My mother "hates" me & won't talk to us, this has been going on for 2 months. Is this normal?

You can always just ignore the situation. Kinda like a neighbor that you don't get along with.

I would probably be bugged that your laundry leak was not properly fixed and here it is causing a mess for me to clean, again.

You need to let it go with trying to have any relationship, because it is making you sick and it is not new behavior. I am sorry that you don't have a loving mom, be thankful that she can care for herself and go live your life. Working towards that goal can help her silence be a blessing to you.

If you can not let go of the situation, perhaps a little therapy could be helpful for you.

I’m in the same exact situation. But my mother has the whole family( my 2 sisters and my uncles) giving me the silent treatment. She gets on the phone and tells them who knows what. As long as I was mopping, cleaning, cooking, doing yard work around the clock she was the happiest person. However, as soon as I decided to go back to work full time and can’t commit to 100% of my time doing all the choirs anymore I’m getting treated like royal crap.
She moved the Cuckoo Clock right next to where I sleep and has it going off every 30 minutes 24/7.
She turns the heat up in the house to 78 when it’s only 69 outside.
If I step outside she locks the doors.
The list goes on and on and on.
I just let her badmouth me to the family and stay distant from them since I’m apparently the bad guy.
I’m losing my sanity and can’t wait to move out and just forgive and forget.

I think the problem is you were able to "walk away". Go back to your own home. Also, sounds like this is nothing new your just now living in the same house.

As long as she is eating, drinking, keeping herself and apt clean, let it go for now. You know she is safe. If she starts ranting, just keep quiet and let her go. Maybe u will find out something.

Sounds like The Silent Treatment from your Bully of a mother. I know all about it, unfortunately.

Sometimes, we have to wait for them to take a nasty fall or to get an illness like pneumonia and be hospitalized, then sent off to rehab to recuperate. Then rehab will not release them back home, so they have NO other choice but to go into Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing. That's how you get your mother out of your home and how you take your life back, if you're unable or unwilling to ask her to leave on your own.

If you're not interested in waiting for a catastrophe to strike, then consider making alternate arrangements NOW to get mother OUT of your house and into a place of her own. I don't know how things work in Canada, but consult an Elder Care Attorney to see what your options are. Even if you decide to do nothing, you'll have OPTIONS and that can make you feel better and not so trapped,.

There is nothing worse than feeling like you're walking on eggshells in your own home. I grew up like that, always worried about my mother's mood and what it might be at any given time, or what I might do to set her off. It's the stuff that stomach aches & ulcers are made of. I actually wound up marrying a man like that and divorced him eventually. I flat out refused to take my mother into my home, for obvious reasons, and so, she's been living in Assisted Living and now Memory Care since 2014. Best decision I ever made. That and marrying the man I've been married to for the past 10 years who allows me to be ME and doesn't hold me emotionally hostage with his moods.

Wishing you all the best as you decide how to move forward with your life.

It is very hard & stressful living like this but hopefully something will happen & we will find a solution. We don't want to sell this house & my mother could not afford to buy something on her own. She definitely won't go into a Retirement Home, there is no way she could afford to live on her own, this is why we did what we did. I am concerned about it ruining my health & the stress that it has caused.

Nanny,
Not talking to you seems normal for your Mom.

Fretting over it, becoming over solicitous of her gives her the power to treat you poorly.

What if you did nothing, and did not talk to her? Maybe that will relax the strained relations and tensions. There cannot be a war if no one shows up for it.

If she needs care, send someone over (to the downstairs apartment).
Like a professional caregiver.

Hoping there are separate entrances.

I think you can tolerate, and even enjoy the silence. Don't even bother to draw her out and receive her anger. Don't bother to send emissaries (your children) to smooth things over. She can ask for help when the time comes.

Respect her boundaries by not allowing yourself to be manipulated by her anger.

