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She has never been to the doctor. She had a spot about 20 years ago she says that has now become skin cancer we are assuming. Its very bad with exposed neck bones. Neither one of her kids have known about this as she has had it covered for 20 years. It was discovered as now she is unable to care for herself and the daughter in law is caring for her. Can her son's be changed with neglect when she passes? They have called the EMS a few times when she has fallen and she has refused to go to the hospital or have any medical care.

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You said several times that MIL refused care and went so far as to hide the problem. She's a grown woman and made her decision and now she has to live with the consequences. It's on record that she refused EMS transport to the ER or any ensuing care. She was neglecting her own self. And, who is going to bring charges -- especially *after* she passes? Sounds like the DIL needs to report her to APS.
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Have them call APS and report the situation, so it is documented that they have tried to help and it was her choice to refuse care. Also, if they have records of the EMS visits (dates, etc.), keep those handy. You don't want her death to be considered suspicious. A medical person will need to fill out a death certificate. If there is no medical person, the police may be asked to check the scene to verify that nothing is suspicious, and an autopsy may be done to determine cause of death and verify that there was no foul play. So it is best to have someone in authority have a record before her death that lack of medical treatment was her decision.
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You know, even if she has been anti doctor that doesn't mean her DIL can't call in hospice services "to help her" care for your mother-in-law, having that on board can cover a lot of bases when it comes to death and dying at home and is truly a gift to those left behind
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No, you cannot be charges.
If you called EMS and they refused to transport her, then they as professionals made that decision.
You currently say she has been accepted into the care of her DIL. This woman should not call APS and tell them exactly what you just told US. Ask daughter-in-law to ask APS if they will come to assess her and her mentation, to decide if she should be transported to care AGAINST HER WILL AND WISHES, or if they can assist her in writing a directive saying she does not wish to have any care.

Best to you. Hope you will let us know how all goes.
I hope the new year has better in store than this sad beginning.
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BarbBrooklyn Jan 2025
Alva, I think you mean to say that the DIL SHOULD call Adult Protective Services, right?
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