stories. Thank you all

Where did the original poster go?????

My MIL had an explosive fecal accident on a hotel shuttle once. The smell was horrific. The seat had to be professionally cleaned before another person could use it. That shuttle had to be taken out of commission for the rest of day while the staff dealt with the problem.

I do not know exactly how much of an inconvenience this ended up being to the hotel but I would imagine that losing an entire shuttle inconvenienced dozens if not hundreds of travelers who had to find alternative transportation to the hotel because the wait time doubled. Now imagine the shuttle is an airplane! Anyone who has flown recently understands that airlines don't have extra planes just sitting around!!!

I only traveled one more time after that with MIL - at her insistence - and when she had a medical emergency on that last trip, my husband and I told her we would not travel with her anymore and she just had to accept that. I do like the gift bags story but I cannot agree that a gift bag is sufficient to knowingly risk inconveniencing people.

It takes 8 hours to fully clean and air out the chair after our relative had an accident in it. So she goes into her bedroom in her upright bed when that happens and no one uses it while it dries overnight. That's when we clean it immediately right after she realizes there is a problem which you will not be able to do. Even the heaviest adult diapers don't hold a day,s worth of fluids. Why do you think you have a right to have that sort of an accident in seating other people are going to be assigned to after your flight?

Agree with Sunnygirl & others. Is this trip absolutely necessary?
Along with the possibility of an accidental bowel or bladder, the entire ordeal will be super stressful for her....all the hustle & bustle of an airport, going through security ( I am sure you have heard of episodes where TSA May pull her for an additional security check), boarding, change in altitude (can present fearful symptoms for her that she doesn’t understand), etc
I hope you can reconsider but if she must go, there were excellent suggestions offered in this thread.
Good luck!

I am sorry for all the bad comments about your traveling with your loved one. I was once a passenger on a plane where a elderly gentleman had a accident and he was horrified. The smell was terrible for everyone and he was so embarrassed. It is not like traveling with a baby or small child like some people have suggested. The smell caused everyone to gag. Some actually threw up. The plane had other bathrooms but there was no way to get to either of them without passing the gentleman. If you choose to travel with anyway, get seats in the back of the plane closest to the bathroom. Personally, I can't think of any reason to put someone through the flight.

I still didn't see an explanation for the purpose of the trip. I think that I would be terrified that we would have a situation of a big mess, smell, liquid, that constitutes a health hazard, the plane crew would deem it as such and require an emergency landing. Then, you and mom have to depart the plane, are stuck at the airport AND you get fined. That would be my concern.

Sandylaw - if the trip is absolutely necessary and you have to make it, may i suggest something that a friend of mine did? Her father died and she brought her mother back to the US to live (she was born in another country). Mom had dementia - was bladder incontinent. She contacted the airlines and got advice on seat selection (on the international flight she got two seats on the side near the bathroom) and the flight staff were wonderful in helping her. She also got anti anxiety medication for mom (dr worked with her on the flight idea), she used wheel chairs for transitioning. She also did one more thing. She got together about 10 little gift bags of good quality chocolate, biscuits, candy (small bags) and explained to those seated near them that her mom was recently widowed, had dementia, and she was coming home with daughter to live. She explained to the people near her that she would probably be in the bathroom a long time when she went in to help her mom, that while her mom was on anxiety meds - she might speak loudly or cry, and seem agitated. She told them the flight staff was aware and helping her. And then she gave out the gift bags to people around them as a courtesy.

The people were very kind. During the long flight - mom did have a few bad spells of agitation where she was rocking and crying but the daughter was able to soothe her and manage the medication. People around were very considerate.

Perhaps this is a one in a thousand situation. But anyway - good luck.

I appreciate all the sound advice and personal stories that you all have shared. I am indeed rethinking the "necessity" of this flight. But appreciate all the tips for traveling with a loved one who has these conditions. It gives me hope that it is possible.. not easy by an stretch but possible. Thanks again!

This must be absolutely necessary. However, if you MUST take the flight, be advised that they do accommodate someone who is a medical emergency. If you tell them ahead of time, they'll allow you to board first and depart first. If need be, EMS will be waiting at your destination if you tell the airline.

if possible, clean her out a couple days prior or at least the day before. I would empty out a fleet enema and just use warm tap water, it is far less irritating and she wont get the contractions that the saline normally produces, you can give her two or three in the same day and then just a very light meal with liquids such as icecream, jello and soups.

I took care of my mother, but I also started to learn how to correct her health problems.
Your mother"s bowel incontinence is due to extreme B-vitamin deficiency. Go to a health food store and buy the B-total sublingual and give it to her daily.

Every case of dementia is different. In the ten years my husband had Lewy Body Dementia we took a 30-hour trip on Amtrak, a couple of plane trips, a couple of cruises, and several car trips. (Car trips are easiest.) He never was disturbed by changing environments, as long as I was with him.

Could everyone with dementia do this? My gosh, no! But several members of my caregiver support group traveled to Europe with their demented loved one (with more than one capable adult helping.)

As far as the dementia goes, each caregiver knows her loved one best and needs to make her own judgment.

But the incontinence is what makes this sound so very challenging. Others have given some good advice about how to handle this if the trip must be made by air.