I agree with Alvadeer, talk to a lawyer to try and figure out your options so you don’t have to live with your Mother. My mother is 95 and is nasty to me. She came over to my house for Christmas for 4 hours. She wanted to see my oldest son but was treating me like shit. I was telling her about my cats and she cut me off and said I don’t want to hear it. I hate cats, she said. I got up without saying a word and washed the dishes. Later I walked in the living room and my oldest son brought the cat in the kitchen with my Mother. The cat jumped on the table and my mother screamed for my son to get her down off the table. Then she said to my son, this is your mothers fault. She is trying to give me a heart attack with her cat. Your mother doesn’t care if I have a heart attack. She wants me to die. My son didn’t say anything and I walked past them to go to the bathroom. When I came out of the bathroom she asked me to help her to the bathroom. I took her arm and she said the guy from call a bus said she needed to be in a wheelchair. I said if you have to be in wheelchair you are going to have to go to assisted living or a nursing home. She screamed I am not!!! I’m not going anywhere! I am staying in my own home!!! Now I’m just waiting. Waiting for when she can’t walk because right now there is nothing I can do about it. I feel sick about her too. I’m bringing my husband with me tomorrow to see her. I’m not going over there by myself. I feel for you!! Big hugs to you!!!

She has issues, personality disorder? Dementia? Hard to say, but something is wrong with her.

I would never consider co-mingling funds or assets, this has opened Pandora's Box, under these circumstances you have set yourself up for a life sentence with her as she co-owns the home.

What is your plan when you can no longer care for her? Does she have funds to go into AL or MC? If she will need Medicaid in the future the home will become an issue.

My mother is 94, your mother could live another 10 years too, if your so stressed now, there is no way that you will be able to cope in the future as she will only continue to get worse. She doesn't hate you..she hates herself...you are just her punching bag!

She has dementia. Her brain is broken. What made sense to her a year or two ago doesn’t make sense now.
“She alienates anyone who is close to her”. Her previous behavior won’t get better because you are nice to her or are helpful or are trying to make her life easier.
If she is able to live somewhat independently where she is, give her as much space as you can. If not, see what’s available in assisted living in your community.
Are you feeling stressed because you want her to be nicer to you than she was in the past?

I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. Hugs.

You say this isn’t new behavior so I know that you aren’t taken aback by her behavior. Obviously, it still hurts.

I looked at your profile and you say that she has ALZ so maybe some of it is related to that. I can’t speak much to that issue as I have only known a couple of people who have had dementia. Others here have plenty of experience and will be able to help you, so please stick around for their advice.

Best wishes to you and your family.

I think you need to get to the bottom of her weird behavior so you can figure out where to take this. Do you have PoA for her? Just trying to figure out if you have any control in this situation. She could have a UTI which can create dementia-like symptoms or amplify existing dementia behaviors. If there is any way to get her to her doc and while there pass him/her a note requesting a UTI test and cognitive exam. They will gladly do this, they do it all the time.

If you don't have PoA and she is resistant, I would have that other family member try to take her to the doc and do the secret note thing. While there I highly recommend trying to get her to sign this relative as an authorized representative on the doctor's Medical Information Release form (HIPPA). This way someone will be able to receive and give info to her doc. If at all possible, have this relative try to get her to designate them as durable PoA. Whatever can be done will help.

If she has mental illness or dementia and resists everyone, you may need to pursue guardianship to have any control over what happens with her. You could call your county's social services and speak with a social worker for advice and they could come in for an assessment of her, if she lets them. I'm so sorry -- you were doing something caring and noble and this is what it turned into. Ugh. Wishing you wisdom and solutions!

I don't feel that you should have to live with your Mother under these circumstances. I think if she is of sound mind you need now to come to an agreement about how to sell the home; likely a real estate attorney visit is a good place to start. Mom can then use her proceeds to go into care and you can use yours for a down payment, or for rental going forward. It is a good time in many areas now to sell and I hope you will do well on the home, but that isn't really the ultimate question. It is a shame that you have painted yourself somewhat into a corner here but most things done can be undone, even if at some cost, and I cannot see another choice as you describe it. So sorry, but this will ruin your health and your life.