My mother-in-law is 91. She’s selfish, negative and gossips about the family. Is it wrong for me to wish she was gone?

Rather than wish the woman dead, just tell your husband you're not going to visit her except for once in a while. Neither of you 'have to' visit for every holiday, birthday, Mother's Day etc, so the problem lies with DH who is obviously the one making the travel plans. Tell him how miserable she makes you and perhaps you can decide together on fewer visits or that you'll be staying home for some of them. That sounds fair to me. I'd find it a nice break to have my DH out of the house for a while and to be alone for a few days by myself. Shop, get your hair done, live it up!

I haven't seen my M I L in years. When hubs goes over to see her I stay home. I don't feel guilty about it either. In fact it's her b'day today and they are all going out to dinner tonight. I'm glad I'm not there.

I'm a pretty kind, forgiving person. I give people lots of chances so for me to have reached this point is a perfect example of a person who used up all their chances with me and I'm done.

It sounds to me like it's time for you to be done with your M I L. No guilt necessary. If anyone tries to make you feel guilty ignore them. Easier said than done but with practice you can do it.

You are an adult. You visit whom you want, when you want.

Just because his mother (or any adult) tells you that you "must" do something doesnt mean you have to.

You don't have to go with him. Don't you have family or friends you could enjoy the holiday with. MIL has to realize there is ur family too.

Sounds like you need to quit going to visit her, or at least definitely not as often. Nobody deserves to be treated like a doormat.
The feeling that you have wanting her to be gone, well that’s just normal human emotion. A person can only take so much abuse.

I would not go for every event. You deserve to have some memorable holidays or birthday yourself.

Let your husband visit her by himself. There’s nothing requiring you to visit anyone whose company you don’t enjoy

How about if you and your husband take this Christmas holiday off? Don't go and see her this year.
Every holiday and even birthdays have been ruined by her for what I'm sure has been many years. Not this year. You and your husband take this year off, and most definitely MIL is jealous of you. She likely has been since the day your man put the ring on your finger. She isn't the first jealous MIL.

When MIL asks why, tell her anything you want. Like you've decided to go on a trip or to some of your family members this year. Or tell her the truth that she's such a miserable, negative, vicious pain-in-the-a$$ that you and your husband who are not young anymore yourselves, are going to celebrate Christmas together on your own this year. Tell her that neither of you will be travelling this holiday to see her this year and that she really doesn't care about seeing you, since she barely speaks to you anyway. Then let that be the end of it. Make your husband stay strong because my guess is mom will very likely try to guilt him down into the dirt about not coming. You can do it.
In the meantime, if she starts up with the vicious gossip about the family, tell her shut the hell up and no one wants to hear it.
People may think this is terrible to speak to an old person in such a way and I disagree. If someone is as you describe your MIL then they deserve to be treated this way regardless of age.
Stay strong in your refusal to travel to her this holiday season.
I wish you and your husband the happiest, drama-free Christmas holiday ever. Enjoy!

Sounds like a real joy to be around. You do not need to go see her this often. Will your husband stand with you or is he afraid of the extra negativity this will unleash? If he won't stand up to her, you could always beg off and have him go alone and say you're sick. I'd be sick a lot! It's also unfortunate that you and your husband have not addressed her rude behavior of ignoring you. How long have you been married.

So, I don't think it's the best thing to wish for someone's life to end. Instead, you need to stand up for yourself and set boundaries, etc. She could live another 10 years so don't be thinking bad thoughts all that time.

I’m in a similar situation, my mother has treated me poorly before she was sick. I’ve tried to stay calm but this last phone conversation turned into a screaming match. Know your limits and keep your boundaries. It’s best for both of you.