I retired early to move to Oklahoma so my wife can care for her mom. My wife said her mom's health was declining fast and maybe had a year left. That was over three years ago. Her mom became bed ridden four months ago. She has no control over her bladder or bowel movements and my wife changes her three to seven times a day. It has become physically and mentally overwhelming for my wife of 53. She tore a ligament in her knee a few months ago and still limps around. My wife has also had a breakdown and her doctor put her on HBP meds and anxiety meds. My wife reached out to the Hospice nurse who contacted her mom's doctor. He referred her to a nursing home. My wife explained to every family member that she cannot do it anymore. They all agreed a nursing home is the answer because none of them are in any position to take over mom's care. Then the day came we ( Hospice nurse, wife and I ), told mom. She became very standoffish and said she will not go and she would rather die first. She said she used to work in a nursing home ( back in the 80s) and she knows how " those people" can be. We explained that there are Quality Control and certain protocols now. She wasn't trying to hear that. She still refuses. My questions: At what point does my wife's health override her moms well being? What can/will the state do to help us? The nurse said that mom cannot be forced into care. I almost called 911 a few weeks ago because I thought my wife was having a stroke. Her BP was off the charts. I swore if that happened again, we would just quit. Then what? It is so sad for their relationship to end that way but my wife's life is more important. It is also sad that after my wife had her breakdown, her mom is so selfish, that she will not go willingly into a home. What are our options? I am almost to the point of calling 911 for mom and having her hospitalized, then rejecting her upon discharge. We don't want to do it that way. Please, any advice.