My mother has dementia and I despise her. I don't know where to turn. Any insight? - AgingCare.com

My mother has dementia and I despise her. I don't know where to turn. Any insight?

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I guess my previous post wasn't worth a response. I can't interact with my mother anymore. Does anyone have any insight as to what I can do?

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Marileeg----same situation w my dad
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You mentioned that you are seeing a therapist. This is a good topic to discuss with him/her.
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This was a good place to turn if you can give us more info. Another place is a therapist for you to help you deal. Since she is in a NH, you never have to go again. You've got her where others are caring for her. Why don't you hire someone to check to make sure she is being well cared for and take a long break for yourself. A little distance can make a big difference. But it will take time to recover. Exercise, eat well, sleep well, try to laugh. Connect with someone who will be your friend. Talk about your mom only to the therapist if possible and if the therapist agrees. Have some mental relief from the subject. If everyone knows your story then you can't get away from it. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or work in the nursery in your church. You have to heal. Join a support group you can go to for additional support.
If we've gotten it all wrong, give us more info so we can help.
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I realized recently, after going to a therapist for the past 2 years, that my father has been a schizophrenic narcissist my entire life. Now he just turned 89, has had dementia for years. The schizophrenia is definitely amplified and the lies are even more gregarious. The narcissism is even worse. He lives at home with my mom. I tried to live with him for 6 months but he was incredibly abusive. Now, I absolutely do not react to any of his comments. He wants attention and wants to be the center of everything. It is easier said than done, but don't give his response any attention otherwise it encourages them.
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Hugedoof, here are answers to your original posting https://www.agingcare.com/questions/My-mother-has-dementia-I-despise-her-429072.htm

Both my parents had dementia during the last few months of their lives, and I never saw where "dementia will make those personality traits all that much more apparent". I know my Mom became a shell of herself as she couldn't communicate any longer, and my Dad had his same sense of humor that he always had right up to the last day.
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I can honestly say that I have never seen anyone visit most of the people in my mom's NH, obviously one on one interaction is not required.
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Hugedoof posted this in another thread:

"I have learned that dementia, shall we say, amplifies the personality. Thus, if you were prone to fabrication and lies, then dementia will make those personality traits all that much more apparent. I despise my mother. I have uncovered pieces of misinformation leading all the way back to her childhood. These little "lies" directly affect me. At this point, I can't stand interacting with her. I don't mind paying the bills and all that, but I just cannot interact with her anymore. I need help from the nursing home, but when I ask, they don't seem to give me anything other than a goat-eyed stare. I'm at wits end."

Again, if you can provide a few more answers, such as to the questions I posted above, many more people will be able to help.

Also...your earlier question was only posted 2 hours ago. Despite the website saying questions are answered in 10 minutes, that's not always the case. We do our best, but most of us are caregivers too, so you might not get immediate answers, depending on who is online. Hang in there, we'll help as much as we can.
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I think we need more info before we can really formulate a good response for you.

Is mom living with you, or you with her?
Are you the sole caregiver?
What is the family background that you despise her so much, as you say?
How far has her dementia advanced?
Is she nursing home ready, or will she be soon?
Is she on Medicaid already, or just Medicare?
Is there a reason she isn't in a nursing home if her dementia is advanced?
You asked "I can't interact with my mother anymore. Does anyone have any insight as to what I can do?" - We need to know what advice you're looking for here - are you looking to have her placed in a nursing home, to find in-home care services, or exactly what you're looking for.

These answers will help us help you.
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