My mother, 87, recently began making ridiculous demands trying to get me to come to her apartment.
About 2 months ago, she called and demanded that I get up there right away to organize things on her key holder. She claimed that I'd put all kinds of extra keys on it and now it was so full of duplicates that she couldn't find what she needed.
I had noticed the extra keys months ago. But never said anything because it would have just caused a big fight. My mother has extra keys for her apartment mailbox, extra keys for a car she no longer owns, extra keys for the locked bin in the apartment's storage area, etc. And, just for the record, I never put any of the keys there. My mom had the duplicates made (for no reason).
I told her that I wasn't going to go up there just to organize her keys. That it was something that she could do herself and all she had to do was to put the key holder on her kitchen table, remove everything and sort through the keys, put the duplicates in a baggie and put the baggie in the 2nd bedroom of her apartment in case she lost a key and needed one of the duplicates. My mom went ballistic, but I stood my ground.
Just before Thanksgiving, I called her to verify the time I'd pick her up Thanksgiving Day to take her to lunch. After we agreed on a time, my mother informed me that I was taking her shopping after we ate. I told her that would be impossible as I had to get home to finish my outdoor Christmas decorations so I could turn them on for the first time that afternoon. My mother went on and on about how I'd told her the week before, that I'd be taking her shopping after we ate. I never said this, have never taken her shopping on Thanksgiving Day and reminded her of my outdoor light tradition.
My mother got very agitated saying things like I didn't care about her, that I never do anything for her and then started listing all of the things that she HAD TO BUY when I took her shopping. She finished by saying, "I don't know why I even bother with you! You're never around when I need you."
I told her I wasn't going to discuss this with her, said good-bye and hung up.
About 20 minutes later, my mom called me and said she'd found someone to take her shopping the next day so we wouldn't have to go shopping after lunch on Thanksgiving. Then she sheepishly asked if I was still going to take her to lunch? I told her I'd be there at the agreed upon time and we'd go to eat at the restaurant she'd chosen.
I'll interject here that I take my mother shopping about every 3 weeks. Between times, she calls a lady who lives nearby who takes her.
About two weeks ago, my mother called here demanding that I get up there right away so I could pack up and mail some Christmas gifts to my niece and nephew. I reminded her that I would be taking her shopping in 3 days and would get the gifts then and mail them for her. That wasn't good enough! I had to do it NOW! I said that I'd be there on Thursday and would get the gifts then and that I wasn't making a special trip just to mail those gifts. Again, I got the "You're never around when I need you" comment. I told her I'd see her on Thursday and said good-bye.
Two days ago, my mom called and, again, demanded that I get up there NOW! I had to take her to a grocery store 20 miles away because she had to mail a package. When I told her I couldn't come because I was busy, she ignored me and went through her whole demand again. I repeated that I couldn't come up there and that she'd either have to find someone else to take her or she'd have to wait until Monday and give the package to the mailman (along with some money to pay for the postage.)
This started a whole barrage of statements such as I'd told her I would come up and mail the package for her, there was no one else who could help her (she claimed she'd already asked several ladies in the apartment she lives in) and if the package didn't go out that minute, it would never get to her friend before Christmas. I repeated that I wasn't going to drive her all the way to the store just to mail a package (would be 50 miles one way) when she could mail it at her local post office today. My mom was beside herself. She tried to lay the guilt trip on me, but I didn't bite. When she couldn't get me to agree to take her, she swore, said good-bye and hung up.
My mother has a hired helper who comes once a week to clean, assist with bathing, running errands, etc. So, there are others who can do these things for her.
I've spoken to her doctor about this behavior and his reply was, "Your mother is her own person, she can do as she wishes." So, he's no help whatsoever.
She hasn't started taking any new medications and was just at the doctor for a check-up about a month ago.
I'm at my wits end!