My mother-in-law is 97 years old. She refuses all help from Medicaid, or doctors. She won't use a walker or cane as she says those are for old people. Any suggestions?

How much income does MIL have each month? Does she have savings or other assets to pay for her care? If it's adequate, tell her she is going to be paying someone to handle all her needs 24 hrs a day because both of you need some rest. That's what savings is for - your old age/medical needs.

You might also tell her that by not using the walker/cane, she is putting herself at high risk for a fall. Once that happens, she will have no say so in where she lives because it will all be determined by medical providers and her ability to walk after an accident. Ask her how she would feel about laying in a bed all day, unable to get around on her own, and waiting for someone to answer a call bell.

Will social worker talk to her about you no longer being able to take care of her in the home? Let her do some of the dirty work. She can explain your heath issues and why it's not in your best interest. Possibly show her what she has found for places to take her and the pet.

stop trying to make her do the logical things to help her. Treat her like a toddler and consider it a good day if she’s breathing, fed and warm.

Meanwhile, wait for her to fall and call ems. Once admitted to a hospital she will be assigned a case worker who can help you get her into the appropriate place.

Its irritating when old people won't use their walker or other devices to help them walk because they say those things are for old people. News flash at 97 you are not only old you are practically ancient, so check your ego and utilize the resources to help prevent a fall.

I have this one question I would ask every caregiver.
Whose life is more important? Some might argue both, possibly. I would say caregiving should not be about sacrificing your health or your life!
Time to put yourself first. You have every right and responsibility to yourself.
You had heart attack, your own physician should be first person to say no stress or strenuous activities.

Call the social worker and say you can no
longer care for MIL and there is going to be no more outside help coming .

I’m assuming the social worker has already determined that MIL can’t live alone since you posted that the social worker can find her a place . Hopefully the social worker can arrange to have her removed from your home by a big scary dude .
( I was in a similar situation as well with my mother when a family member did the same thing . I had a social worker come from APS and she determined Mom could not be home alone , she needed 24 hour supervision . A week before the social worker was due to come back with the scary dude to take mom out of the house, my dumb sister told my aunt . My aunt called up my mother and told her that her kids were dumping her in a nursing home and that she didn’t have to go. Mom ended up having a mini mental breakdown on top of her Dementia. Called 911 , Mom wouldn’t go ,so EMTs left . Then mom said she had chest pain. Called 911 again , this time they took her to the ER. No heart attack , but I told them the story. They admitted her for observation . From there she went to her room at AL that she was scheduled to go to.)

Or if the social worker says she is safe to live on her own which I doubt, you start eviction notice.

Or family member with big mouth takes her in .
You have rights , it’s your house .

Find her a place. Then put her in the car and drop her off. Ask that an aide be there to take her to her room. If MIL wants to sue you, then let her. She can find the lawyer and pay for him. When she sees that his retainer is 5k or more she may back down. And that family member that told MIL her rights, tgey can care for her.

Ask the SW if you can turn MILs care over to the State. The State will assign her a guardian.

Or like Barb says, take a vacation. Tell her she needs to go into respite care but really your placing her in LTC.

Tell her she IS an old person. If it makes her angry, maybe she’ll leave.
If she doesn’t leave, tell she’s an old person who needs to leave immediately.
Whatever works! You and your husband aren’t required to provide her with a home. I hope you find a solution to this problem soon.

Do not let her ruin your marriage. What type of setting is appropriate for her? Assisted living, nursing home, memory care? Hubby needs to sit down with her and tell her it's time to make a choice, if she is still competent. Otherwise, he hopefully has POA and can make the decision for her.

Time for you and hubby to go on vacation - I like that idea. If is safe for her to be alone, then do that. Otherwise, hire more care and do not be available to her for ruining your vacation. Or have her go to respite care.

So sorry for your very difficult situation.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Just pick her up and cart her off to the place the Social Worker found for her. Sign the papers, whatever you need to do.

What's she going to do -- file a lawsuit for wrongful eviction??

Op has 3 separate posts going at once. Here is the other one:

We don't know how to deal with her bad behaviour. Does a medical durable poa allow us to place her anywhere?

FedupinCO, welcome to the forum. Learn to say "I can't possibly do that" over and over until it becomes second nature. Have your spouse do the same. Whatever Mom-in-law wants, you will get to it later, unless it is urgent.

Do you or your spouse still work? If yes, good as it helps with one's sanity. I was still in my 70's and continued with my career, same with my spouse. Work was also a good "excuse". Oh, the stress is still there because the weekends are no longer fun weekends... [sigh].

Many of us here had to wait for a medical emergency where 911 is called, parent goes into the hospital, then into rehab, and then into senior living. That was the only way I was able to get my own Mom [also was in her late 90's] to go into senior living, she had a bad fall because she also wouldn't use walker or her cane. Dad was the opposite, he sold their house after Mom passed as he wanted to move into senior living.

Here's a thought.

Book a month long absence. (Vacation, cruise, cheap motel, Airbnb)

Report her to Adult Protective Services as a vulnerable adult.

If she is found to be competent, start eviction proceedings.

Unless she is living in her own home and you've moved in with her.

In that case, simply leave.

Are you and your spouse united in your desire to have MIL out of your home? If it’s only you wanting this, that’s a far different question than if both of you want her out

Looks like you will need to file eviction papers to get her out of your home.

Send her to the helpful family member.