My mother has fought dementia for over ten years and now has gangrene, she can't have amputation or surgery. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My mother has fought dementia for over ten years and now has gangrene, she can't have amputation or surgery. Any advice?

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8 months ago palliative care was started as doctors thought she was approaching the end of her life and she had developed gangrene. She has a lot of pain from her foot which is now infected and she is on a morphine patch and antibiotics. She is non responsive most of the time and hasn't recognized anyone for a year. After such a long, long illness it is cruel to see her like this, it's a torture...she is eating and drinking small amounts, but I wonder how the next stage will be with the gangrene...any advice?

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Just Checked in on your post and saw that your dear mother had passed. I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m glad your mothers passing was peaceful.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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So sorry for your loss.

Always remember you did your very best for her at all times. You were brilliant. Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to mend.

Take care. Hugs
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Reply to BuzzyBee
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Liz. Take care of yourself, and be proud of all the good care you gave to and got for your mom.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Lizann, very sorry for your loss.
May God bless you.
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Reply to smeshque
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Lizann, please accept my condolences for your loss. I am very glad as well to hear that she passed away peacefully.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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Thank you for taking the time to give us an update during this stressful time. You are a very considerate person, Lizann.

I know what you mean by losing someone slowly, bit by bit, and then also facing the final loss. And I know what you mean by death being incredibly special and profound. I was surprised at how much I found that to be the case. I am so glad the passing was peaceful, for both of you.

You have lost your dear mother, and also lost a very significant role you have held for ten years. Be gentle with yourself, and take all the time you need to heal.

My congratulations on fulfilling this very meaningful role, and condolences on this loss.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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I am so sorry for your loss, but very glad to hear the end was peaceful and pain free. I was with my father when he died two years ago, also peaceful and pain free, and that memory has been a comfort as time has passed.

Thank-you for the update.
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Reply to chdottir
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I just wanted to let you all know that my mother passed away peacefully two weeks ago...she had wonderful hospice care at home for the last three weeks of her life and she was mostly peaceful and pain free during that time. It is very difficult to witness your loved one dying but it is also an incredibly special and profound time. I am finding it particularly difficult as my mother's underlying condition was dementia..I feel as though I'm now grieving all the piece-by-piece losses of the last ten years...the sense of loss is much more than I had expected ...after being so involved with Mom's care and every aspect of her life for so long, now I see what an honour it was to able to do that for her. Anyway, wishing you all well and thanks again for the advice about hospice a while ago.
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Reply to LizannG
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Thanks everyone so, so much for your help, I really appreciate all your kind words and advice. It is very sad to face the reality of the situation, as Mom has bounced back from so many setbacks over the years that I suppose I was expecting this to be the same. When I think back to the person she was ten years ago, even five years ago that person is gone and yet she is still here. That is the hardest part of all. Even asking about hospice services does feel a bit like I'm letting her down, even though I know that's not the case at all, your thoughts on hospice do make me feel better about it...thanks for listening and helping.
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Reply to LizannG
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Exactly what Veronica said... hospice to help her pain because, sadly, mom isn't going to ever get well. And it can be comforting to the family, too since most hospice facilities will have counselors and pastoral care for both the patient and family. Don't be hesitant to use those services if offered, just talking to someone who understands end of life can be a great relief and help alleviate your anxiety and any guilt you may be feeling.
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