There comes a time where we can not fill their every need. And sometimes it is in their best interest to be in a memory care unit {if affordable}. I fought the idea but now I can admit my mom looks so much better, gained her lost weight and has non stop attention from others and staff. I could not be with her every minute and fill all her attention needs. I am more relaxed and she looks healthier. Just a thought...
I'm also realizing that I can only do so much and will definitely put mom in MC if needed. This forum has helped me realize that my life matters too and I don't need to go crazy taking care of mom
Dementia often reaches a point where in-home care becomes impossible; it's just way too taxing for the care-giver on too many levels. Have you looked into Memory Care for your mom? If not, you may want to start doing so now. Things don't get better with dementia behaviors, they only get worse, unfortunately.
You can put earplugs in your ears while you go to the bathroom; that should drown out the noise your mother is making and afford you a few minutes of peace. Short of that, I don't know what you can do, frankly. Again, a Memory Care ALF keeps the residents occupied and distracted all day in addition to feeding them 3 meals and 3 snacks every day and providing entertainment that you're incapable of doing at home. Not to mention she'll have others to interact with and a team of care-givers working 24/7 to keep her safe & happy.
In the meantime, go to Alzheimers.org and read up about dementia. Also listen to Teepa Snow videos on YouTube; she's a wonderful source of help for care-givers of dementia patients on a wide variety of topics. She will also help you to understand how your mother's mind is working nowadays and why she's behaving as she is. Very enlightening to know the mechanisms behind the disease,
I can only reinforce strongly that Teepa Snow videos are GREAT!! As for all the glowing remarks about putting her in MC or even ALF, I’m afraid my experience with Mom - even after I shopped and thought I’d found the perfect place - was NOT attentive 24/7 care and interaction with others. It was more like 24/7 aides and nurses visiting with each other after they had parked residents in front of the TV. Maybe a much more expensive facility would have offered all you describe, but I will not be looking for outplacement for my hubby as long as I am upright and conscious.
You might also have her doctor try her on a low dose of an anti anxiety agent. Buspar (brand name) comes in a generic, and is not as strong as a benzodiazepine. It might be worth a try to see if it keeps her anxiety tamped down. It worked for my dad.
If you are taking a shower or bath and your bathroom is large enough bring your Mom inside the bathroom and let her sit either on the bowl or a chair so she doesn't get anxious.
I'm also wondering who takes care of your Mom while you are working, doing the food shopping, errands, etc.
I bought my Mom an Alexa Echo Dot and she loves it! She plays music she loves PLUS I'm able to talk to her from my cell through the Alexa no matter where I am.
Last but not least I also bought my Mom a robotic therapy dog (they make cats too) and that keeps my Mom not only calm but gives her so much joy.
Funny you said joy... The one my OB bought for our mother when she was still in her condo was the robotic cat named Joy! Mom was never a pet person, tolerated us having a dog (mainly outdoor). I was there when it arrived and on the phone with him complaining about where it was. I told him she will say 2 things: What did you waste money on that for? and You should have sent that to your sister (me) since she's the cat person.
Although it was never really a comfort for her, she was and probably still is fascinated by what it can do! I know she showed it to her neighbors when still in the condo, but again, mainly because of what it could do, not that she was attached to it!
I do recommend trying one of these robotic pets, for those who had or miss their pets. It can be a good source of comfort to them!
Ear plugs? Keep music on or a noise machine to cut down on the volume of her calling for you?
Somehow try to come to terms with the fact that this is going to happen and try to stay calm and not let it get under your skin? Do what you need to do. You know she is safe and "OK" so you don't necessarily have to rush right back.
Who takes care of your mom when you’re working? Do they have this problem with her, or does she just do this with you?
Unfortunately, this is a typical symptom of dementia, and as such, there isn’t much you can fairly expect from your mother in terms of changing HER behavior.
I remember When MY mother lived with me, my wildest dream was a 5 minute shower without hearing her yelling for me.
Would you consider singing loudly from the bathroom when she starts to call your name? Might possibly be good for you both.
Another thought is a very small dose of anxiety medication. Ultimately this will pass, but it’s unfortunate that you’re more or less helpless when she does it.
Are you considering the possibility of residential care?
My mom does this too, when I go to the bathroom, when I go into the kitchen to make a meal, when I go put away clean folded clothes, when I go water all her plants. I try to take her with me and include her in everything...except my own bathroom runs & showers. It’s a tough life! My mom needs to be occupied almost all hours of the day. Wait until she calls your name all night long!
My mother used to do this and it just got worse. In hospital she shouted my stepfather's name all the time, to the extent that everyone used to clap when he went in to visit!
An anti anxiety medication sounds like an idea but one thing an Admiral nurse explained to us, is that she is unlikely to be as distressed as she sounds - it is a learned behaviour. So in reality it is probably having a worse effect on you, than on her. With that in mind you need to do the things ypu need to but eventually you may need to look at extra help.
You can put earplugs in your ears while you go to the bathroom; that should drown out the noise your mother is making and afford you a few minutes of peace. Short of that, I don't know what you can do, frankly. Again, a Memory Care ALF keeps the residents occupied and distracted all day in addition to feeding them 3 meals and 3 snacks every day and providing entertainment that you're incapable of doing at home. Not to mention she'll have others to interact with and a team of care-givers working 24/7 to keep her safe & happy.
In the meantime, go to Alzheimers.org and read up about dementia. Also listen to Teepa Snow videos on YouTube; she's a wonderful source of help for care-givers of dementia patients on a wide variety of topics. She will also help you to understand how your mother's mind is working nowadays and why she's behaving as she is. Very enlightening to know the mechanisms behind the disease,
Best of luck!
I'm also wondering who takes care of your Mom while you are working, doing the food shopping, errands, etc.
I bought my Mom an Alexa Echo Dot and she loves it! She plays music she loves PLUS I'm able to talk to her from my cell through the Alexa no matter where I am.
Last but not least I also bought my Mom a robotic therapy dog (they make cats too) and that keeps my Mom not only calm but gives her so much joy.
Jenna
Although it was never really a comfort for her, she was and probably still is fascinated by what it can do! I know she showed it to her neighbors when still in the condo, but again, mainly because of what it could do, not that she was attached to it!
I do recommend trying one of these robotic pets, for those who had or miss their pets. It can be a good source of comfort to them!
Somehow try to come to terms with the fact that this is going to happen and try to stay calm and not let it get under your skin? Do what you need to do. You know she is safe and "OK" so you don't necessarily have to rush right back.
Unfortunately, this is a typical symptom of dementia, and as such, there isn’t much you can fairly expect from your mother in terms of changing HER behavior.
I remember When MY mother lived with me, my wildest dream was a 5 minute shower without hearing her yelling for me.
Would you consider singing loudly from the bathroom when she starts to call your name? Might possibly be good for you both.
Another thought is a very small dose of anxiety medication. Ultimately this will pass, but it’s unfortunate that you’re more or less helpless when she does it.
Are you considering the possibility of residential care?
Good luck. Stay safe.
An anti anxiety medication sounds like an idea but one thing an Admiral nurse explained to us, is that she is unlikely to be as distressed as she sounds - it is a learned behaviour. So in reality it is probably having a worse effect on you, than on her. With that in mind you need to do the things ypu need to but eventually you may need to look at extra help.
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