A few years ago my mother was starting to get bad with dementia. She was pleasant and pretty much with it most of the time; I had hired caregivers to come in a few hours a day but it was starting to get more onerous and exhausting. A relative's child was getting married in another state and he was adamant that we bring mom along with us to that wedding. I explained mom was incontinent, and what were we to do during the 3 hour layover in a connecting airport??? I could hardly get her shoes on and her out to the car for a doctors appointment without a major scene, much less going from one airline gate to another, and through security, too! He said, why don't you hire her part-time caregiver to come down with you, and she can look after your mother while you're out and about....1) caregiver was a frail little lady who had her own family to look after, and 2) the agency charged $25 an hour - for just 2 days, that would have been $600, not including airline tickets, hotel room charges, and any extra time they were stuck in case of flight delays. Not to mention cost of transport to and from the airport in both places (almost an hour from airport to the city where the wedding was being held, and an hour from mom's house to the airport we would leave from). And SHE flat out refused to even consider it.... This relative of ours was living in a dream world! He had rosy visions of The Grand Old Lady holding court, everyone whispering, 'oh, the dear old lady made it to the wedding, god bless!'.   Wrangle her out of the strange hotel room and take her to a strange new place to see this wedding?  She didn't even remember names of the young folks getting married.  Then to the reception, with noisy dance music, hip-hop music, drinking and eating and loud strangers?.......No, it wasn't going to happen! .... A month or so later, I brought mom a photo album (the relative had printed out pictures) of the wedding. She politely glanced at it for about a minute, and tossed the photo album behind the couch!. ..... Oy. ..... So that was a trip that didn't happen, but just thinking of all the things that would have gone wrong - I think I would have had a nervous breakdown, myself.  No way.

I have to agree with the others that a plane trip is a bad idea. I wouldn't dream of taking my husband with TBI-dementia on a plane even for a short trip. It would be too traumatic for everyone. I think the only reason I could see for such a trip would be somehow due to medical need. Maybe she's in a country that doesn't have the medical care she needs? Even then, maybe a cruise/auto transport combo would be better. If it's a medical need and a flight can't be avoided, then you can get a medi-flight which is much more expensive but much less traumatic for your mom.

MaryElisabeth and CaredForParents, I appreciate you sharing actual personal experience. I hope OP gets to read all the responses.

Have you contacted the Airlines and asked for advice and assistance?

People do it all the time with children and ill patients, why not the elderly?

If it were me, I would start with contacting the airline first.

I would contact the airline and ask them how they suggest you handle the situation. Good Luck!

I know this may be unpopular to say, but it may be very doable and is not destined to be a disaster if you plan, and you asking is a sign you've already considered other options. I hope the below advice actually helps.
1) Watch her diet the week prior to make sure she doesn't have a large blowout. Lots of liquids early in the week to avoid constipation which may release mid-air (as cabin pressure increases...). Then taper the liquids 24 hrs prior or whatever is best for her toileting.
2) Double layer Depends. If they aren't holding her waste, try a smaller size in the inside and a bigger size over that.
3) Diaposable waterproof pads for her seat(s) are a must to avoid the worst-case scenario for everyone. Both under her and on the back of her seat. I recommend interweave across, down the back, then another across the seat and another down (pull off the top layer then still have a second just in case). The pads roll up and dispose of easily. I also used them with my toddlers. Available at Walgreens/drug stores or online. Go for xtra large if you can.
4) Plastic bags double upped with rubber bands to seal and gallon ziplocs do you can clean up right away.
5) A few changes of clothes including easy on/off shoes. Ideally things that you're already thinking of tossing, so you can seal it properly then toss it.
6) Wet wipes and gloves if you use them to assist her toileting
7) Arrange for wheelchairs on departure and arrival. Even if she's mobile, you'll get from A to B much quicker and with less disorientation.
8) As for meds such as anti-diareahal the night prior, talk with her doctor. It should be do-able, and if she has ongoing diarrhea from meds or otherwise, the doctor should address that anyways.

Unfortunately, it's hard for folks to imagine and other options seem better unless they've been there and actually looked into it. After my mom died unexpectedly, my Dad needed to move in with us immediately. As a pregnant lady with an under-one-year-old and a job I desperately needed, Amtrak wasn't gonna work (and it would have been WAY worse for him to be totally disoriented for days for all functions of sleeping, toileting, and eating vs just a few hours, aside from being crazy expensive). Flying with total incontinence was manageable and uneventful (thanks to family restrooms and a well-planned carry on) compared to many tasks of caregiving. Take care. Be strong. I hope this helps.

You got a lot of great responses and practical information on this thread so I won’t add my thoughts.
What I will add is our experience with taking father in law on a two hour flight so we could attend a family reunion. We were full of good intentions but so uneducated about the ways Dad’s brain perceived things. The entire experience troubled him - everything from the announcements over the PA system to the frenetic movement of people moving about the airport. There is SO MUCH added stimulation his brain had to try and process that by the time we got on the plane, he was a nervous wreck and he was on prescribed meds for anxiety too!
We made it to our destination but arrived exhausted with trying to keep Dad occupied and comforted. The flight crew was amazing so we got lucky there...we rented a car for the return trip home. It took us much longer but it was absolutely the right option for him as he was more serene.
Good luck to you!

An updated version of traditional plastic pants or rubber pants, comfortable over diapers, is available at NorthShore Care Supply. Order on line and it ships immediately, fast. Or check search for GaryWear or Salk Sani-pant. There are many helpful supplies out there. Good luck.

Well, first, I hope you can review your travel options and find another way. I would also recommend buying Tranquility OverNight Maximum Absorbency Underwear (I get ours from Jet.com). They are designed to handle fecal incontinence, including gathers around the leg and a lot of padding. That's my husband's issue and they work much better than the standard brief to control the problem. At the least, they give you more time to clean up.

The other factor you might not have considered are the charming people who check you through security at the airport. The last thing you need is to have them demand to search her or have her dementia trigger an angry rant (if that's an issue). I'm not going to lecture you about going the way some of the 'holier-than-thou' types here have, but you really need to consider all the factors.

Best wishes for your trip.

For heavens sake; I never would have thought about all this, but having read these posts, sure won't do it - my mom's safe! As several of you said, there must be another way, if the trip is necessary at all.....