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She is calling me several times a day asking for me to take her home. She says she hates this place and sees no reason why she can't go back to her house. We owned the home she lived in and sold it when it became obvious to us that she would not be able to return home. She had fallen and broken an ankle and spent 3 months in Rehab and then we were going to have her in AL until she got her strength back. She never did get her mind and physical condition to the point that we felt she could be on her own again. She was only 78 when she went in and just turned 85. I have tried reasoning with her, deflecting the conversation and even promising to "look" into alternative placement. Where she lives isn't the nicest place, but it is in her price range and they have a Medicaid discount. They treat her well, but she doesn't think they do. I'm just at my wits ends as to how to respond to her constant requests to bring her home. When she fell I tried to have her with us, but it nearly killed me to take care of her. I am 65 and disabled. No other family close by to help. I tried getting callers from church but she is such a Debbie downer no one wants to visit with her.

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Thank you all for your responses. I think she is fixating more on going home now, she did this some in the past, because she has a newer roommate that is talking about moving back home. This is a real possibility for this woman since she is not in nearly as bad physical condition and does seem to have more of her mental faculties. But then I'm not really sure why she is in this place anyways. There may be more going on in her case I'm not aware of. Actually Mom's health is better than it has been in the past. She got a pacemaker a couple years ago and did do a lot better mentally for awhile. I guess this is just normal aging.
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Dear Nancy,

I can certainly sympathize with you and what you are going through. I know you are doing your best for your mom. I know no one wants to be in nursing home or assisted living but that is the hard reality sometimes. Have you talked with her doctor? Nurse? Or maybe she needs a psychologist. I wonder if her condition is worsening or is she being over medicated? Why this sudden desire to go home after 6 years? My other concern is her health is failing. My father asked to go home 3 days before he passed. He never asked me that before and I really regret not listening to him.
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Don't try to explain you cannot reason with dementia. Instead simply tell her that the doc wants her there for now to help her regain strength.
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I've had the same with Dad from time to time; I think it's a fixation due to dementia (IMO). I continue to go along with what he is currently fixated on, agreeing to look into it or see what can be done to help (without specific promises). I believe the church should step up, no matter how negative she is. Perhaps you can contact another church or ask about clergy that already visits the facility.
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There r people here that r in your situation. I think they will tell u no matter where Mom is, she will not be happy. They always want to go home. You are doing the best u can. Others can give u some good ideas.
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