I am 84 years old and still take care of myself. I can relate completely to this issue. I've gotten so I wear the same clothes every day for 5 or 6 days in a row. I hate taking showers and especially washing my hair. Fortunately, I don't go out much so I rarely get dirty. Sometimes I stay in my pajamas all day long, so for the most part my clothes do no get soiled. And I don't perspire.. I think the main reason is it just takes so much effort, even to put on socks, especially after a bath when my skin is damp or has a lot of moisturizer on it. I find bathing and washing my hair exhausting, so I guess I just try to avoid it.
Actually, this is pretty common in the elderly, they find a favorite, comfortable outfit and just about live in it. Try to find an identical set of clothes so she can switch off during laundry.
Re: the clothes and bathing issues: During the morning,I have prepared written notes such as: "I promise to let you help me into the shower today. signed______" or, "I must remove all my clothes before putting on my pajamas at night. I promise not to fight or complain. signed_______", or "You are taking me today to get my nails done {or haircut}.signed________ ". My wife then readily signs her name. I present these notes to her (and helps her read them) when the even occurs. This continues to work favorably. Not a clue why, but it works.
I have started to have some issues with my mom abut clothes. I take her shopping ( really difficult because she can't remember what she already tried on), and then she wears the same old stuff. She keeps saying that she can't go out in winter because she doesn't have warm clothes--but she does: boots, sweater, jacket.
One way to stop this would be to just put the new clothes in the closet when she is not in her room and then slowly remove the old ones. If her memory is as bad as my mom's, she won't notice. Also, keep the number of clothes down. My mom had pile of stuff she didn't need, most of which is now in my garage.
Peggy I am afraid you just have to let him get mad once a week. I can totally understand his reluctance but it is just too tiring for him to manage. get the bathroom really warm so you need a Tshirt. Get the fresh clothes all warmed up in the bathroom and two bath sheets. You need a shower chair in the shower again warmed with the hot water. get him in there however you can and help him undress. Wrap him in one of the warm towels and onto the seat. keep the towel around his shoulders and have him lean forward while you wash his hair. Give him a washcloth to keep the water our of his eyes. Wash and dry the top half still sitting. Wash his legs then have hinm stnd up and deal with the private parts. You are his wife so there is no privacy problem. Use a flexible shower head do not expect him to stand under a wall shower. You can buy one and easily swap it out with the fixed head. Put the other towell on a chair or the toilet and assist him onto that and wrap the second towel round his legs. Carry on drying and dressing him from there. pull over the head clothes,Ts sweats or sweater and hoodies that open down the front. As far as the shaving is concerned. try getting him an electric razer that he can use in his chair or just let him grow a beard. tell him you care becuse you love him and want him to feel comfortable. It sounds as though he has reached the stage where it is physicaly just too much effort for him to manage this alone. If you can make it as pleasant and comfortable as possible and you might find he actually volunteers. next time you see his Dr ask about getting an aide in a couple of times a week if your efforts don't work. Make sure hubby has had all his morning meds at least an hour before shower and if he has inhalers have him use them half an hour prior. let him have plenty of time to relax and nap before the next meal. I realize you think he should be making the effort and still doing things for himself but there does come a time when you really have to take over and continue to encourage him. Taking a shower really is a big deal for someone as debilitaed as he is.
To nhinchliff.....I am not 84 and I love to stay in my pajamas some days too especially when the weather is so bad! :)) Unfortunately for my mom, she would not wear anything new she bought or we would buy together. She would love it at the time and then say where would this come from and try to give it to my sister or a neighbor. After she went to her facility they could get her to shower and change clothes(one of her favorites of course). They are very good at what they do and plus it wasn't me or my dad "telling" her she hadn't showered. She would get mad and say "of course she had!" After she got to the point of not caring or knowing it's much easier of course. This is an FYI for all of you getting to the point of taking your loved one to a facility......clothes get thrown into hot water and shrink dried (they do the best they can) and not ironed. So clothes don't hold up very well. My suggestion would be to buy if possible 2 of each things and keep the closet to a minimum as suggested in above blogs. Also if possible, do the laundry. I made the mistake of letting them do it for way too long and some of her better things are now in trash or donated. Good Luck and God Bless
My mother is like that too. She will only wear blouses, slacks and a blazer, only black and brown or blue. (nothing pullover, no sweaters, no casual - thanks Mom - I just love to iron your clothes when I don't even iron my own!) And she would wear the same thing for a week, filthy. She won't wear any of the new clothes we give her. Once a week I removed all her dirty ragged clothes, made her take off what she had on, saying I would take it home and wash it. Of course she would protest, but I insisted and rotated her blazers or she would wear one until it fell apart. Bathing was a thing of the past also. I would never eat or drink out of her apartment, used rubber gloves to empty waste baskets, etc. She was becoming filthy and didn't care. We put her in AL two weeks ago and they are still working on her to take a shower! She flatly refuses.
