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She says it's normal to be forgetful but in the last few months she has gotten worse. She got very angry at her first appointment with a neurologist yesterday. They said bring her back when she will cooperate. I think it's too late.

Dr. Dope doesn't know what he's doing. I would make up a therapeutic fib to get her to a different doctor (like: Medicare now requires an annual physical and it has to be from this NEW doctor). When there, hand doc a pre-written note describing your concerns about her and requesting a cognitive exam and check for UTI. A GOOD doc will do this, as was the doc who accommodated me when I took my MIL to have an assessment. An idiot doc will not, like the one she has now.
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Reply to Geaton777
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earlybird Aug 1, 2020
You are too funny, Geaton. Dr. Dope? I had to read it again thinking it might be his real name. LOL
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Thanks, everyone! I took everyone's advice. My brother is speaking to an attorney to start getting POA. He plans to take her car. My sister is getting her new hearing aids. She's lost 2 pair! And I was able to convince her PCM to try to include some memory assessment with her annual physical next week. Mom lives with my stepdad who is starting to suffer physically from the burden of her care so hopefully this will help. Thanks again.
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Reply to Kayes1st
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Try going in from the other end.

The memory loss in itself isn't a problem. The problems are the difficulties that the memory loss leads to. For your mother, what are the main ones?

Put yourself in her shoes and it's easy to see why her temper might have frayed at the neurologist's office. Without very diplomatic handling, such appointments can lead to the person taking away a whole string of negative, offensive and above all false beliefs. The person can feel as though she is being told:

life as she knows it is over
she is losing her mind
everybody will now claim the right to treat her like a dim-witted infant
she will soon be a drooling mess

She can feel as though she's being picked on and hauled up over every error, every lapse in memory or judgement, even those which do quite honestly occur in everybody's life throughout life.

So all in all - probably not the best day out she's had recently.

Next, think of the purpose(s) for which these tests are helpful. They can give her information she needs about where she stands, and what she can expect in the short to medium term (probably nothing too drastic). They can give her time to prepare, putting structures in place to support her quality of life for longer than if she waits and just reacts to crises. They can lead to her getting more information and access to adaptations and services and possibly therapies which will enhance and sustain her ability to function for longer (than ditto). These are the advantages to put to her in due course.

Meanwhile, though, I'd start with some creative problem-solving which is where I began - what are the major problems that are a nuisance to *her*?
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Hi, in some respects it may not be important to have her assessed. You see she has competency challenges so confirmation doesn't change anything. You might start preparing yourself for the changes she (and you) will face.
Do you know where all pertinent paperwork is? Do you have a good grasp on her physical medical situation? What are her living arrangements? Is she still driving ? What do you see as her biggest need at the moment?
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Reply to geewiz
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Is anyone her official PoA?
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Reply to Geaton777
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https://www.physicianspractice.com/view/how-discuss-cognitive-screenings-medicare-patients

Send this article to her PCP.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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