She says that she was in a fog when it happened...drugged maybe. She claims that she and “the girls” at the nursing home went to a party in a black car to a hotel, where a man with gray hair raped her on the bed. She claims she’s been to other parties before in recent months, like a wedding, and met a different guy that she’s interested in.
She says she walked out of the nursing home willingly (she can walk, but is generally in a wheelchair with an alarm, and uses a walker limitedly), and walked back in. She’s very graphic when she describes the man’s genitalia, giggling about how large it was, and showing us with her hands.
We have noticed that she has been losing her filter in recent months when it comes to sexual conversation. She claims to be “boy crazy.” She has also mentioned how cute the investigators who came to interview her about the rape allegation were, and hopes that they come back to visit her.
Still, we feel the responsibility to take the allegation seriously. Just because she may have details confused, doesn’t mean something might not have happened. We called the police and they came an interviewed her. She kept changing the fantastical story, but one detail she insisted on and still insists on, is that she was raped. She said she “knows what it feels like.”
We contacted the social services Ombudsman (she’s a Medicaid patient) and they also interviewed her, and did an outer examination of her body, which was fine. She has refused an internal exam, and we don’t want to put her through one if it’s not necessary, because we’ve heard it’s very invasive and could be traumatic.
My husband thinks it didn’t happen. He has two sisters, one is convinced it DID happen, and the other is leaning toward not, but still wants to do due diligence. My husband and I agree. That sister is going to meet with the nursing home administration tomorrow.
The one strange thing (if it’s all not strange already), is that the hospital administrator told my husband’s sister who is going to meet with them, that the first they knew of the allegation was when the police detectives showed up. I know this is inaccurate, because the other sister called me right after her mother told her what happened, and she said she told the nurse manager immediately, which was in the afternoon. The police showed up in the evening. Why would they lie about this?
Has anyone dealt with a rape allegation from a parent with dementia in a nursing home? Is there anything I should tell my husband’s sister to ask/request going into her meeting? Is there any other information that might be useful to us in this circumstance?
My secondary concern is that if something did not happen, that the sister who is convinced it did, might raise such a stink that the nursing home would kick her mother out. There isn’t a better nursing home in the area. My mother-in-law is there as a Medicaid patient. Can they kick her out?
Thanks in advance for your replies!