Everyone's responses have been helpful and I've been going through the same thing with my mom. She never bathes. And the only way I used to be able to wash her hair was when I would color it. She would go along with that for several years but then she started protesting it and is working her way to being all grey. Her hair smells and I kept bugging her to let me wash it and she kept putting it off. I finally got her in yesterday (nearly broke my back leaning over the tub) but got it washed. Like our 84 year old friend above, she says she's too tired and doesn't want to be bothered. In the end, she never even remembered the whole fiasco. I also got to cut her hair too. I might try the dry shampoo spray till I can get her to wash it again. As for the clothes, I agree, the best bet from my experience is to buy new things that are similar/identical to what they were wearing. I had bought the same style of top in different colors thinking she'd wear them, but she kept putting on the nasty light purple top. I finally found a replacement and tossed the old one. I think that's the only solution since I'm not there to pick out her clothes every day.
I know I'll be back on here reaching out to everyone when my dad passes and how I can effectively get her into assisted living. I know she will refuse but she can't be on her own and won't allow any help so I think moving her closer to me at that time would be best- it will all be disruptive no matter how you slice it.
My late Mom was picky too. No collars, nothing itchy, no stripes, must have pockets etc. Pink preferred. I began to shop at Thrift Shops. Lot of variety, with her requirements, at minimal expense. Look for big buttons, but not too big!, Pull on pants are a must. Fold them nicely, use tissue paper and place them in a 'fancy' paper shopping bag.
One way to stop this would be to just put the new clothes in the closet when she is not in her room and then slowly remove the old ones. If her memory is as bad as my mom's, she won't notice. Also, keep the number of clothes down. My mom had pile of stuff she didn't need, most of which is now in my garage.
get the bathroom really warm so you need a Tshirt. Get the fresh clothes all warmed up in the bathroom and two bath sheets. You need a shower chair in the shower again warmed with the hot water. get him in there however you can and help him undress. Wrap him in one of the warm towels and onto the seat. keep the towel around his shoulders and have him lean forward while you wash his hair. Give him a washcloth to keep the water our of his eyes. Wash and dry the top half still sitting. Wash his legs then have hinm stnd up and deal with the private parts. You are his wife so there is no privacy problem.
Use a flexible shower head do not expect him to stand under a wall shower. You can buy one and easily swap it out with the fixed head. Put the other towell on a chair or the toilet and assist him onto that and wrap the second towel round his legs. Carry on drying and dressing him from there. pull over the head clothes,Ts sweats or sweater and hoodies that open down the front. As far as the shaving is concerned. try getting him an electric razer that he can use in his chair or just let him grow a beard. tell him you care becuse you love him and want him to feel comfortable. It sounds as though he has reached the stage where it is physicaly just too much effort for him to manage this alone. If you can make it as pleasant and comfortable as possible and you might find he actually volunteers. next time you see his Dr ask about getting an aide in a couple of times a week if your efforts don't work.
Make sure hubby has had all his morning meds at least an hour before shower and if he has inhalers have him use them half an hour prior. let him have plenty of time to relax and nap before the next meal.
I realize you think he should be making the effort and still doing things for himself but there does come a time when you really have to take over and continue to encourage him. Taking a shower really is a big deal for someone as debilitaed as he is.
I know I'll be back on here reaching out to everyone when my dad passes and how I can effectively get her into assisted living. I know she will refuse but she can't be on her own and won't allow any help so I think moving her closer to me at that time would be best- it will all be disruptive no matter how you slice it.
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