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Sami1966, back in April you had mentioned that your Mom cannot remember back 5 minutes ago. If that was the case, I was surprised that the senior facilities where she currently lives accepted her for "Assisted Living". https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-is-in-denial-that-she-has-dementia-what-to-do-474472.htm

My own Dad moved into Independent Living in a senior facility. Much to my surprise later down the road the Adm had a meeting with me where they suggested it was time for Dad to move to their Memory Care section, as Dad was found on numerous occasions trying to leave the building at night, and not coming to the dining room for his dinner.

Dad always acted pretty sharp for his age whenever I visited. Apparently he was "showtiming" when I was there. And now he was "sundowning". So we quickly choose a room in Memory Care for Dad. It was easy to move Dad as I told Dad a "therapeutic fib" that this new room was less expensive and Dad was always trying to save money :)
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lealonnie1 Jan 2023
My mom lived in regular AL at a great place in Colorado for 4 years and had pretty moderate dementia going on (but no wandering). It's difficult for the administration to make the resident move into Memory Care; it normally takes some event to force the move. Like with mom; she got pneumonia and went to the hospital, then off to rehab for 20 days. Then the AL nurse came to the rehab to 'evaluate' mom; that's when she said 'we cannot accept her back in AL and she has to go into Memory Care.'

That's how we made the move; by being forced; that's how it may have to happen with this OP too. In hindsight, I WISH we'd waited another year before moving mom to MC b/c she disliked it a lot & wanted her old apt back in AL very much so. :(


In my opinion, the family should wait until it's ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for the parent to be placed in Memory Care before making that move b/c it's very difficult for (most of) them to transition (unless they are VERY far advanced). AL is freedom, while MC is another world entirely with many restrictions, etc.

I can def understand about your dad FF, with the wandering and stuff, why he had no other choice but to go into MC. Mom was the queen of Showtiming too, which makes things SO MUCH HARDER!! :(
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Nope, no regulations in Colo stating that someone has to monitor the front door at the ALFs after 8:30 pm. My parents lived in an AL in Colo for years and never had an issue wandering outside at night, even when mom had moderate dementia. Then we moved her into their Memory Care building which had locked exterior doors, so that's your choice when your mom's dementia advances to where she IS an elopement risk.

The whole point OF AL is that the residents can come and go as they please. Once the level of care increases, then they have to move accordingly. When I had a hard time getting into the AL at night by ringing the bell, I'd simply call the front desk and that would alert the staff that someone was trying to gain access.

I seriously doubt you are going to get the management to change their policies based on one person trying to gain access after hours! Try calling the front desk when you need to get in.......that's your best bet.

Good luck.
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Sami1966 Jan 2023
Thanks. I did call the front desk number and no one answered. I have brought this to the attention of management.
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Yes, assisted living facilities leave doors unlocked to get outside, but not in at night. The assisted living facility's caregivers should let you know if your mom is trying to leave on her own. As soon as my mom started wanting out at night in the assisted living facility I had to move her to memory care. There was an overnight caregiver on duty, but they were usually sleeping. It was sad and very hard because Mom was happy in assisted living and it was in my neighborhood. Even during covid lock down I could visit her easily at her window every day. Memory care was way more difficult for me because it was in another city and they only allowed visits twice a week, even at the window, but she adjusted to it fine. It is very much more expensive for memory care, but the doors stay locked for in and out. Usually there is an outdoor courtyard with locked gates. And at my my mom's memory care facility there was an awake staff working in the common area kitchen at night who could see everyone who came out of their rooms to lead them back to bed. I'm in CO too.
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Sami, AL is not prison, people can come and go as they please.

If mom is at risk of wandering, AL is probably not the correct level of care. You say she hasn't done this yet, so what is your concern? Is she starting to have behaviors that lead you to be concerned?

My grannie was in a wheelchair and she was a flight risk from the NH. They had to put an ankle bracelet on her so they could catch her if she took flight.

She was in a room that was far from the front door, only door that actually exited the property but, still managed to go missing a couple of times :-( fortunately, they knew right away that Elvis had left the building :-)

I would like to encourage you to not borrow trouble. Deal with things as the become problems or you will wear yourself to a frazzle trying to stay ahead of a very unpredictable disease. She may never become a wanderer.

I would get with the ED and find out why you can't get a response from the emergency buzzer. That is a concern for safety.
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AL is not the same thing as a nursing home or memory care facility.
The residents are free to go as they please. There is supposed to be someone to let them back in if they are going to be out past desk hours but the person is supposed to let someone know they will be back. I worked in a lovely AL years back and every resident had to be accounted for after the desk closed which was around 8:30 at my place.
There is supposed to be night staff who do regular security rounds. They check on all the residents periodically, mind the doors, and make sure all is well. If the AL your mom is in doesn't have this kind of staff, someone should have a word with their administration because they're supposed to.
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At the point where Mom isn't safe to know when it is safe to leave then ALF isn't the right place. Some now have locked cottages or units and that is a sort of halfway between ALF and MC (memory care). If you know that Mom isn't safe should she leave the facility, and if you fear she is too confused to know whether it is safe to leave or not, it is time to talk with the facility about another level of care. The very sad thing is that without an inbetween care such as locked cottages the cost goes up greatly for memory care due to staffing needs.
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