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Sankrz, Welcome.

I don’t know anyone who wanted to go into care at home or a facility.

Our wants become less important as the reality of advanced age enters the picture.

It is certainly not your fault or your responsibility to sacrifice your remaining good years to tiptoeing around an ungrateful elder if that is the case.

I am sorry you have decided to add your mother’s care to that of your husband. It is okay to change your mind.

I hope you make time for yourself.

The forum is a good place to find others in your situation.

Did you have a question? It’s okay if you didn’t. Feel free to come here and vent.
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If your mother causes you distress then allow her to make her own decisions for herself and stay out of it. Sort of a lesson that you arranged care givers and then that all changed.

Many would suggest that you go all in, try to get a POA or guardianship or conservatorship or or or or. That would not be me. I would suggest you put on running shoes and take off in the other direction.

Your Mom had her life. Due to her own limitations she was unable to be a special Mom. She still is adamant in making her own decisions. She should do so. If you have worries report her to APS for wellness checks. If APS suggests you try to get control of her tell them that isn't a good idea for your own sanity and survival.

Not everyone even HAS children to intervene for them. Pretent that your Mother is one of them.
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